Calling advice and opinions from all women (do you think having "Boob" in my title will get us more google hits?):
I've read all the articles, I know all the reasons not to let children watch copious amounts of television. Second to not watching too much television, it is important to be selective in what you do choose to watch.
Freaky Teletubies Baby McSunHead
We own: Baby Einstein, Elmo's World, Little Einsteins, HBO's Classical Baby Music and Dance, Beatrix Potter, Max and Ruby...and, (gasp!) I wish we owned more!
(Confessional Part II:) I let Ruby watch these videos almost every day--some days twice. That can be anywhere from 60 minutes to 120 minutes of television watching (sometimes more, but I'm in denial). I do try to not let this happen all in a row. And usually Joey is napping during much of this time.
Oh, we'll keep playing them, believe me, we'll keep playing them.Here's the thing--Joe is a full time PhD student, and I am also taking a very intensive graduate English class. I rely on the videos to give me some time to get my homework done. It is uninterrupted time--so that I can maintain a steady stream of thought and concentration. (Can anyone say mush for brains?)
But even having said that--we have always relied on videos. When you have a new baby, you can strap that baby securely in a swing or highchair or exersaucer, pop in a video, and catch up on some zzzz's. Sometimes I'm paranoid and I nap on the couch in the same room. Sometimes I feel more confident and I slip into the room nearby and lay on the bed. It is called COPING. It is called grasping at anything to keep my sanity.
Ruby's early cultivation of love for television
How do you work it?
Tivo?
Time limits?
TV in your child's bedroom?
Lighten up?
Tight controls?
Guilt attacks?
Anxiety over irreversible damage?
I want to hear some opinions, dang it! State your case and don't apologize for it!
28 comments:
I think TV is a great way for kids to learn lots of things (Bill Nye, Schoolhouse Rock, Animal Planet, Discovery Channel, etc)and a great tool for mom's to get a break! You have to MONITOR what they watch. At our house we have never had cable. You don't need it. I do think there are lots of trashy shows out there. (and commercials) My kids can watch a movie after their homework and jobs are done. I do require some outside time too (if it's nice). I think there is NO REASON for kids to have a tv in their room! It isolates them from the family. I'm proud that my kids have seen My Fair Lady, Seven Brides for Seven Brothers,know who Bing Crosby, John Wayne, and Cary Grant are and my 14 year old son's favorite movie is Singing in the Rain (and he also likes AC/DC so he is normal). TV can be good!
I love, love, LOVE Baby Einstein. So does Anderson. I don't feel guilty at all for putting him in front of the TV and slipping in those DVDs. They are so educational! They're teaching him things I'm not even thinking about teaching him yet, so I say... how is that wrong?
i am anti tv. it makes my kids grouchy and all they do is whine and ask if they can watch more all day long and it drives me nuts. i see the use of it and sometimes i'll rely on it in desperate situations. but it has gotten so bad that we've even put the tv in the closet before so that its not a visual reminder to the kids and we don't have to deal with the begging.
maybe when my kids get older it wont be so much of an issue.
plus i've read about how sesame street has been linked to ADD and ADHD and i dont think its just sesame street, duh, but just tv in general.
When our kids were all elementary age we told them they would each get $100 if they could go an entire summer without TV. The first few days were grumpy and whiny until they figured out how to entertain themselves.
That was the summer of no TV. It was so nice that we didn't turn the TV on (except for a few family movies a month) until after Christmas.
The kids still talk about how great that was and have asked to do it again.
Excellent topic. And I appreciate your honesty!
I like how you said "It's called COPING". Aint that the truth.
We have a few rules. No TV in the mornings on school days. I find that everyone is happier and more cooperative when I have music playing in the morning instead of the TV. I do let Nathan watch TV after he has done his homework and he probably watches at least an hour a day. Benji watches even more. Lainey doesn't watch much at all.
Like you, our TV options are limited. They can't watch anything they want, only what is on the Tivo. So that means curious george and all the usual suspects. No spongebob, no cartoons with weapons or enemies. No bratty voice cartoons (Arthur). As Julie said, TV can be great! Hello, letter factory--that's how Benji learned his letters.
