Your shoe is untied.

by Sally

April Fools' Day is tomorrow! Are you ready?

April Fools jokes should be funny. Not mean. Here are some ideas:

• Change all the clocks in the house by two hours.
• When someone calls your house, instead of answering the phone with "hello?", say "Hello! Is Bob there?"
• Get access to someone's computer and take a snapshot of their entire desktop. You can do this with the 'print screen' key on the keyboard. Minimize all of their desktop icons and use the pic you just took as the NEW desktop background. Their pointer will still work but they won't be able to click on anything. I wish I could do this to my husband. I would LOVE to see his reaction.
• Or, take a screenshot of the desktop screen, turn the picture upside down, and save it as wallpaper.

That's funny.

• Have a pregnant friend take a pregnancy test, show your husband and tell him you are pregnant. (could be considered mean.)
• Men, get a positive pregnancy test from a pregnant woman, and tell your wife that you are a freak of nature and are pregnant. If you do this, you must guest blog it here on Bossy.
• Tell your kids that your city voted for All Year School with no vacations. You could even print up a fake letter "that came in the mail today" to show them.
• I read about a woman whose mother, late at night on March 31, went around to her sleeping children and carried them into each other's rooms so they woke up in the wrong room. I might try this one. My kids would love it.
• Use a post-it note placed underneath a computer mouse - ensure that it covers the ball or the optical sensor on the bottom. When someone goes to use the mouse, it won't work. On the post-it, write "April Fools!"
• Here's a great one for your spouse in the morning.
• And my personal favorite: "Your shoe is untied." I will be using this all day tomorrow. If you are going to be seeing me, wear loafers. You'll fall for it anyway.
  
  

For some entertainment, here's a (very detailed) record of well-known April Fools pranks. It is long but interesting.

Did you know that Costco now only buys milk from blue cows? Yum.

We want to hear about your Foolish plans! And pranks that you have played (or were played on you) in the past. Please share. We are having a huge blog giveaway for best April Fool's prank comment...a $1,000 gift card to Target!











April Fools!


Sorry. That was mean. But we do hope you have a fun April Fools Day and we would love to hear about your April Fools plans and ideas.

I dare ya.

Bossy Sister Emily's Challenge

by Emily

When I first saw the title to Melissa's post "Say It With Me" I was sure it would be followed with "Go To Bed. Now." When I saw Kristen's post "So How's That Working for You?" I thought she was asking me about my late bedtimes. I feel like the universe (or maybe just Blogger) has been trying to tell me something.

This week I am going to attempt the almost impossible: going to bed each night (Monday-Sunday) at 9:00pm.

Begin: Today

This will be incredibly challenging for me, I always stay up late. I believe that going to bed earlier will be a big boost for my:
-health
-emotional well-being
-energy levels for physical activity
-concentration ability
-energy to prepare and eat healthier foods

But most of all I hope it will help me to be a better parent and a more patient and fun-loving spouse.

Anyone care to join me in this challenge?
What time do you go to bed?

Say it with me

When Dave and I were newly married we lived in a duplex. My neighbor was a busy mother of 4 very young children and I was substituting and teaching at Sylvan Learning center. Every.single.time she saw my car in the driveway she called to see if I could watch her children. I'm not joking. It was bad.

The really bad part though is that, I started to lie instead of saying no. I was weak, young and naive. I told her I was on my way out--- then I had to leave. Or I told her I was sick--- then I had to stay home! It is true what they say about lies, I'd get stuck in them and have to make them truths. ;)

Since then, I have learned to be a very good at saying NO. Here are my 5 tips.

1. Just say No. Stop there. You don't need to explain yourself (this was my problem with my neighbor. My dear Dave would laugh at my predicament and ask why I felt compelled to give her more information that she needed.)
2. Tell them what you are willing to do. "I am only available till 10:00 this morning." or "I am able to help make flyers, but I cannot be at the event."
3. Don't get rushed into a decision, tell them "I'll get back to you about that."
4. Know your limitations. Consider what saying yes will mean to not only you, but your family.
   
5. When the conversation starts with "Can I ask you a favor?" Don't say YES! People think the yes is for the favor, not the asking of it. :) I like to say, "What do you need?" Keeps me totally off the hook.

If you need more tips, Oprah had a series of articles about saying no in all different settings. I also love this talk about Good, Better, Best by Dallin H. Oaks.
He says:

We should begin by recognizing the reality that just because something is good is not a sufficient reason for doing it. The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives.

Lastly, one more reminder from D. H. Oaks talk.

In choosing how we spend time as a family, we should be careful not to exhaust our available time on things that are merely good and leave little time for that which is better or best. A friend took his young family on a series of summer vacation trips, including visits to memorable historic sites. At the end of the summer he asked his teenage son which of these good summer activities he enjoyed most. The father learned from the reply, and so did those he told of it. “The thing I liked best this summer,” the boy replied, “was the night you and I laid on the lawn and looked at the stars and talked.” Super family activities may be good for children, but they are not always better than one-on-one time with a loving parent.

Have a great weekend!

Victory Gardens- The New Trend!

Michelle Obama just planted a veggie garden. I am pretty sure that they will be calling it a Victory Garden by harvest time.

My Pot

Today your bossing is: Plant something this year. Plan it now and plant it in May.

Go to GardenWeb.com for advice on how, what, and where to plant. You can plant a flowerpot, a few herbs, or a full on veggie garden. You can include your children or just do it alone (it is a relaxing hobby). Just make sure you do it.

Tip: my favorite book for flower gardening is the Temple Square Gardening book. It is great for beginners and experienced gardeners.

How's that working for you?

by Kristen

I used to watch Dr. Phil and I always loved this question to his guests, "How's that working for you?" I like that question because it brings about a very important point... is what we are doing getting the results we want? It goes along with the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." So true!

When I was studying special education in college a professor was talking about using different types of discipline in the classroom, and whether they produce the desired effect. I loved the analogy he used. He said that if a child is misbehaving in class and you send them out to the hall, is that going to help eliminate the undesirable behavior? Well, it depends on how reinforcing it is out in the hall. If they can peek in other classrooms, goof off, draw, and visit with passers-by, then it probably will only increase the behavior that put them in the hall in the first place... the hall is more fun than the classroom.

