Good Enough

by Emily

This fall I started school again full time, working on my Master's degree in Literature. I'm doing it for the money.

(read: sarcasm)

There is a lot to talk about here--a lot about the change of pace, and the weird feeling of living a double life. Mostly there is a lot to talk about my constant reflection and reevaluating the situation as it affects our family, most especially our children.

In a "letter" to my sisters on our private forum, I wrote the following:

"So, I'm having one of those weeks, day after day, where I keep thinking "Who am I kidding? I thought I could do this?" It is getting ROUGH.


This time of year is always hectic, and with school now--and all the church activities and services, I have a hard time not feeling a bit...resentful? Like, between Monday and Sunday, I don't have a single "free-day" to catch up on all the stuff that has slipped through the cracks--some of it pretty essential stuff. But then I ask: how I would change it? Would I want to be released from Primary (Primary is Sunday School for children ages 3-11), or quit school, or just never be home and always work super hard up on campus away from all distractions? And I realize I wouldn't change any of those things. I like being in the Primary, school has been really good for me, and most of all, my kids are the most important of all these things to me--and I want to be home with them as much as possible."

I have to get used to doing things so that they are "good enough," and that is new and hard for me.

Joe is doing even more household and parenting things than what he's already used to doing (which is to say, he's always been very active in those areas of our family life). Even so, the floor is often icky, and the clean laundry may not get folded before it is worn and needs washing again, and my 2 & 4 yr olds will keep on running in circles, laughing and whining. My hair might stick up kinda funny, and I'll probably choose the comfortable shoes over the cute ones. But let's be honest--was it much different before I started school? It's not as if I was ever a stellar housekeeper. I do make good food though--when I have time.

So here's my pat on my own back: we keep on making time for family dinner even if it is frozen Bertolli meals (I recommend the ones with shrimp). And if you're lucky you'll still be invited over to our house for that dinner, but the house may be less tidy than before, and the dessert might also come from the freezer (ice cream). And the Sunday School lessons will still be just as every bit delivered from the heart, but the handouts might not have pretty ribbon or glitter glue on them. And the homework gets done, and I'm reading faster everyday.

And still the best part of my day isn't nailing that class presentation or paper, but coming home to my family for our daily dinner, pajama, scripture/prayer, and bed routine. That, and stealing one last glimpse and kiss when my babies are fast asleep.

The replies I got from my Bossy Sisters let me know that 1) they believe in me, 2) they love me, 3) they've been there too (haven't we all?), and 4) they are good listeners.

Here is just a snippet:

"Let the little things go. If that doesn't work, let the mid-size things go. :) "
-Bossy Sister Melissa

"You have taken on a serious challenge and you are rising to meet the demands. You can do this! I think you will always be glad you did it."
-Bossy Sister Sally

"I understand completely. It is really hard but you can do hard things. I love you. Hang in there. You are amazing."
-Bossy Sister Robin


And finally, the one that made me laugh the most:

"Well, you took a pretty big bite. I wouldn't be surprised if you have to chew with your mouth open and a few little crumbs fall out."
-Bossy but Wise (and funny) Robin



Is there anything in your life that you're willing to admit to doing just "good enough"? What secret tricks of the trade can you share with me? (I need them!)

Trusting Teenagers

You know when your teenager is going on about how you never let them do anything? And you are trying to remind them that just a few days ago they were at their girlfriend's house for a movie party and that this weekend they had 5 friends over for a halo party. And then they say, "Mom, nothing's going to happen, you can trust me on that. Don't you trust me?"


Well, this is my response to that now, "Honey, I trust you so much that I asked you to cut my hair. I handed you scissors and put my golden mane in your steady hands. Of course I trust you!"

Of course, when I did this, one of my teenagers didn't trust himself. He backed away and said, "No way! I'm not cutting your hair. What if I mess up?"

The other teenager? He happily took the scissors and went to town. Here is the happy result:

How much do you trust your teenagers?

Twice and Half

by Kristen

Today's blog is inspired by "The One Minute Writer" blog. Which I always read and think about doing what is suggested: writing for one minute on the suggested topic, but as of yet, I haven't written. I've just answered the questions in my head. I'm a great writer in my head. I wish you could read my brain, you would be impressed.

