In Memory of our Dad

by Emily

Today we are celebrating the life of our father, David Wright Austin. He passed away last week on Thanksgiving morning. He used to always joke with me that it was Thanksgiving everyday for him because (due to food allergies) he often ate turkey and sweet potatoes. One of the things I like to remember about my dad was his sense of humor, like that recurring Thanksgiving joke.

We loved our Dad, and we will miss him. Here is a video to honor him, we hope you'll join us for a moment and enjoy the video. You can also read beautiful posts by Kristen, Robin (here and here), and Melissa, on their personal blogs.

A slideshow presentation in memory of my father.



David Wright Austin

May 27, 1938 - November 26, 2009

If I Had A Gun

By Robin

We all want to be that perfect mom. A tireless, tender, peaceful woman who anticipates every need and quietly stands near with a band-aid, comfort food, and concise soft spoken wisdom.

Once, I fell short of that standard. In a fit of anger-fed passion I said something that has come back to haunt me again and again.

In defense, let me explain my situation. It's hard to believe now, but at one point I was more than overwhelmed with my children. It was about five years ago. I had four noisy demanding children, two of which were headstrong teenagers. There was contention, and confusion, and a measure of defiance. I needed a nanny for each child. I needed a housekeeper. I needed a nap. I needed everyone to do what I told them to do. I was a woman pushed to the edge, so really, I can't be held responsible for what I said (yelled).

A certain child had pushed every button and pushed them too hard. I was furious. Fury isn't a normal part of my personality. I'm not a hitter, a screamer, or a yeller. I will cry instead. Occasionally I will cuss a mild PG-13 word under my breath or rattle some pans in the kitchen. I lean towards self pity and defeat rather than fury and anger but at this moment I was furious. In a moment of regrettable insanity I thought I would kill that boy, so, I yelled, "If I had a gun..." I suddenly went into slow motion mode and realized, as the words were coming out of my mouth, that I wouldn't really kill him. But I had committed to "if I had a gun" and I had to finish it. So I said,

"If I had a gun...I would hit you on the head with it!"

There was a moment of shocked silence. The word "gun" was a big deal and I could see momentary fear on his face. Then as the rest of the threat sank in he started to laugh. It was nervous laughter at first and then it quickly became hilarious. I was a frustrated potential murderer, but knowing the value of being able to laugh at myself, I told the kids I was just kidding and tried to play it off as a joke.

It is a joke. The family joke. When someone gets dramatically angry one of the kids will say, "If I had a gun I'd hit you on the head!" Gabe put it on his MySpace page as his quote. It is a phrase that entertains and amuses the kids and reminds us all of my ineptness at making a decent threat.

It will probably end up on a t-shirt one day.

Library!

School has been out for 1 week. Sibling rivalry is rampant, the cold cereal and everything resembling chips, candy, or white bread has disappeared (did they eat this much in school?), and we have been to the library two times already.In my hometown, Boise, the library is called the "Library!" the sign actually has an exclamation point. People scoffed at it when it first was named but those who use the library get the exclamation point. The Library! is exciting! It is full of fun things for your kids!You feel smart just driving there!It promises peace and quiet and a temporary break from rivalry! Or at least a quiet ride home from the Library! Its air conditioned! LIBRARY!!!!!

Here are a few tips for maximum Library! enjoyment and success:

• Let your kids check out what they want. Ike has 4 Calvin and Hobbes books. Noah is on an Orson Scott Card jag.
• Allow your kids to check out as many as they want.
• Make your kids carry their own books (they won't check out as many).
• Take advantage of summer reading programs and special events.
  
• Teach your kids how to use the self-checkout. Sure, it takes more time, but why are you rushing home? To make more snacks, yell at the kids to turn off the TV, make lunch, tidy up the house, make another snack?
• If you have teenagers start reading what they read and find recommendations (goodreads.com is nice). There are lots of trashy/creepy/depressing teen books. Preview what they read, work to find a list of books they might be interested in, books that make them feel good after reading them.
  
• The great thing about the library is if you don't like a book, you can return it unread. No pressure to get your money's worth.

But my number one tip is:

Use the online catalog to order the books you want. You simply log on (you might need to set up a password and stuff but it is sooo worth the 5 minutes that takes) and type in the name of the book you are interested in, put a hold on the book, and a day or two later (unless you want the #1 book on the best seller's list this week) you waltz into the library (have them sent to the branch nearest your home) and pick up your books. I often pick up 6 or more books at a time: cookbooks, non-fiction, fiction, how to, DVD's, CD's - you name it. Then, because you are online- they will send you a little reminder email informing you that your book is due and you can renew it ON LINE! so cool! No more late fees!

What books are you reading this summer?

I should have voted.