Also. I have been around 3 children with ADHD. Their inattention and impulse control issues were present from babyhood, long before they watched TV. I just don't agree that TV makes kids have ADHD, but it might aggravate their symptoms, or it may be that TV is the only thing that they can focus on, so their parents let them watch more of it.
Somehow, turning the TV off has been much easier for me with three kids. Maybe it's because I'm not working anymore, or maybe because I am 100% mom so I don't even try to get downtime anymore? Or maybe it's because there are three of them to entertain each other? Not sure. Or maybe it is easier to find other ways for the kids to entertain themselves as they get older. That seems very true for us.
blah. Comment too long. Sorry.
OK, my 3 year old is g-tube fed. Can you imagine getting a three year old to hold still for 45 minutes? TV is the key for us. We don't have any "regular" tv. It's all videos for us and I try to police the previews 'cause sometimes.........!
Before I had kids I was huge anti-tv. I've seen the grouchiness increase and all of that. A super long time ago I read an article that explained the negative aspect of tv is that it primes the pump so to speak....gets you ready to be involved in whatever you're watching and then frustrates your body because you're not doing it--thus the grouchy, irritating, whining at the end of long sessions. So I think you just have to have periods of activity to "spend" that engergy and excite the imagination.
Because of my pre-kids opinions I didn't want tv to be my babysitter so I would watch with my little guy--I almost lost him I wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. Then I had #2--Tiny I'll call her. Well, now I NEED that time, but I've trained him that he needs company to watch tv. So much for that....but I do sneak away from time to time and it does help me get something done at lightening speed compared to super slow--like the slow train to Oxmox (a favorite book of his)--when he's "helping" me.
So here's my opinion I definitely think not in a kids bedroom. I think controls are necessary. We also love books at our house so the 3 times a day 45 minute (ok sometimes more 'cause I hated it what my Mom made us stop mid show when I was a kid) hasn't deterred that. In fact as I write I have a little one hanging on my knee asking if I can, "read this one."
So I guess in a nutshell I think it's all about balance and circumstance. When it's murder or watching tv which is truly the greater sin? ;)
Besides I live in super white america far from the ocean and in the grocery store a couple months ago my little guy says in a very loud voice, "It's sushi time!"
THAT would never happen without television--we don't even eat sushi!
Emily--I totally related to this post (I am Sally's sis-in-law, by the way....Jordan's wife). I was so sure that James (my new baby) would never watch TV because I had heard so much about how it can lead to ADHD, etc., but then I was rudely awakened to the realities of parenthood! Sometimes I set James in his little swing which is in front of, and to the side of, the TV. He swings away and watches HGTV while I hop in the shower and quickly get ready, or when I desperately need to do things for my church calling, etc. It's usually the only way he stays calm while I'm doing my business. I definitely limit TV time and I need to invest in some baby einstein movies so he's not seeing all the fast/loud commercials, but I totally understand the COPING thing!
My boy watches TV in the morning while I clean the house and shower and then sometimes at night when we do family movie time.
Mostly I just decided not to care. I spend most of the rest of the day going places, reading books, painting, and I feel like this is how I achieve balance in my life.
But mostly I wanted to check in because I believe you are EMILY married to JOE and I remember you from way back study abroad time. I've wanted to track you down for quite some time and then your picture shows up on my old roommate's blog (Jess Kern, who I believe you know from what back different study abroad time) and I was thrilled.
I hope you are fabulous.
When we first moved we didn't have any TV, the bunny ears wouldn't pick up anything. I think Mike and I suffered more than the kids. I love TV! But, we all read more, played more games, and got really creative and did lots of crafts. But... after 4 months we still ordered cable (again bunny ears were not an option) and I love watching Masterpiece theatre and HGTV. The kids do get their time but, we have balance. No TV before school and NONE on Sunday, except Church videos. Now I need someone to help me balance out the Wii and computer games.
I'm not that paranoid yet I guess. Maybe since my oldest child is two and cant change the channel or keep popping in movies without help yet.