In parenting we have to make these judgement calls all the time. Does putting your child in time-out stop the unpleasant behavior, or just temporarily give you a break? Does grounding your teenager due to low grades cause them to work harder to raise their grades, or does it just make them grouchy and unpleasant to be around, giving them the opportunity to stew in teenage angst (which seems to be rewarding to many teenagers). Does yelling, spanking, or ignoring your children's' arguments make them stop or just increase the intensity? Does buying them candy when they whine for it in the store make them more pleasant to shop with or does it simply teach them to whine louder, longer, and more often when they go shopping with you because they know there is a pay-off? (This applies to bedtime postponement behaviors as well).

Along with these tricky questions comes the whole "picking your battles" concept. I am a firm believer in this. NEVER tell your kid if they don't quit arguing you will cancel the birthday party, unless you REALLY WILL cancel the birthday party. That is a huge thing to follow through with. Instead, take a moment and decide what a realistic consequence is that you will actually follow through with.

Just last week I had to make some difficult decisions. I didn't ground my son (for poor grades), because I wasn't willing to put up with the moodiness, but I did threaten to take away his guitar (which induced a lesser degree of moodiness and a firm motivation to raise his grades), and I told him if he wasn't up in time for the bus, he would have to walk the 4 miles to school, because I would no longer bail him out. And I meant it. And he knew it. He started doing his homework and getting up on time. It comes down to yet another cliche "If you're going to talk the talk... you better be willing to walk the walk." It was a risk...if he didn't raise his grades, I would have to take his best friend away (guitar = best friend), if he didn't get up in time, I had to be willing to let him get a truancy for his 6th tardy because he had to walk to school. I almost didn't threaten that one, because... well, a truancy! But then again, he wasn't learning anything by sleeping in - maybe the truancy would teach him something more important.

What important lessons have you learned in your interactions with others, and yourself for that matter?

Art work by Norman Rockwell and Bill Watterson

The Story of Ferdinand

by Emily
We love The Story of Ferdinand, written in the 1930's by Munro Leaf & illustrated by Robert Lawson. The story is beautiful, the pen and ink illustrations are those of which you fall in love. Ferdinand's eyes, his mother's expressions, his surprise at a bee's sting--Lawson nails every detail, nuanced expression, and landscape.

(If you have been to Ronda, Spain, or Andalucia, you will recognize how accurate these illustrations are!)

This is a book I don't mind reading to my children again and again.

My husband loved the book as a child (a gift from a radical auntie), calling it "Ferdinand Ze Bull!" I didn't read The Story of Ferdinand until I was married to him, in my late-twenties-- his copy all tattered, masking tape on the binding so old it was crusted over, hardened, and torn. The pages completely loose.

We finally bought a replacement copy for our own children--but the original cannot be thrown out. I think we'll frame a few favorite illustrations.

I love the affirmation of the story: that just because you're a powerful, strong, and fierce bull, doesn't mean that you have to fight. More than that, though, I love the message of a mother who loves her child (minor theme). And I love the message of an individual being true to herself despite what others expect of her (in this case a "he", but it crosses gender lines easily enough).

I like to not overthink it too much, in fact, reading about all the politics that have been forced onto this story as an allegory (it lends itself easily to that) sort of turns me off.

Mostly I think it appeals to me because I've never been much of a "traditionally competitive" personality. It's not in my nature to be competitive to the point of it costing those with whom I'm competing. Plus, being a loser just feels awful--and instead of that motivating me to want to be The Winner, it made me not want to compete. Hurt feelings and all that...I'm uncomfortable with winners and losers, I tend towards wanting everyone to be happy and peaceable. So my inner child loves this story, and so does my mothering-self.










Who knew it was such a radical book? Check out rocker Elliot Smith's (RIP) Ferdinand tat on his bicep. ---> If you're going to have a tat, that is a totally cool one.

Also, Fall Out Boy (an alt-rock band) titled an album From Under the Cork Tree, an obvious reference to the book.

The Real Story of Ferdinand (the "real wiki story") can be found here.






(To Robin & my Mom: Ferdinand reminds me a bit of you, as he just loves to sit and smell the flowers)

What's for dinner

by Sally


Do you love to eat?


If so, you are going to love this site. I have already told you that I love chowhound for finding new and delicious places to eat. Today I am going to show you a part of the site that I love because it's all about home cooking. In fact, it's called 'Home Cooking'. Ever wondered what to do with polenta? Balsamic vinegar? How to make perfect toffee? What to bring to a potluck, or what to serve for appetizers? Check it out. You will love it.


http://chowhound.chow.com/boards/31

I am looking to get new knives. The cheapo Sears set that we got as a wedding gift 14 years ago ain't cutting it anymore (pun intended). I will be using the Chowhound Home Cooking site as my go-to resource for knife info.



Here are some headlines from last week:

One Dish Wonders! Simple, healthy and quick. What is your favorite?
Freeze Enchiladas with or without sauce
Sherry substitute for a tomato cream sauce?
my frosting separated
Pie Crust Problems

As you can see, it includes anything having to do with home cooking. I mean, who hasn't had pie crust problems?! Okay, but really, wouldn't you like to get some more one dish wonders?

Enjoy Chowhound Home Cooking!

Happy Spring!

It is official. Put away those Parkas and long johns! Spring is HERE!

Here is your assignment for the day.

Go ahead! Try it! Stand your eggs all up on end!

Some people say it can only be done on the Vernal Equinox, but my research (10 minutes on Google) implies what it really takes is patience not the perfect alignment of sun, moon, stars ad equator.
Either way, it is cool! I can't wait for my kids to get home and show them.

Bossy Sister Interview: Cousin Kory

The Bossy Girls are lucky to have each other as sisters. But our luck doesn't end there. We also have a wonderful extended family. One of our favorites is our cousin Kory. She is smart, accomplished, beautiful, loyal, funny, clever and has a brain the size of Texas. One of my favorite things about Kory is that she has opinions, well founded and carefully thought out opinions, that she will share without hesitation. Sometimes that can be tedious in a person, but her ability to laugh at herself, even while she critiques a politician, a social movement, or a cultural quirk makes you feel lucky to be around her. I always feel smarter after reading her blog: My Soapbox.