It should have been Allison. Why can't we have a rocker chick as the Idol? I think Kris is cute cute cute and would totally have a 17 year old crush on him but Adam is the one I would pay to see in concert. Can you say "Rock Star"?

Randy Jackson said America always gets it right. But I'm not sure about that. What do you think? Did America choose the best Idol?

What Happened To Me?

During a closet purge last week I found a journal that I didn't know I kept. It was in a box with purses, shoulder pads, belts, and costume jewelry from 12 years ago. I vaguely recognized it as a book that sat on my bedside table for nearly a decade. It was stained with a water mark from a cup, some dried food and it was dusty. When I opened it I was surprised to find a journal started the year before my oldest child was born and ending right after the birth of my youngest, a nine year time span.

How could I have forgotten a book that I wrote? Shell shock. Motherhood was shocking to me. The physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, sexual, intellectual changes and demands overwhelmed me. Here I am, almost on the other side of motherhood, and I can tell you that there were times that I went to hell and back as a mom. More than once. Real hell. And, before I found that journal the hell was pretty fresh in my mind.

Immediately I stopped what I was doing and sat down and read the entire journal. It isn't very long. I probably only wrote 2-3 times a year and some years I didn't write at all. But what I wrote is amazing. I expressed concern as the dynamics our marriage changed with each new child, career, additional responsibility. I didn't know it then, but those changes were making our marriage fuller, truer, more resilient. I wrote of each child's birth with honest amazement at how beautiful they were and how overwhelming my love for them was. I alluded to the sleepless nights filled with worry about their development and progression. I shared spiritual experiences with clarity and appreciation.

Lists. I made lists. Lists of things I needed to be better at. Nearly every entry mentioned something I could be doing better. Better prayer, more patience, better scripture study, be more loving, less selfish, be healthier, cleaner house, better teacher, more cheerful, more attentive, more, more, better, better. I made lists of things I wanted to do, places I wanted to go, things I wanted to learn, if only I had the time.

In spite of the shell shock and extraordinary upheaval of motherhood, I really loved my babies. I was crazy about them. Never have I written as lovely a thing as I wrote in my journal about my children. The words aren't exceptionally impressive, just ordinary words describing the way they played together, the activities of the day, the little events. But as I re-read them over and over I was filled with joy. And peace. I wrote pretty honestly about what I was feeling, so it didn't make me want to go back to that time, but I was impressed at myself.

Each entry ended with a variation of the phrase, I am so tired, I just need to sleep, I can hardly think - need rest, I'll write more tomorrow. The next entry would be a year later.

Roland called while I was reading the journal and I told him how amazing it was. How amazing we were!

Get a journal and write when you can. You will need that journal when you are 44, or 66, or 88 and wondering what happened to you.

Platinum Princess

In honor of Mother's Day we have a guest blog from our Mom. She is darling, funny, spunky and full of good advice. I got my first gray hair when I was about 29. I started coloring at about 32. I have been flirting with going natural, but don't have the guts yet. So I asked mom to give us some advice and share her experience on going Gorgeous! - robin

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• More than 40% of Americans have some gray by their 40th birthday
• Over 70,000,000 women are now over 40 years old
• Fully 1/3 of the population will be age 50 or older next year

GOING GRAY?

No, you’re not. And you don’t have any friends with yellow hair. They’re Blonde.

Your hair might be going silver, pewter, platinum, ice, pearl, or sterling. Never gray. With America’s 1/3 population of baby-boomers, the word “gray” for hair color has become politically incorrect.

All my life I was a dark Brunette. I wasn’t brown, or black.

I think I look like Lily Tomlin in this picture.

In my mid 40’s Clairol, Aveda, Wella, and similar brands, dubbed my color Dark Coffee, Sable, or Love Potion# 9. I thought I would transition to silver gracefully by coloring only my bangs, & about 1“ either side of my part. That worked fairly well for a number of years.

But when predictable & increasingly itchy scalp after using any brand of color turned into a full blown allergic reaction my hair stylist, Odell (the same one that Robin, Emily, Kristen, Sally and Hannah love), said PPD (paraphenylenediamine), in virtually all hair color was the culprit. He told me that letting your roots show was the new thing in hair fashion & encouraged me to let it grow out. Maybe he was thinking of this:

Vogue calls it “showing your stripe.” Imagine reverse coloring, very fine hair, cut short, with no photographer’s fan giving it that sexy mussed up look. Oh yes, very important: change the 18 yr old model’s face to that of a mature woman. On me, after 4 months with no color I looked like a balding skunk.

A toddler at Walmart, pointing to me informed her mommy, “look, she has 2 hairs.”