I use it for a break as well, without apology. I do try to make sure I dont overdo it, but I think if it keeps mom sane and kind to her kids, that is a greater good than the potential bad it can cause. Especially if the shows are somewhat educational. The one thing on your list I disagree with is TV in a child's bedroom. My husband and I just built our own house (talk about insanity), and purposely did not put cable outlets in bedrooms. I believe the sleep deprivation damage TVs in bedrooms creates (for people of all ages) is as bad as the possibility for "naughty" shows in private.
I have to admit, though, that we just canceled our cable and since we live in the middle of nowhere, we dont even get the local channels, therefore we have no TV. Just Netflix, movies, and shows online. I never thought I would be one of "those" people (a teen in my church jokingly calls herself Amish cause her parents canceled cable). But after the first week of withdrawals, I havent missed it at all.
The bottom line is - do what is best for your family, keep it within reason, and dont worry about it too much!
Our house is a study in opposites. While we LOVE our movies and my toddlers spend two hours a day watching them (And no, I don't apologize or feel guilty for that. When else would I shower or get a little time to myself?), we don't subscribe or watch network programming. We pulled the plug on cable six years ago and don't miss it a bit. Here's the upside:
1. Advertisers don't have access to my kids to tell them what they want for Christmas.
2. My kids aren't into trends.
3. No one channel surfs.
4. No one fights for the remote.
5. My kids read.
6. My kids play outside.
7. We eat dinner as a family.
8. We aren't surprised by skanky commercials.
9. Our house is quieter (even with six kids).
10. And, it's cheaper.
The downside is that the only way we get to watch the Olympics, Presidential addresses, etc. is over the internet.
When we moved into our new home we were unable to pick up any local channels clearly and we did not get cable. The first few years in the house there was just no tv,
only rented videos. It was great, really. Homework got done; piano & violin were practiced; I had more cooperation with kids' household tasks, and I think Sally (she was 16) and Emily (10) interacted better. Honestly I don't know why we ever hooked up to cable again, probably because we the parents missed it.
Actually, now days, with the kids all grown and gone, I only watch BYU tv, and of course I multi-task andwatch it when I'm driving around town and doing aerobics & pilates in my SUV......not!
You mean, some people think it is bad? Have these same people ever had children???
Interesting post Emily. I think you have to be really careful. TV is a slippery slide and habits develop when you aren't paying attention.
We don't do tv in bedrooms, kids or ours. Our Playroom is comical with your basic tv sitting next to a tv/vcr combo (the kids have a lot of VHS tapes that they still love and I'm not buying new Barney's for the last little ones.) And we have a Portable DVD player on top of the tv for DvD use. It looks crazy and like we are huge into tv. Really not so much.
My kids are "forbidden" to watch Arthur (he's mean to his little sister, we don't need that example), Cailou (if you don't know why, you've never heard him whine for 30 min.) and Dora. (yes, good old Dora, she is too yelly. We have enough yelling without her.)We really only watch PBS and a few Tivo'd shows (Backyardigans, I :heart: them!, Jane and the Dragon is cute too.) My kids love the Sound of Music, they can pretty much quote it. Lily tells me often, "I don't need a governess" and hands me telegrams.
Robin's comment above about how kids adapt to a non-TV environment held true in our household: at first, lots of complaining and grouchiness, some increased whining and fighting, but eventually things calmed down and now we're much better for it.
The real story is that it was us, the parents, who were dependent on the TV. The kids: they were fine. WE had to adapt, and once we made it through the rough transition, it's been great.
Participating in the election free from TV was pure bliss (especially in a swing state!). How many political ads did I see? Exactly zero.
On the other side, every single attempt we've made to somehow govern and limit our watching has failed spectacularly. Every. Single. Time. The television is working against you: so long as you've got the programming streaming into your house, it is exerting influence over you and your family. You let it in, and it never shuts up. The only solution (the ONLY solution) is to kill the signal. Cancel cable. Destroy the Dish.
You can do it. No time like the present.
My philosophy on TV watching is for two things.