Brent feels so so so lucky to have married Kory.

A few more things that make Kory fun to know:

• She is very good at finding the right glasses for your face.
• She refuses to let her blog be a "mommy" blog (and is quick to tell you that there is nothing wrong with mommy blogs) even though she is consumed by her new baby.
• If you need to fight the power, you want her on your side.
• She is a surf loving California girl who married a gun toting mountain man.
• She was a big time forensic nerd (still kinda that way) in high school.
• She once was mugged while on a mission in South America and all she had to give the muggers was her scriptures (classic missionary story!) so my Grandma sent Kory her personal scriptures. I am still jealous.
• She has a beautiful smile and eyes that sparkle when she is happy.
  

..........................

You were single for almost 30 years (Right?). What advice do you have for those of us who want to set up our single friends? We just want them to be happy. But we are afraid to offend, or we aren’t afraid to offend, but either way we offend. Advise us.

The key to setting up single people is to remember is that they aren't single because they can't get married, they're single because they've chosen not to get married. The most offensive thing you can do to someone that's single is offer to set them up with someone else simply because the other person happens to be single too. Like they're going to jump at the opportunity to date just anybody, because they're that pathetic. If you want to set two friends up tell them why you want to set them up with each other- talk about personality, looks, career and most importantly why you think they'd like each other.

If you want to take it a step further you can do the 'sneaky' set up. Throw a small dinner party inviting a number of single people including the two you'd like to meet- don't pair anyone off just have a nice social gathering and see if they hit it off. I wanted my best friend (Amy) to meet my neighbor (Kyle) so I had a dinner party. I invited my neighbor enticing him to come under the pretense that I was setting him up, but

I told him I was setting him up with Jina. That way when he met Amy there were no expectations, no weirdness and they hit it off. I also had the foresight to NOT invite his roommate that was a total flirt and I knew would monopolize Amy and she wouldn't even get to know Kyle. Now Amy and Kyle have 2 kids.

You and your handsome husband just had a beautiful baby. It’s not like you got married at 20 and had your first kid at 21. You’ve had lots of time to consider and plan for this child. After all that careful preparation what was the thing that most surprised you?

The intense instantaneous love for something you've spent no more than 5 minutes with.

You blog about brainy, smart stuff. You have opinions that require thinking and analysis. Many women complain about losing their ability to focus and think big thoughts once they had a child. But you seem unfazed by this. It is a natural gift or do you work at being brainy?

Ah, I see I've done a good job of deceiving you all. News is my addiction, and my mother taught me at a very young age to question authority, so I rarely hear anything political with out questioning it. Then when I start seeing the flaws in what leaders or society is doing I get angry and I need to vent- hence my blog. Hmm...I don't think I answered your question: yes and yes. Yes it comes naturally but yes it takes a lot of time too.

It seems that many women keep their opinions to themselves. You don’t seem at all afraid to state what you think. Do you think more women should be assertive in their opinions? Why?

There are two kinds of people that share their opinions, those that think they are always right and those that aren't afraid to be wrong. Almost all men fall into one of those two categories. It's women that take disagreements far too personally. Ever noticed how two men can have an argument and then 2 seconds later be friends? It's that same trait that allows them to express their opinions with out fear. Women need to get over taking disagreements personally- and not be afraid to be wrong.

Where can we get information on politics? The media is so mixed up and I don’t really know who to trust. And sometimes I am not sure how I feel about politics. Please tell us what we can do to get informed.

Television: I love Lou Dobbs & Glenn Beck (but I can only watch Glenn for about 15 minutes at a time)

Internet: Drudge report, CNN.com, Foxnews.com.

Radio: NPR.

Magazines: Forbes, Business Week, Time, and the Economist.

I try to get information from both sides of the political table so I can form an opinion. I actually hate Time magazine- but I don't believe in just receiving information from those that agree with me.

With all the studying and analysis we will need to do, to be smart like you, we may not have time to fix dinner. What is your favorite quick fix meal?

Um, I don't cook. We eat a lot of cereal. I can't recall ever making a meal that took longer than 20 minutes to throw together.

Brent, Kory, and their little bundle of joy.

Finally, what if your sweet daughter grows up to be a cheerleading bling girl?

LOL! My roommates which were former cheerleaders, having suffered through much mocking, would be delighted. I'd let her join cheerleading on certain conditions:
1. She'd have to get straight A's in school.
2. She'd have to play a sport.
3. She'd have to learn a musical instrument.
4. She'd have to shoot a deer each year with her dad.

..................................

Kory thanks for the great interview! The Bossy girls love you!

Life, Love, Goals, and Things That Matter

by Kristen

The other day I was spending time with two friends of mine, I'll call them Lori and Lucy. Lori is rather slim, and Lucy is more like me, and would like to lose a large amount of weight. I was surprised how often in the short time (30 minutes) that we were together, that Lucy brought up her weight or her looks in a degrading way. We weren't talking about it, but she seemed to pull it into the conversation.

After Lucy left I mentioned to Lori that I wished Lucy wouldn't put herself down so often. Lori agreed with me and we went on talking about hair and other things. We didn't dwell on it, but later I thought about it again. I thought about my perceptions of her. Until that time, I had never really considered her weight at all. She was just a beautiful woman who was a friend. I was aware that she is larger than average, but hadn't spent a single thought on it.

I know other people to whom weight is of supreme importance. They can't have a conversation about food without bringing up weight, they can't describe someone without mentioning weight...and I don't mean like "Oh, she is tall and slim" or "well, she's got brown hair, she's shorter and a little bigger than average." No, I'm referring to the conversation that goes, "Well, she is really big, I mean, she's gained like 60 pounds since high school. She used to be so pretty. You know her brother has a weight problem too. It's so sad." As if that is the only feature of this person with any degree of importance.

Me in high school at about 117 lbs.