Then a week or so later when I was checking out at my dentist’s office there were 3 children who must have been waiting for their parent, because none was present. When I turned around with a big smile & asked them why they were giggling like crazy, the 2 year old said, “because your hair is 2 colors.” I just laughed with them & said, “Yep, it’s pretty crazy, isn’t it!” Then I drove straight to the wig shop. This is what I bought:

Actually, I had to order it & wait a week. The wig shop called as I was leaving for the airport. Alan stopped on the way so I could wear it on the plane. Alan thought I looked like a fox & threatened to head back home instead of letting me leave him for a week in Calif. I thought it looked fake, but I guess it looked pretty good:

• The 45-ish flight ticket agent flirted with me.
  
• The young woman ISA employee who had to go through my carry on told me how much she loved my hair & that she had been watching me since I entered the security area. She wanted to know if it was my natural color (I told her yes, which was technically true) & asked if I lived in Boise (yes) & finally, who cut it. I told her the wig lady did. She didn’t believe me.
• I’d told my sister ‘d be wearing my new gray wig at LAX, but she & her husband looked straight at me & were going to drive right by until I wildly waved both arms at them.
• My mother, who wasn’t expecting me (it was my 89^th birthday present to her), didn’t know who I was, even when I said, “hi, Mom.” She thought I was Kris, until I got 2 inches from her face & hugged her (she’s legally blind, so she was easy to fool.)
• My niece, Kaitlin, looked me in the face & walked right past me.
• My sister, Kathy, & brother’s wife, Dyan, both did a serious double take when I sat down at their table in the restaurant where we all met for lunch & until I told them otherwise, they thought it was my real hair, not a wig. In fact they had to touch it to make sure I wasn’t kidding.

It was so much fun that I got a blonde one:

Then a pewter one:

I took Alan to the wig shop with me when I picked up the 3^rd wig and while I there I tried on a dozen different styles & colors. He picked the red one. It his favorite:

These got me through 10 months of really, seriously bad-hair days. They’re made of wonderful new synthetics & are easy to care for, light weight & very easy to wear—not like those awful ones some of us wore in the 60’s-70’s. They shortened my morning “Indian-paint & headdress” getting-ready routine by 20 minutes, at least.

And it’s fun: My bishop told me there was a betting pool going on among those sitting on the stand & on the back row of the chapel, “to see what color Linda’s hair is going to be today.”

It took about 14 months & a few color “low lights,” (not touching the scalp because of my allergy), but I finally have color I can live with. This is me:

I haven’t worn my wigs for 6 months. I’m not brave enough. “Why?” you may ask. They looked great, like perfect hair, much thicker, shinier & healthier looking than my own. Still, unless I’m on a trip, I won’t wear one because I’m afraid if I do I’ll have someone who knows me say, “Wow, Linda, you look terrific,” before they realize it’s not my own hair. Then they’ll be embarrassed.

I read when hair becomes 50% gray you have no choice and have to transition from dyed to natural. I don’t agree. I think in our world we can choose whatever color we want. But if you find white hair on your head & are trying to decide whether to color or not, consider a wig. Choose a good synthetic one, from a wig salon, not some magazine ad. If it is good it will probably cost $80 - $150, but that’s less than a year of visits to the hair salon.

Love,
Linda
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For fun pictures of my mom's wigs, but not on her darling little head, go Here.
This is a link to a great web page on going gray. There are some young beautiful gray haired women.

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Most people wouldn't call me a sexpert even though I am very good at sex.

I've talked to my kids about sex. I wanted them to hear it from me before they heard it at school. I want them to look at me as the expert on all things, including sex, so they can ask me the questions that most parents dread hearing. I want them to have their own knowledge, opinion, and information when they are exposed to their classmate's views on sex so that it won't be a big deal. I want them to view sex as a beautiful private gift between husband and wife and empower them to control their bodies and respect their sexual power.

So I try to be pretty open about it. Use the right names for body parts, answer questions about making out, oral sex, masturbation, what ever they need to know, I want them to ask me. Now, don't be thinking that my kids are comfortable bringing this up - they never mention it. We have to start the discussion every time and it isn't easy.

Knowledge is power, baby. But there can be too much of a good thing.



Did you see this Oprah? When the sex therapist suggests introducing something to your 15 year old daughter, she is suggesting giving her a vibrator. Check out the link here.

What they don't show you in this clip is the teenage girl's reaction. She basically said that it wasn't right. Lots of moms said it wasn't right. I agree. Aren't we sexualizing our children enough without focusing on how to teach them to be more sexually active?

I'd love to see a follow up show on how to keep our children innocent and protect them. How to teach our daughter's that they don't need to hurry and grow up and buy into the sexual pressure they are getting from the world, and if Dr. Berman has her way, from their parents!