1. Entertain
2. Inform me of what I'm missing
TV has been crafted to as hypnotic as possible. Just try it, watch one of your favorite shows and right before the final scene change the channel. You'll miss it and it might just kill you. Now listen to one of your favorite songs and turn it off before the end of the song. Totally different feeling. My guess is that the music is comming through one sensory organ(the ear)and TV is comming through two (ear+eye). Now if you want alittle more Ken logic think about how touch deprived people are in 2008. You may not think so but it's almost a fact. People need to be touched, and since they are not touching then basically what's the difference between watching something on TV and real life...nothing. Ok, that's alittle bold and not totally true but, it's close to the truth. The whole reason I went on this rambling spree is because I want to tell you that you should trust the TV about as much as you trust a stranger in your house. If you know what is on the tube and approve then I guess it's fine. But, right now prime time TV is taking America from being the strongest country to one of the most foolish. If americans turned off the TV during prime time 7=9pm and thought about a problem facing the world and how they would solve it then I am sure the economy wouldn't be so bad as budget balancing in DC.
I'm also going to give you a bonus thought.
The TV shows exist to get you to inadvertently expose yourself to commercials. Jay Leno, Letterman, Konan, and others are just promoting movies. TV shows in a series are formatted so that at the end of a show there is a hook and at the end of the season there is a super hook to string you along until the next time they can expose you to the commercials that are funding the show. People on TV shows these days are sexier than ever and it's getting to the point that's all you need to be an actor. Where did all the imperfect people go? News, don't get me started. Watching the news is like watching a bad family reunion. It should really be called "bad news", as you watch it you could insert this line and it will make sense, "you think that's bad just listen to this.", the format is to normally have a male and female broadcaster report on the bad news of the day to see who can report the worst news of the day. It's almost like the "battle of the sexes bad news show". As far as sports is concerned, what happened to playing sports. I guess that's called working out, and if it has the word work in it then it's almost like charity because the vast majority of people aren't getting paid to workout.
Was I just venting...yes...refer to the top of this comment and realize that I still watch some select shows.
Anyway, Emily, I love the blog. Thanks for having me over on my B-Day it was really nice of you.
My 3 kids were raised on TV. Not on TV, watching. They even, gasp, have TV's in their rooms. Two have done college and missions. They are fine, in fact wonderful adults. It will be okay. We do what we need to for survival.
Em-
Agree with you, I do (said in Yoda voice).
TV is tool. Like all tools it can be used for bad or good.
Great topic.
I try not to get guilty about anything I do as a Mom. My kids seem happy, smart, and well-adjusted.
I have always relied on PBS to get things done in the morning. My kids routinely watch Dragon Tales and Curious George as I get ready in the morning and get the breakfast dishes put away. They seem fine with TV- like they can take it or leave it and are not addicted. They watch more TV in the winter - and hardly any in the Summer.
I think TV is fine - and a blessing for Moms - as long as it is not all the children do all day.
I loved your comment about "Boob" in the title getting more hits.
Love the blog. Keep it coming!
Wow, I must say that I have loved reading everyone's comments. Emily you are so good at opening up discussion! I am still trying to decide what I think of tv in my life (or I guess my children's lives). It's sort of one of those love/hate situations. I can see both sides therefore I am constantly changing my mind on the subject. Thanks everyone for sharing! -Lauren
Letting them watch a movie once a day will hurt them. Make sure you are making time for 'mommy and me time'. As long as their favorite thing is not tv but spending time with you, or coloring, or reading books, I think you are just fine
Good points Ken ...
WOW! Thank you everyone for commenting on this post--such great opinions and examples! Lots to think about. I think the fact that we can't afford tv right now, has made the decision very easy. Otherwise...it would be harder.
Now, if I can overcome my internet addiction of BLOGGIN and BLOG CHECKING! ;-)
Great post, Emily P! Finally! Thanks for bloggin what I've been thinkin! I hear you give a great pep talk for moms who hesitate putting on a video for the kiddos. You are breath of fresh air!!
I'm on the complete opposite. We don't have cable. I do let them watch one movie a day if they are behaving. Do what works for your family.
I'm on the complete opposite. We don't have cable. I do let them watch one movie a day if they are behaving. Do what works for your family.
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