As a woman who has struggled with my weight since I thought I was huge and fat in high school weighing a grand total of 117, and eventually came to weigh at least twice that, I can tell you, my weight has almost nothing to do with who I am. It is not important to my success, my relationships, my personality, my morals, my beliefs, and my character. That is not to say it doesn't matter to me. The first sentence of this paragraph states that I have struggled. I have. It is difficult to be large, it is frustrating to try over and over and not find the success in this one arena of my life. I don't care to look at my naked body in a mirror, and I don't love shopping for clothes. I am still trying to lose weight. Every day I think about it, I think about some of the limitations it puts on me. I am aware of how society perceives me. Every day I make some effort, I exercise, I deny myself that cookie, that chocolate, etc. And yet I still am overweight... dare I say it? - Fat. But you know what, in spite of my weight, I really do like myself.

I am intelligent. I am attractive - I have great hair most of the time. I have beautiful eyes and a nice smile. I really like my nose. I have strong legs and a healthy functioning body, could it be healthier? Heck yes, but I still am grateful for it. I have a good sense of humor, and I am honest. I try to be considerate of others and I am a dang good mom! I am a loyal and hardworking employee. I enjoy spending time with my family and my friends. I have lots of varied interests including traveling, books, swimming, and pottery among others.

All this brings me back to Lucy, and the impact that weight has on us.

I remember about 5 years ago, I was at my heaviest weight and a woman who I didn't know very well came up to me at church and said, "You are one of the prettiest women I know. I love your hair and eyes." She has no idea what that meant to me. I can honestly say that I think it had been probably 5 years since anyone other than my husband had given me a compliment on my looks, not my clothes, but my looks.

So here is my bit of bossing for you today:

1) If you know someone who is heavier, get to know them, who are they really? What are their interests? Are they enjoyable to spend time with? They may be, they may not (not all fat people are jolly - and not all skinny women are bitches). But don't define them by their weight.

2) If you are larger yourself: Think about who you are. You are more than your weight, your body, your scale number. Think about what you like about yourself. Ask yourself what makes you a good friend, a good mom, a good sister, a good citizen. Learn to like yourself.

3) When you are out and about: compliment people, all people. Really look at them and find the beauty that God gave them. Find something wonderful to share with them. Tell them about a time they made a positive impact in your life. Or share a treasured memory of them to remind them that they have a place in your heart.

All of the Bossy Sisters, our mom, and Robin's oldest daughter in Mazatlan. Emily and Sally were both pregnant!

4) When you are talking with others: Don't talk about weight; yours, theirs, or anyone else's. Weight doesn't matter and it just makes you a bore to be around. And people question why you can't see past such a surface issue. Talk about life, love, goals, and things that matter.

And last of all...love yourself, regardless of your size!

Teach Your Children to Play by Themselves

by Emily

(Happy St. Patrick's Day! click here!)

When Sally had her first baby, we were lucky enough to live within an hour drive of each other. Because I was fairly newlywed and we were childless, I paid keen attention to this transition in Sally's life.

Which easily takes me on a tangent: being the youngest of 5 is awesome because you really do get so much out of watching your siblings go before you. In my case, I had the best examples. I have especially been watching Sally my whole life, as we are closest in age, and this "watching" has been done both inadvertently and intentionally.

Back to the point: I babysat my sweet nephew every chance I could get. I loved it. This was nothing new, I've been an aunt since I was 9, and I can remember each and every one of my nieces' and nephews' births and the magnitude of the occasion, how I felt my life touched and affected by each one individually.


But this was different, because all of a sudden, this time, it could be me.


Fast forward years later, and it is me.


So here is an important lesson I learned from Sally: Teach your children to play by themselves.

Oh, yes! It can be done! How, you ask? Prove it, you say in disbelief. I have a few short suggestions, and they may not jive with your parenting style, but it has worked for me, and I'm pretty sure it's worked for Sally.

1) Get DVR. Teach your child how to use the remote control.

2) Make snacks (fruit gummies, goldfish crackers, juice boxes) readily available, within your child's reach--you know, so they can help themselves.

3) Invest in a large library of VHS video tapes (because they're less easily ruined than DVDs) and teach your child how to use the VHS player.

4) Put all toys, markers, crayons, playdoh, etc. within arms reach for your child and let them have free reign.

5) Make sure your bathroom door has a lock on it, or maybe your bedroom door. This is so you can lock yourself in, and your children out, when the chaos hits the fan. You might consider some emergency rations in this room (chocolate, Dr. Pepper, a cordless phone, and some magazines...maybe a laptop with wireless internet).



HA! JUST KIDDING!


You didn't think I was serious, did you? Sally, did you really think I was going to soil your name on the World Wide Web like this? ;-)

No, the truth is, and we learn this again and again: an ounce of prevention is worth a stitch in time. No, wait. A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure? Hold on...that's not quite right...

Aphorisms are repeated again and again because of one thing: they teach a simple truth that we tend to need to learn over and over.


An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

A little effort upfront will save you a lot of effort and frustration down the road--and isn't this true to just about everything in life, including all aspects of parenting?

One of the first things I did (and I got this wisdom from Sally, not that garbage above), is that when my sweet little newborn awakens in the morning, or after a nap, and said baby is happily playing or cooing in the crib...as much as I may want to go in and scoop babyliciousness up in my arms, I let that baby play. He is happy. Alone. By himself. Playing. Entertaining himself. Not demanding anything.

THIS IS A SKILL that must be learned. Start early.

Another tip: ROUTINES (I totally struggle with this).

I wish my "routine" were a little more routine, like this:

Wake up (get myself dressed and fed, before kids wake up)
Kids dressed
Breakfast

Alone play time (sometimes I put on some child-friendly music to help, sometimes I deliberately get the kids "set-up" with an activity and then leave them alone to continue)

Snack
Walk? Library? Playgroup? (usually just more playtime)

Lunch
Naps

Wake-up snack
My oldest child has been doing "Preschool Pages" (from a workbook) after "nap" time, I direct her to get her started, then she does it ALONE

Playtime (by this point in the day I need to stop what I'm doing and spend some good playtime with my kids--reading books, or playing on the floor, going outside)

(maybe a nice, single video while I get dinner ready)

Dinner
PJs
Family Scripture Study
Family Prayer
Book
BEDTIME @ 7:00pm!