What bothers me the most about this is the idea that has been pushed for the last 30 years that "kids are going to do it anyway, so let's be as supportive and helpful as we can!". I can feel myself getting pretty worked up about this. So I will turn it over to you. What do you think? Would you buy your 15 year old daughter a vibrator? Why?

Last year, I posted a blog about how to talk to your kids about sex Click Here to read it.

A Shoulder to Cry On

I am old enough to have lived through the 80's shoulder pads. I wore them. I wore them with blue eye shadow, BIG hair, and acid wash jeans. I was hip and trendy. It was horrible. I had a foam pair ( a little like falsies) that I wore with shirts that weren't even meant to have pads. They were expensive so I saved them until The Great Closet Cleaning of 2002.

Now they say shoulder pads are back!

Victoria is bringing back the shoulder pad and acid wash jean.

Here are a few reasons to bring back the shoulder pad:

• Look like your favorite NFL player!
• Provides protection to shoulders (think of all those painful shoulder accidents you've had!)
• Look like a man=get paid like a man
  
• Stimulate the economy with shoulder pad production!
• Absorb spit-up! Spit-up stays on your shoulders - no more embarrassing spit-up stains on your chest.
• Make your waist look small in comparison to your 36" shoulders!
• Show off your head on a 36" shoulder/tray.
• Look like Hilary Swank without the gym time.

Go ahead and indulge in the shoulder pad. Just please, please, please - stay away from the blue eye shadow!

Easter Grass

Remember back on February 12th when I encouraged you to grow your own Easter grass? Now is the perfect time to start your grass so it will be ready on Easter (April 12th). Click here for the directions.

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Now - a completely different topic. I have 2 tips for beautiful hair. They are pretty basic.

This is pretty much what I looked like before I cut my long hair.

1. Unless you have very oily or short hair, don't wash it everyday. Longer hair is like a silk shirt. Would you wash a silk shirt everytime you wore it? No, you wouldn't because the shirt would quickly begin to look old and worn. Same deal with your hair. So if your hair is longer skip a day or 2 (if you can stand it!) it is so much better for your hair and often I find that second day hair is much cuter than first day hair (and think of all the time you will save!).

2. When you shampoo, apply shampoo to your scalp and hair right next to the scalp. You don't need to shampoo the ends every time you shower, that just dries them out. The sudsy water rinsing through the ends of your hair is enough.

And BONUS! one more tip: use a leave-in conditioner every time.

That's all I got, baby.

Victory Gardens- The New Trend!

Michelle Obama just planted a veggie garden. I am pretty sure that they will be calling it a Victory Garden by harvest time.

My Pot

Today your bossing is: Plant something this year. Plan it now and plant it in May.

Go to GardenWeb.com for advice on how, what, and where to plant. You can plant a flowerpot, a few herbs, or a full on veggie garden. You can include your children or just do it alone (it is a relaxing hobby). Just make sure you do it.

Tip: my favorite book for flower gardening is the Temple Square Gardening book. It is great for beginners and experienced gardeners.

Bossy Sister Interview: Cousin Kory

The Bossy Girls are lucky to have each other as sisters. But our luck doesn't end there. We also have a wonderful extended family. One of our favorites is our cousin Kory. She is smart, accomplished, beautiful, loyal, funny, clever and has a brain the size of Texas. One of my favorite things about Kory is that she has opinions, well founded and carefully thought out opinions, that she will share without hesitation. Sometimes that can be tedious in a person, but her ability to laugh at herself, even while she critiques a politician, a social movement, or a cultural quirk makes you feel lucky to be around her. I always feel smarter after reading her blog: My Soapbox.

Brent feels so so so lucky to have married Kory.

A few more things that make Kory fun to know:

• She is very good at finding the right glasses for your face.
• She refuses to let her blog be a "mommy" blog (and is quick to tell you that there is nothing wrong with mommy blogs) even though she is consumed by her new baby.
• If you need to fight the power, you want her on your side.
• She is a surf loving California girl who married a gun toting mountain man.
• She was a big time forensic nerd (still kinda that way) in high school.
• She once was mugged while on a mission in South America and all she had to give the muggers was her scriptures (classic missionary story!) so my Grandma sent Kory her personal scriptures. I am still jealous.
• She has a beautiful smile and eyes that sparkle when she is happy.
  

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You were single for almost 30 years (Right?). What advice do you have for those of us who want to set up our single friends? We just want them to be happy. But we are afraid to offend, or we aren’t afraid to offend, but either way we offend. Advise us.

The key to setting up single people is to remember is that they aren't single because they can't get married, they're single because they've chosen not to get married. The most offensive thing you can do to someone that's single is offer to set them up with someone else simply because the other person happens to be single too. Like they're going to jump at the opportunity to date just anybody, because they're that pathetic. If you want to set two friends up tell them why you want to set them up with each other- talk about personality, looks, career and most importantly why you think they'd like each other.

If you want to take it a step further you can do the 'sneaky' set up. Throw a small dinner party inviting a number of single people including the two you'd like to meet- don't pair anyone off just have a nice social gathering and see if they hit it off. I wanted my best friend (Amy) to meet my neighbor (Kyle) so I had a dinner party. I invited my neighbor enticing him to come under the pretense that I was setting him up, but

I told him I was setting him up with Jina. That way when he met Amy there were no expectations, no weirdness and they hit it off. I also had the foresight to NOT invite his roommate that was a total flirt and I knew would monopolize Amy and she wouldn't even get to know Kyle. Now Amy and Kyle have 2 kids.

You and your handsome husband just had a beautiful baby. It’s not like you got married at 20 and had your first kid at 21. You’ve had lots of time to consider and plan for this child. After all that careful preparation what was the thing that most surprised you?

The intense instantaneous love for something you've spent no more than 5 minutes with.

You blog about brainy, smart stuff. You have opinions that require thinking and analysis. Many women complain about losing their ability to focus and think big thoughts once they had a child. But you seem unfazed by this. It is a natural gift or do you work at being brainy?

Ah, I see I've done a good job of deceiving you all. News is my addiction, and my mother taught me at a very young age to question authority, so I rarely hear anything political with out questioning it. Then when I start seeing the flaws in what leaders or society is doing I get angry and I need to vent- hence my blog. Hmm...I don't think I answered your question: yes and yes. Yes it comes naturally but yes it takes a lot of time too.

It seems that many women keep their opinions to themselves. You don’t seem at all afraid to state what you think. Do you think more women should be assertive in their opinions? Why?

There are two kinds of people that share their opinions, those that think they are always right and those that aren't afraid to be wrong. Almost all men fall into one of those two categories. It's women that take disagreements far too personally. Ever noticed how two men can have an argument and then 2 seconds later be friends? It's that same trait that allows them to express their opinions with out fear. Women need to get over taking disagreements personally- and not be afraid to be wrong.

Where can we get information on politics? The media is so mixed up and I don’t really know who to trust. And sometimes I am not sure how I feel about politics. Please tell us what we can do to get informed.

Television: I love Lou Dobbs & Glenn Beck (but I can only watch Glenn for about 15 minutes at a time)

Internet: Drudge report, CNN.com, Foxnews.com.

Radio: NPR.

Magazines: Forbes, Business Week, Time, and the Economist.

I try to get information from both sides of the political table so I can form an opinion. I actually hate Time magazine- but I don't believe in just receiving information from those that agree with me.

With all the studying and analysis we will need to do, to be smart like you, we may not have time to fix dinner. What is your favorite quick fix meal?

Um, I don't cook. We eat a lot of cereal. I can't recall ever making a meal that took longer than 20 minutes to throw together.

Brent, Kory, and their little bundle of joy.

Finally, what if your sweet daughter grows up to be a cheerleading bling girl?

LOL! My roommates which were former cheerleaders, having suffered through much mocking, would be delighted. I'd let her join cheerleading on certain conditions:
1. She'd have to get straight A's in school.
2. She'd have to play a sport.
3. She'd have to learn a musical instrument.
4. She'd have to shoot a deer each year with her dad.

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Kory thanks for the great interview! The Bossy girls love you!

Lettuce Wraps

I love a flexible recipe, one that can adapt itself to what you have in the cupboard. And I love a recipe that sneaks in veggies - more veggies than meat. This is also a pretty easy recipe, although my experience is that most recipes don't feel easy the first time. But I can tell this will be an easy recipe the second time.


Lettuce Wraps

3 Tablespoons peanut oil
2-3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts
1 cup chopped water chestnut
1 cup chopped mushrooms
1 cup shredded carrot
1 cup chopped green onion
2 teaspoons diced garlic
1 -2 teaspoons diced ginger
Sesame oil (drizzle to taste)

The mushrooms, carrots and onion - all ready to go.

Fry Sauce
Whisk together:
2 Tablespoons Soy Sauce
2 Tablespoons Brown Sugar
1 teaspoon rice wine vinegar


10 Iceberg lettuce leaves

Mae Ploy sauce

I got this at Safeway.