Celebration because kids are in bed!
Do something enjoyable
Go to bed early

(This is what I strive for, not what I actually do...)
I'm also a strong believer in organization of toys. If you have known me from my childhood, this will make you laugh because I always had the messiest room (please, let's not hog up the comments section with "hilarious" anecdotes of how messy my room was, okay? That's just so... unoriginal...;-))

Though I believe in ORGANIZATION, I don't really know how to do it. So don't ask me how.

Messy toys DO NOT GET PLAYED WITH. Which then results in bored children, which then results in parents being constantly nagged by kids who can't seem to play by themselves.

Finally, one last tip. I just refuse to let my life be dictated by a 3 year old. Ha! How rediculous of a statement is that? Let's be honest, who is in control here, me or she? I'm laughing because the truth is, I love her, and I pay sincere attention to her needs. It is "She" who must be obeyed. So let's have a sense of humor about this. Sometimes though, if she is bored, that is just her problem, and she needs the opportunity to figure it out.

How I respond to these repeated pleas of attention due to boredom differs day to day. Sometimes I just ignore her--I'll tell her, "I'm sorry, but you have to decide by yourself what to do right now. Right now it is Mommy's turn to do some work alone, and it is (child's name here)'s turn to play or work by yourself. You're in charge of finding something to do," and then I turn my back (turn on my mommy-sonar listening ears) and pretend to not notice her display of displeasure.

Sometimes I give in, and all it takes is 10 minutes of undivided attention and love to fill her emotional bucket, and then she's good, and I'm good, and it turned out to be the best 10 minutes of my day (her day too).

And then sometimes...I put a video in, and turn off the guilt switch.

We have to be kind to our kids, we have to try to teach them (give them the opportunity to learn this skill, even if you feel like your being a mean mommy by doing it) to play by themselves. But do it deliberately. And don't be so hard on yourself. And try to laugh. And...and...and...

I feel like these things have really helped. I am always looking for new tricks of the trade, so PLEASE share any wisdom and suggestions--or maybe just humor--we can all use a good laugh ;-)

PARTY TIME: Games and Grub

by Sally

It's time to have some fun!

Last week I hosted a game night. I called it "Games and Grub". We ate delicious food. We chatted while we waited for more friends to arrive. We played Taboo (remember that game?) which was very entertaining and a perfect game to play in a large group. During the game we laughed and yelled and had a good time. After we played Taboo, we talked and talked. And we ate more delicious food. Best of all, my friends and I got some girl time and as always, our friendships were strengthened.

Chatting and waiting for more to arrive.

It was very easy, and you should do it! Here are some tips:

• Decide the date (we did it on a Thursday) and invite two to three times as many people as you want to attend.


• Ask your guests to bring their favorite snack. I suggested that they bring their favorite thing from Trader Joe's. They were happy to share their favorites and it was great to try all these new foods!


• Tidy up your house. It does not have to be perfect.


• Provide drinks, cups and plates, and one snack. The rest will arrive with your guests!


• Have some games ready in advance. I failed on this part! I just assumed that I had complete, functioning games in my game cupboard. Apparently I forgot, temporarily, that I have curious children. Get your games out and make sure they have all the right parts and the batteries are working.


• Games that are good for a group of any size: Taboo, Scattergories, Catch Phrase, Pictionary, Mad Gab, what else?


• Music. I put the ipod on Jack Johnson, always reliable background party music.

It was low-stress for me and I am so glad I did it. Everyone who came had fun. I think am going to do it again next month!

They know me by name.

by Melissa
Remember the theme song from Cheers?

Sometimes you want to go

Where everybody knows your name,
and they're always glad you came.
You wanna be where you can see,
our troubles are all the same
You wanna be where everybody knows
Your name.

You wanna go where people know,
people are all the same,
You wanna go where everybody knows
your name.

Well, the place they know my name-- in fact my voice, when I call,is my Pediatrician's office. I like the think it is the sheer number of children I haul in and out of there (5) that makes us so familiar, and not because we are there way too often. (well, we are there way too often, but not with the same child... you know, my kids love to share things, germs included.) I dont' know my own cell number, but I can recite the ped's number by heart...

Because I am Bossy, I've come up with a few things to make your relationship with the Pediatrician extra special ;)

1. Become good friends with the receptionist by treating her like the amazing woman she is. This will make a difference when you have a sick child and the office is extra busy
2. Be On time. Call if you are running late. If your doctor is always late and you don't want to wait an extra hour, call them and ask if they are on schedule or if you can come 10 minutes later.
   
3. Listen to the doctor, express your concerns, and expect that she/he will have the thoughtful answers. After my vast experience in parenting (que laugh track) my doctor really listens to me when I've done my homework and can site specific examples about my concerns. (Most recently the broken arm that didn't seem broken unless he tried to catch his fall or put his arms through the carseat straps.)
   
4. Be interested. My doctor loves to tell me about her recent mission trips doing church work, her kids Halloween costumes (uber-creative!) and how she makes a perfect Thanksgiving Turkey. Becoming friends has been great, she is an amazing lady and a thorough doctor. She also has gotten to know me and trusts my maternal instincts.
   
5. Be ready with your concerns and don't take too long. She is on a schedule, and besides, who wants to spend any extra time with small children in a doctors office?
6. Follow up. When there is something that needs to be followed through with do it-- x-rays, blood tests, the entire antibiotic!!! Our doctor suggested a blood test for my 3 month old son for MRSA. Yes, MRSA! This was one of those times when I felt silly taking my Baby #5 in for a "diaper rash"... I was annoyed beyond belief. Disgusted that she thought I was a nasty housekeeper and didn't wash my hands (maybe a bit post-pardum hormonal too... and paranoid...) She was right though, he had MRSA. Thank goodness I listened to her and didn't brush it off. (he is fine now!)
   

See, I am Bossy, even if I just married in. Now I'm off to be nurse to my Evie who had her tonsils out yesterday.
(I'm a bit hyperactive with the thermometer... they told me to call if she hits 101.5 *and she has been 100.7* all day. Wouldn't you know it is Friday night. Don't all *possible* medical needs occur on Fridays???)