1. Add half the oil to wok (I just used a large frying pan) and heat medium high adding half of garlic and ginger.

2. Add chicken and cook until done. Remove chicken and set aside.

3. Add rest of oil, garlic, and ginger and quickly saute mushroom, green onion, carrot, and waterchestnut - keep crisp.

4. Shred or dice chicken and add to veggies in wok. Pour fry sauce over all and quickly fry - keeping veggies crisp.

5. Drizzle sesame oil over all and mix in. Sesame oil can be strong so taste as you go.

6. Let each person assemble their own wrap. Serve with rice and Mae Ploy sauce for dipping (YUM).

Tips and Hints:

• This is easier to make with a food processor. The first time it took me about 25 minutes including cooking time.
• You can use any leftover meat: chicken, hamburger, steak. I used leftover pork chops (3 thick ones from Costco), shredded/chopped them in the Cuisinart and it made enough for at least 8 people (I added more veggies).
• I used regular vinegar. You could also skip/exchange a few ingredients (water chestnuts, sesame oil, peanut oil) and it will be okay. Just not as fabulous!
  
• I didn't use all the fry sauce.
• Use brown rice for more fiber.
• You can cut way back on the oil and sugar if you want - still even with this amount of oil you are getting much less than you would from, say, PF Chang.
• Other veggies that would work: red and yellow bell peppers, zucchini, peas, and so on.
• Sesame oil is wonderful. I make a quick stir fry about 3 times a month and the peanut oil, fresh ginger, garlic, and sesame oil is what makes it taste so darn good (the frozen stir fry veggies at costco are excellent).
• You can also serve over rice.
  
• Good enough for a party or company.
  
• Tastes just as good the next day!

BFF

By Robin

Women need women.

All through elementary, middle, and high school I wanted a best friend. Someone I could buy a friendship bracelet for. I had friends, but not a *best* friend. Even in college, I had fun roommates, but still no *best* friend.

Until I met Roland. He was my best friend. But, (you knew there would be a but here, right?) but he wasn't a girl. When I went on and on about a topic I could tell he was trying to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head. I knew I needed a girl friend. Women need women. I think men are fine without men, but women need women.

As newlyweds we had lots of friends. Roland played basketball at Boise State University and everyone wanted to be friends with us. I loved those friends. We did fun and exciting things together. We were young and beautiful. But still, not a *best* friend in the group. I always felt a little unsure of myself and a little lonely, even when we were having fun.

When I was 28 we moved into a new neighborhood, and sure enough those friends faded. And my need for a friend, a *best* friend, grew. I remember going to church in our new ward, looking around and wondering who I could possibly find as a friend. Slowly I made friends. I met wonderful women who I admired and enjoyed. One day I was on a walk with one of those beautiful women, Ann, and I told her how someone had mentioned to me to watch out for the cliques at church. I was bothered by it and didn't want to be perceived as a cliquish girl. Ann stopped dead in the street and said, "Oh, don't listen to that silliness. It's just silly." she waved her hand as if to sweep it off the table and I fell in love with her. I knew she was going to be my *Best* friend. I wanted to hug her right then, I was so relieved, but I didn't want to scare her off. So I acted all cool.

Choosing Ann as a best friend meant that Suzanne would be part of the bundle. I admired Suzanne. She was stunning. And her children were beautiful. And her husband too. She was gracious and kind and well mannered.

Our friendships grew through gardening. I had a new yard and took as many plants as they would give me. They shared all their garden secrets. Ann walked all the time and would stop at my house, interrupting dinner, to tell me what bugs were eating my petunias, show me how to prune my overgrown roses, dead head my perennials and so on. Suzanne would call and invite me to shop for flower pots. The three of us would head off together and laugh more than we shopped. Never did I feel so at home with women who weren't my sisters.

Their kids are older than mine by a few years. So I watched them go through the teenage years (quite gracefully) and weddings and now grandchildren. I copied them. I ran to them for advice. I could complain and worry about my children to them and feel safe. I knew they loved my kids and would always love them.

Suzanne, Me, Ann - BFFs

They helped me through my parent's divorce and then we helped Ann through her divorce. I think it was the divorces that really jelled the friendships, really made us more than friends, like sisters. They were one of the major the reasons I didn't want to move from Boise. I literally thank God for them.

You can't take a friendship like that for granted. I don't.

My parents always told me to be picky about who I hung out with. That advice still rings true. But finding a BFF doesn't always happen naturally. Here is my advice on how to find that Best Friend:

"What To Look For In A Best Friend"

1. Trustworthiness. This means no gossip. Not even about people you don't like. It's easier to confide in someone who is confidential. You are safe.
2. Humor. Someone who can laugh when things go wrong and can laugh at herself, even if she is crying.
   
3. Honesty. She's going to gently tell you that you need a new hair stylist, you need to be nicer to your husband, and give you the advice you really need to hear.
   
4. Kindness. A friend with a generous spirit and compassionate heart can make life easier. I once hosted a wedding lunch in my back yard and Ann and Suzanne came over very early in the morning and cleaned my yard, straightening leaves on the plants and fluffing dirt.
5. Confidence. Its so nice to be with a confident woman who trusts herself to do what is right.

Now you may already have this friend. If you do, treat her like gold. Send her a sweet little note today telling her that you love her. If you don't, don't worry. Wait and watch. When you find this person, be the best friend to her that you can.

Forbidden Candy

By Robin

Does this look like candy to you?

Okay. I guess it does look a little like a mint chocolate bon bon. I hide this little wrapper deep in my purse in a zippered pocket. Does it still look like candy?

I was driving the 12 year old neighborhood gang around to various YMCA's Target's, and Lowe's (don't ask) and on a fairly sharp turn (I hope none of the gang mom's are reading) my purse slid across the floor and this pretty package popped out.

Ike grabbed the "candy" and yelled, "CANDY"! waving it around for all to see. I nearly drove straight across the roundabout trying grab it from him and yelling back, "THAT'S NOT CANDY!" Now, apparently I have fibbed about candy before because Ike didn't believe me. He started begging for the "candy" - mostly to show the other boys how well he could work his mom.

I was not about to have Sex-Education with Mrs. Smith in the 1999 Volvo for four 6th grade boys. The school has a filmstrip for that. I used my don't-mess-with-me voice and said, "Put_that_down." The car fell silent. I meant business and they knew it.

I ended up buying everyone a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup at Target.

I guess the temptation was too strong to resist. Today I found the "candy" open in my purse.

The Functional Family

by Emily

My top 2 desires as a blogger are to: 1) make you laugh (that brings me great satisfaction) and 2) help create world peace (can't do it alone!). In today's post, I attempt #2 in a small way.


Recently my husband and I got away for a long weekend without the kids. The 7 hour drive was wonderful and strange and even dull in some ways. I found myself struggling with maintaining a thoughtful conversation for more than a few minutes at a time. My brain is trained to think in short minute increments--as I am constantly being interrupted by my 1 & 3 year old. It was so restful not having to crane my head and neck around, reaching far back in the car to pass out treats or pick up a dropped toy.

The whole weekend was wonderful, eating out (without the kids), conversations uninterrupted, unlimited in our flexibility to do what we want when we wanted. But it was also kind of strange, like that 7 hour drive to get there. It was too long away from the kids and not long enough.


It has made me think a lot lately about my relationships with my family members, my husband in particular, and my children individually.

A few mornings ago I found an article Joe had been reading, "The Functional Family" by James D. MacArthur, PhD (Director of BYU's Counseling and Career Center). This article was extremely relevant to things I've been meditating on lately, specifically strengthening my family and prioritizing family relationships.

{If you haven't read Sally's interview with Joy (yesterday's post), go read it now. It is wonderful, thought provoking, and I gained so many insights from Joy sharing her experience and wisdom.}

While there were so many different issues of importance brought up in the interview with Joy, these are two things stood out to me in Joy's interview answers (yesterday's post, go read it now!)--her and Scott's deliberate plans and actions to take care of their relationship with each other and their children during this great trial. She says: "I think our marriage has been strengthened by this experience. We have watched each other shoulder amazing burdens and overcome obstacles for each of us that amazed us."

But do we want to wait for burdens as an excuse/motivator to build our relationships? I don't think any one does, and I thought Joy said it so well: "Maybe I will think differently about good things coming from this experience when I look back many years from now, but right now it feels too raw and painful to see much positive. I thought at first when I answered I would write about how it has brought me closer to certain friends who have really been there for me. And while this is true, I would rather have gotten closer to them through a positive experience instead. "

I don't want to wait for a major trial to force me to think about this. When we are faced with an unusual amount of stress or strain in our life, we can choose how we are going to handle it, learn and grow from it. But, like Joy said, I would rather get closer to my husband and my children through positive experiences instead. If I can be spared a trial like Joy's, I hope God will spare me that--but I want that bonding and strengthening, and I think that in my search on how to do this, I am finding ways to foster and grow my relationship with my husband and my children through positive experiences.


Two points that Dr. MacArthur makes stand out to me:

1) In a functional family, parents intentionally strengthen their families.

2) In the functional family, relationships are of supreme importance.

Joy talked about how they decided to use their rainy-day fund to pay for the extra help they needed during this temporary time in their life. She talked about deliberately scheduled days so that time could be spent with each member of the family, but also about accepting help from others with her daughter so that her daughter's emotional needs are met.

Dr. MacArthur suggests some obvious and simple things for those of us who are not in crisis mode, and though they are obvious, I appreciated being reminded of these things (I like to read this list with each individual family member in mind):

• talk together


• play together


• one-on-one time together


• send letters, cards, or notes sharing your affection


• give compliments


• do something fun and unexpected


• say "I love you"


• listen to the other person


• ask him or her to help you on a project


• share personal feelings

He says, "All of these require that you personally get engaged in things the other person is doing...you might be surprised at how far-reaching your positive influence can be."