Lettuce Wraps

I love a flexible recipe, one that can adapt itself to what you have in the cupboard. And I love a recipe that sneaks in veggies - more veggies than meat. This is also a pretty easy recipe, although my experience is that most recipes don't feel easy the first time. But I can tell this will be an easy recipe the second time.


Lettuce Wraps

3 Tablespoons peanut oil
2-3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 cup chopped water chestnut
1 cup chopped mushrooms
1 cup shredded carrot
1 cup chopped green onion
2 teaspoons diced garlic
1 -2 teaspoons diced ginger
Sesame oil (drizzle to taste)

The mushrooms, carrots and onion - all ready to go.

Fry Sauce
Whisk together:
2 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar


10 Iceberg lettuce leaves

Mae Ploy sauce

I got this at Safeway.

1. Add half the oil to wok (I just used a large frying pan) and heat medium high adding half of garlic and ginger.

2. Add chicken and cook until done. Remove chicken and set aside.

3. Add rest of oil, garlic, and ginger and quickly saute mushroom, green onion, carrot, and waterchestnut - keep crisp.

4. Shred or dice chicken and add to veggies in wok. Pour fry sauce over all and quickly fry - keeping veggies crisp.

5. Drizzle sesame oil over all and mix in. Sesame oil can be strong so taste as you go.

6. Let each person assemble their own wrap. Serve with rice and Mae Ploy sauce for dipping (YUM).

Tips and Hints:

• This is easier to make with a food processor. The first time it took me about 25 minutes including cooking time.
• You can use any leftover meat: chicken, hamburger, steak. I used leftover pork chops (3 thick ones from Costco), shredded/chopped them in the Cuisinart and it made enough for at least 8 people (I added more veggies).
• I used regular vinegar. You could also skip/exchange a few ingredients (water chestnuts, sesame oil, peanut oil) and it will be okay. Just not as fabulous!
  
• I didn't use all the fry sauce.
• Use brown rice for more fiber.
• You can cut way back on the oil and sugar if you want - still even with this amount of oil you are getting much less than you would from, say, PF Chang.
• Other veggies that would work: red and yellow bell peppers, zucchini, peas, and so on.
• Sesame oil is wonderful. I make a quick stir fry about 3 times a month and the peanut oil, fresh ginger, garlic, and sesame oil is what makes it taste so darn good (the frozen stir fry veggies at costco are excellent).
• You can also serve over rice.
  
• Good enough for a party or company.
  
• Tastes just as good the next day!

Keeping Our Kids Safe

by Kristen

Several years ago I woke up at about 6:00 in the morning to a little boy tapping me and saying, "Mom, can I talk to you?" He was eleven at the time and knew better than to wake mom for just a friendly chat, yet that seemed to be what he was doing. I mumbled something about talking later, to which he paused, then said, "I just wanted to talk to you about something I saw on the computer."

The response in my body and mind was something akin to what I'm sure cavemen felt when on a relaxed stroll they turned a corner and came directly face to face with a hissing and ready to spring velociraptor (which if you saw Jurassic Park you know is much more dangerous than a T. Rex). I instantly sat up and said, "sure, sure we can talk now. Just let me get my bathrobe and we'll snuggle on the couch and talk". (or something like that).

As we snuggled, he proceded to tell me how he was playing a game online and he clicked on a advertisment which he thought was for a different game and it took him to a pornographic website. Being pro-active parents, we had already talked about such a possibility with our kids and explained what pornography was. As he went on to tell me what he had seen and how it made him feel both curious and upset. As he dissolved into tears of shame and guilt I put my arms around him and tried to comfort him.

The reason I share this story is because it happens every day. Maybe it's happened to your kids, maybe you know about it, maybe not. We had a filter on the computer, I think at that time we were using Net Nanny or maybe Cyber Sitter. Either way, it didn't prevent my 11 year old from viewing some very disturbing images. I wonder what else it didn't prevent.

When I was a young married woman, I worried that my kids would experiment with drinking, smoking, pot, or even sex. But I never worried that they might become addicted to pornography. I never worried that a pedophile would search them out online. I never worried about their physical safety being jeapordized because of the computer. At that time, the World Wide Web wasn't yet a reality, and when it became so...well, it was this thing, out there, not here, not in my office, my house, my daily life.

But now it is a part of so much of my life. I spend hours a day on the internet; working, recreating, reading, searching, learning, educating my son, and socializing. And my kids could potentially do likewise. And now, I know that those fears about their safety and possible addictions are all too real.

How do we protect our kids?

There are so many steps. It starts with lots of conversations about what is or is not okay to share on the internet. My kids have been told they can't tell their last names, the city they live in, the state they live in, their ages, the name of their schools, their school mascots, their sports team names, the places where their parents work, their address or phone or email, their friends' names or information, or any other possibly identifying information. And they've been told this applies both at our house and anyone else's house.

Along with this is the warning to us, as parents, to be aware what we are putting out there for people to find out about our kids. If you blog about your kids, you may be giving quite a bit of information to people you don't know. Recently we discussed this as siblings and the caution we need to take not only for our own kids, but not to be posting pictures of other people's kids without their permission. Just something to be aware of.

While they were young (under the age of 12) they didn't have access to any thing except educational sites or some games. As we found out, the games were not safe either. So from that point on we made even more rules.

The computer is in a public place. In fact, we have a ridiculous room in our house with surround sound (so to speak) desks and a computer in each corner (one for each family member). This is ridiculous. I know. The only reason for this is because part of my DH's job is testing computers and so he is always bringing them home to test. My computer is the only one we actually own. the others are constantly being replaced and upgraded. I refuse to allow that to happen to mine more than once every 2-3 years.

Also, we have filters on all our computers. There are a lot of good ones out there. Some are free, some cost. Do your research. PC Magazine does a good review of the filters and their strengths and weaknesses as well as neat features such as running it in stealth mode, so the person on the computer doesn't know there is a filter. They just keep getting a "This website is not responding" type message. You can also get web search logs and activity logs sent to your email, or set times the computer is "open" for different users.

We don't use those features. This is the most effective feature we have: My DH and I are the only one's with the computer password, so if the boys want on, we log them on, and only if we are willing to stay in the room with them (and we make them turn around while we type in the password). We also have a screen saver set for 10 minutes and a required password to get back on. If we leave, they have to log off. Yes. I know, what a pain in the butt! It is! It is frustrating and annoying and sometimes seems ridiculous. But it works. And we don't have so many of the worries that other people have. At first there was some moaning and complaining (and not just from the kids), but now, it is just the way it is, and no one argues or whines. It just is.

A big bonus to this is, my kids RARELY waste time on the internet (instead they waste time playing Rocky Band and the very wholesome game of Halo). Ug.

And lastly, we talk about it. We talk about the dangers and the blessings of the internet. We try to instill in them good values and a strong moral ethic. We encourage them to be strong and take a stand against such evils, whether at home or at a friend's house. Because not every home has the same rules. We try to make our home the place where the friends want to hang out, and that helps a lot too.

What have you found that works? What are your experiences? If you haven't begun to protect against these issues, I urge you not to wait till something happens. Start now.

My Blarney, Scarlett O'Hara, it's almost St. Patrick's Day!

by Emily

In anticipation of St Patrick's Day, here is some fun to get you thinking and inspired.
To get us started, I interviewed our interesting and entertaining dear friend, Jeff. After his interview you can take a quiz and see how well you performed compared to our "guest expert". Don't forget to post your score in the comments section! ;-)


Have you ever kissed the Blarney Stone? What is that all about?
Of course I've kissed the Blarney Stone. I lived in Cork, the largest city near Blarney Castle for about 6 months. I've visited the castle grounds several times. There's an old legend that says if you kiss the stone, you will get the gift of the gab (which explains why Irish people talk so much). It's a little tricky though, since the stone is on the top level of the castle hanging over the castle wall. The tradition has you lay on your back, stick your head back over the cliff, and kiss the stone upside down. There are several legends that surround the stone and where it comes from, and as far as I could ever tell, nobody really knows where the stone originated. Most Irish people have kissed it once, but refuse to get too close to it afterward... there are also legends about local boys climbing up to the stone at night and peeing on it. How's that for romantic Ireland?


Can you even buy Lucky Charms at the market in Ireland?
Nope. I've looked all over the country at various stores, and I can say for certain that you cannot purchase Lucky Charms in Ireland. I asked an Irish friend from Enfield once why they didn't sell them... he said, "that's like having your biggest stereotype on a box. Would you ever eat a cereal called Fat, Stupid, American Tourists?" Seemed to make sense after that.


Do the Irish celebrate a St Patrick's Day?
Emphatically. The country shuts down and they drink from sun up to sun down. There are big parades and celebrations throughout the country. It's mostly an excuse to drink non-stop.

Examine this photo of the leprechaun on Lucky Charms box of cereal. Would you classify him as cute, creepy, or hyped up on amphetamine-dusted sugar cereal? And what's the deal with fairies? Are they peers of the leprechauns? Are fairies sweet or mean and vicious? Do they do battle with the leprechauns, is it like a Lord of the Rings thing? And are the leprechauns a little ticked that Disney is giving more face time to fairies these days and that leprechauns are now so passe?
Leprecauns are types of fairies but they are always men. If you see one, keep your eyes locked. The minute you look away, they are free to leave, but if you hold their gaze they have to stick around. They are generally very rich (which makes no sense, since they are supposedly fairy shoemakers), but they are also VERY mischievous. Conversely, regular fairies typically have the appearance of women, are pleasant, and generally viewed as protectors (saying that, there is the Banshee, and some other mean fairies).




Where (town/city) would you want to go back to visit in Ireland? What do you like about that place?
Cork or Galway. Depends on what you want to see. Cork is the second largest city in Ireland but is one of the most beautiful parts of the country. It has a massive river flowing through (the River Lee) and it is built on rolling hills. It's a tough city to navigate with a car, but on foot, it is what you would expect a big Irish city to look like. Irish cities do not have tall buildings. They are low to the ground, and if you get on a hill you can see the entire city. There are loads of church steeples sticking up throughout the city, and it is one of the friendliest parts of the country. It is close to Blarney, Kinsale, and the Ring of Kerry. Galway is on the coast. It is a fishing town, but has some pretty amazing views. For example, the Cliffs of Moher (the Cliffs of Insanity) are located about an hour from the town. Either way, for my money, the Southwest is the most beautiful area in the Republic of Ireland (Belfast is crazy, but we're just talking Ireland here, not Northern Ireland, right?)

Are Irish people as hot-tempered as they're made out to be?
Yes and no. The Irish are EXTREMELY generous and kind. They are family oriented and rooted in tradition. They love to meet new people, to tell stories, and to just sit and talk. However, their history is littered with wars and fights over Irish independence. Everyone knows Ireland's history, and is very proud of it. There is still deep seeded hatred for England (especially amongst the senior members of the communities), and for the things Britain did to their ancestors. Some prominent sporting venues in Ireland still won't allow English sports to be played on them (Soccer, Rugby, or Cricket). Only Irish sports (Gaelic soccer- a hybrid of soccer and basketball, Hurling (the fastest field game in the world).

Do they really drink that much? What is the cultural background, as far as you could perceive, of the Irish pub? The local tavern?
Yes. All social situations revolve around the pub in Ireland. If there is a wedding, wake, or birthday it starts and ends at the local pub. There is a joke throughout Ireland that whenever they settled a community, the first thing to go up was the church. The second and third things to go up were the pubs.

Any good fight stories from when you lived in Ireland?
Oh, you're just baiting me on this. If you wanna see one of my fight stories, you can see part one here and part two here.

Can you recommend a CD/album/band that is a good representation of traditional Irish music--maybe something for our readers to google or see if their local library has it? What about popular (radio stuff) Irish music/bands?
I like Clannad. They are an Irish folk group that sing a lot of old Irish music with a new spin on it. Much of their music is sung in Gaelic, so that's interesting. I think most people know that Enya is Irish. Enya still uses a lot of traditional Celtic sounds in her music. As dumb as it sounds, the music from Riverdance is actually really popular in Ireland and a pretty cool representation of Irish music. I own it, and listen to it often. Traditional Irish music is distinguishable by the types of drums, fiddles, and especially pipes. NEVER mistake Irish pipes for bagpipes to an Irish person. Irish pipes are nice, bagpipes are horrible and loud. Both easily distinguishable from the other, if you listen.
Popular Irish performers in rock are The Pogues, Corrs, Van Morrisson, the Cranberries, The Chieftans, Flogging Molly, and especially, U2.