So many of you, readers, have been specific examples to me of these things.

My own mother and her husband make very conscious efforts to accommodate each others' needs, whether it's mom's need to travel to visit children, or Alan's need to work creatively with his instruments.

I've watched my parents-in-law go from a full house to an empty nest and all children married in a matter of 5 years. I see them putting a concerted effort into their marriage now that the children are grown and "out of the way". They've always been loving to each other, doing acts of service for each other, but I've noticed they've stepped it up a notch. It is beautiful.

My friend Hilary posts the most genuine posts of love for her children and husband, and a recent post about her husband's efforts to re-create a special memory of their high school romance. They've been a couple for a long time, and I can see how their love makes them want to do things for each other, but also how that cycle repeats, and the doing things for each other increases their love.

I see my sister Robin who has been married the longest of us Bossy Sisters, and how she and Roland put endless hours and efforts of love into their children, their marriage. One of the things I love most about R&R is their sense of humor to get through life and enjoy each other's company. One of the things I admire the most in their family is the absolute devotion they have to their children. When I read "The Functional Family" article, I can think of specific examples of how R&R have fulfilled every single category that Dr. MacArthur puts forth to have a loving, stable family. Anyone who knows them will attest to the love they have for each other.

This is to say that when life is stripped away to its bare minimal components, I want to see strong, loving relationships at its foundation. I want to know that my efforts were intentional. I want to be ready and make the same kind of decisions that I've seen you make everyday, and also in times of trauma and crisis to strengthen and uphold each other. I want to do that now with deliberate positive experiences that we create.

It goes without saying, but I'll say it anyway, I love my husband. I cannot imagine building a life with anyone else. Our children are precious to us, it almost makes me panic to think about teaching them and equipping them adequately for this life. But I think I'm learning that its not enough to just love, you have to do something about it--consistently. It is never ending and it can continue to grow.

{Now, hopefully my next post will make you laugh.}

Grow Your Own Wheatgrass

Do you miss spring? I have a cure for you. Grow your own wheat grass!It's easy. It's fun! It will make you feel good.

I have been growing wheat grass every spring for the last 5 years. Seeing that bright green patch of grass everyday lifts my spirits and helps me feel hopeful. I don't use it for juicing - but you can. It is the same exact wheat grass that you get at juice bars. It really is good for you.

You probably have a couple of barrels of wheat right? If not, get some. It's good to have on hand should anything happen to your source of food. It lasts forever. I have had my wheat for 15 years now and it still makes wonderful bread and beautiful wheat grass! You can buy a pound of wheat berries (wheat seed) at a health food store for $1. A pound is more than enough.

Next, find some containers for your grass. Seed trays work great and are available anyplace that sells garden supplies. I also have planted in shallow buckets, Easter baskets, clementine boxes lined with plastic, bowls, trays, casserole dishes and even in cracked eggs! Anything that will hold about 2 inches of dirt and water will work fine. Drainage is nice but not necessary. If you do have drainage in your container, cover the holes with newspaper before adding dirt.

Now you are ready:

1. Soak the wheat berries in water for 10 hours.
2. Fill planter with potting soil 2 inches deep.
3. Sprinkle soaked wheat berries over damp soil. They can be very close to each other, even touching.
4. Lightly sprinkle a very thin layer of soil over the wheat. Sometimes I skip this step and it turns out fine.
   
5. Spray with a water bottle.
6. Cover with plastic wrap and put near a shady warm spot. (I keep mine in the southern window with a thick dishtowel covering it.)
7. Check daily to be sure the wheat is moist and warm.
8. After about 3/5 days you will see sprouts, remove plastic as soon as you see those sprouts and move sprouts to sunny area.
9. After 7 days you should see grass! Check daily for moisture, spray with water if needed.
   
10. 10 days after planting you should have a nice tray of grass about 6-8 inches long.

Hints:
Sometimes the wheat grass gets a little mildew - that's okay, you can't really see it, but it has that smell. When that happens I let mine dry out just a bit and move it so it isn't under my nose.

After 14 days your grass might look a little worn out. Just give it a little haircut! Cut 2/3 of the grass off and in a few days you will see bright green new growth.

After the second cutting and growth the grass kinda fades. When it looks tired, I dump the grass and soil into my garden (or flowerpot) and cover with mulch. Then, in May plant your annuals in that spot and you will have the best annuals ever!

This makes a wonderful display/gift for Easter. Easter is April 12th this year. So, If you haven't done this before, do a trial run now, and then on April 2nd start your Easter project.


Interested in wheat grass juice and how to use it? Check this out. It's pretty much a miracle food.