Do you celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Any memorable St. Patrick's Day Parties?
My wife loves St. Patrick's Day more than I do. She throws a costume party EVERY year where, typically, someone always throws up (in a fun way). All of them have been fun, but some of the costumes I liked have been: the year (some wierdos) showed up pregnant with a giant clover painted on their tummies (photo right-->), Jay and Nachelle as a rainbow and pot of gold, and SK as St. Patrick himself.

Now that you have a little guy in your family, what do you think will be fun to do with him, in the Irish vein, as he gets older?
He kind of looks like a Leprechaun, right?

A favorite Irish dish?
Mince meat over potatoes, spinach, Brussels sprouts. I also LOVE corn beef, and Irish bacon.

An odd piece of Irish trivia?
There are pubs that offer free meals any day it doesn't rain. Year round! In the summer, at times, we'd be walking up the street and you would see a wall of water washing towards you. In the winter it rarely snows, but it rains incessantly for months straight. In the summer time it goes away as quickly as it comes on, and is generally pleasant showers. It never gets too far above 80F or below 30F.

Your favorite limerick, any limericks you've written yourself?
I hate limericks. Seriously (and it's my least favorite city in Ireland).

Quick, list as many "marketed" things you can think of that exploit Irish culture. (Lucky Charms cereal, Irish Spring soap, etc...)
Which country? As much as the Irish hate the stereotypes about them, they sell so much JUNK. Leprechauns, pots of gold, toy sheep, etc. In America, Lucky Charms, Irish Spring... that's all I've got!

What stereotypes do the Irish have about Americans?
They think we talk really, really slowly and that we're overly aggressive. They like to hear us say things like "hey man," and "hi guys," or "dude, where's my car." I'm not making that up.

Complicated Costumes: Jeff as CORNED BEEF (see the corn around his neck?), Mindy as a kissable Irish beauty pageant contestant.

What score did you get on the quiz? (below)
14/17, but I'm calling Shenanigans on this thing. I missed 4, but St. Patrick was a missionary = teacher. Right? Right? and I also missed 6. I have NEVER heard any of those nicknames. I also missed the Shepherd's Pie one. No clue on that.
{Jeff, Mindy took the quiz too. Just a little friendly competition. And the ones you got wrong? She got them right! Her score 13/17. I think she'll beat you on the quiz you'll be having at your St. Patty's Party. Watch out.}

Any movie recommendations for a little Irish flavor? Disney, old fashioned, or recent?
Darby O'Gill and the Little People (the Banshee comes out there... another Irish mythological spirit), Waking Ned Divine is a recent one that is pretty funny.

Anything else you like to add?
If you ever have the choice to visit either Scotland, or Ireland (people always compare the two), do yourself a favor: Go to Ireland. One of the most beautiful and friendly countries in Europe.

St. Patrick's Day & Irish Themed QUIZ:

1. T/F St Patrick is not Irish.

2. St Patrick lived during:
a) 500’s-600’s AD
b) 300’s -400’s AD
c) 800’s – 900’s AD
d) 1100’s -1200’s AD

3. The famous legend of St Patrick includes which theme:
a) Leprechauns
b) gold
c) fairies
d) angles
e) snakes

4. St Patrick was a:
a) farmer
b) teacher
c) priest
d) governor

5. A leprechaun is really an Irish:
a) shoemaker
b) thief
c) little person (PC for “midget”)
d) magician

6. What is Ireland’s nickname:
a) The Emerald Isle
b) The Old Sod
c) Four Green Fields
d) The Bower
e) all of the above

7. According to Irish legends, where do fairies keep the Brides and Babies that they kidnap? (sweet dreams, kids!)
a) In to the forests
b) Inside fairy mounds
c) Caves in the mountains
d) Under bridges

8. A popular Irish dish: shredded cabbage, minced onions, mashed potatoes & melted butter, is known as:
a) Mulligatawny
b) Shepherds’ Pie
c) Colcannon
d) Fairy Stew

9. Kissing the Blarney Stone is supposed to give you what?
a) Lustrous Lips from the dewy rock
b) Good luck in love
c) Dispel shyness and improve eloquence in speech
d) Good health

10. What is the common Irish symbol that represents the Trinty?
a) The shamrock
b) The three isles of the sea
c) Three doves
d) A potato, cobbler stone, and staff

11. Why does a leprechaun wear green?
a) Love and loyalty to the color of Ireland
b) To stay camouflaged
c) For good luck
d) Because it complements red hair so nicely

12. Irish Whisky made from potatoes is called?
a) Poteen
b) Moonshine
c) Tater shots
d) Potate-Ale

13. The first St Patrick’s Day parade was held during the American Revolution in which city?
a) New York
b) Philadelphia
c) Washington D.C.
d) Boston

14. T/F Shamrock and Clover are the same thing.

15. The Irish are said to have brought this breakfast to America:
a) oatmeal
b) pancakes
c) Irish muffins
d) Lucky Charms cereal

16. What is in an Irish Coffee?

17. T/F The Potato is native to Ireland?






Answers:
1. True, his father was Italian, and he was either born in Scotland or Wales (conflicting info)
2. b
3.e, legend has it that St. Patrick drove all the snakes off the island of Ireland, and they drowned in the sea. Probably not true, but there are no native snakes in Ireland.
4.c
5. a, shoemaker that is supposedly really rich and mean
6. e, all of them are nicknames
7. b, and some farmers to this day will not disturb "fairy mounds" in their fields for fear of stirring up the spirits of those kidnapped and hidden there.
8. c. Colcannon
9. c "the gift of gab"
10. a
11. b
12. a
13. d, Boston in 1737
14. Depends on who you talk to, the Irish claim they are different, but the clover which grows in America is claimed by botonists to be the same plant with varied leaves and flowers
15. a
16. coffee and whisky. WHOO-WEE!
17. False



How did you score? Have any St. Patrick's Day plans?