Unfortunately, the transfer from brain to finger-tips isn't always so eloquent, so bear with me. About a week ago the One Minute Write Prompter asked me to fill in the blanks in a statement, and then expand on them. Here is the sentence, "In my life I'd like twice as much __________, and half as much ____________, as I currently have." Try as I might, I cannot fill in the blanks to my complete satisfaction. I tried "joy/sorrow", but then I thought that both of those have their place and purpose in my life and maybe I wouldn't grow if that were the case. I thought about "sex/stress", but unfortunately twice as much sex would still be zero. Then I tried "money/housework", but then I thought that perhaps I need the housework to provide the opportunity to teach my kids, and I felt guilty about wanting less of it. I tried sticking with the money part and filled the second blank in with "demands on my time", but quickly just flip-flopped that to "time/expenses". That one is sounding good - but kind of selfish. Then I tried "energy/weight", and I must say, I'm sticking with that for now. Yes, In my life I'd like twice as much energy, and half as much weight as I currently have. Because then I could accomplish all that I need to do, which would lead to a better income, greater satisfaction, and a happier family, and I would feel better doing it, and look hot too!

So, let's put you to the one minute writing test - fill in the blanks, and expand on them if you so desire. You can also go to The One Minute Writer and see what other people have written. There are some good responses there.

Tax Day

by Kristen

I am one of the many people who use the stupid savings system called government tax withholding. Every year I get a nice big fat refund, and every year my tax preparer explains how I could be enjoying that money all year long and earning interest on it.

So this year, after finding out what a nice big refund we are getting, my husband actually contacted the accounting dept to change the withholdings so we can use our money when we earn it.

What I'm wondering is, how can I keep us from just frittering that away. It's nice to get a big refund, those of you who've done it know how that works. You get a large chunk and you can do something meaningful with it. Would I really save that money and set it aside? Or would it just turn into fast food and gasoline, and the occasional pair of shoes for my rapidly growing boys?

What is your take on that?

Bossy Sister Emily's Challenge

by Emily

When I first saw the title to Melissa's post "Say It With Me" I was sure it would be followed with "Go To Bed. Now." When I saw Kristen's post "So How's That Working for You?" I thought she was asking me about my late bedtimes. I feel like the universe (or maybe just Blogger) has been trying to tell me something.

This week I am going to attempt the almost impossible: going to bed each night (Monday-Sunday) at 9:00pm.

Begin: Today

This will be incredibly challenging for me, I always stay up late. I believe that going to bed earlier will be a big boost for my:
-health
-emotional well-being
-energy levels for physical activity
-concentration ability
-energy to prepare and eat healthier foods

But most of all I hope it will help me to be a better parent and a more patient and fun-loving spouse.

Anyone care to join me in this challenge?
What time do you go to bed?

Life, Love, Goals, and Things That Matter

by Kristen

The other day I was spending time with two friends of mine, I'll call them Lori and Lucy. Lori is rather slim, and Lucy is more like me, and would like to lose a large amount of weight. I was surprised how often in the short time (30 minutes) that we were together, that Lucy brought up her weight or her looks in a degrading way. We weren't talking about it, but she seemed to pull it into the conversation.

After Lucy left I mentioned to Lori that I wished Lucy wouldn't put herself down so often. Lori agreed with me and we went on talking about hair and other things. We didn't dwell on it, but later I thought about it again. I thought about my perceptions of her. Until that time, I had never really considered her weight at all. She was just a beautiful woman who was a friend. I was aware that she is larger than average, but hadn't spent a single thought on it.

I know other people to whom weight is of supreme importance. They can't have a conversation about food without bringing up weight, they can't describe someone without mentioning weight...and I don't mean like "Oh, she is tall and slim" or "well, she's got brown hair, she's shorter and a little bigger than average." No, I'm referring to the conversation that goes, "Well, she is really big, I mean, she's gained like 60 pounds since high school. She used to be so pretty. You know her brother has a weight problem too. It's so sad." As if that is the only feature of this person with any degree of importance.

Me in high school at about 117 lbs.

As a woman who has struggled with my weight since I thought I was huge and fat in high school weighing a grand total of 117, and eventually came to weigh at least twice that, I can tell you, my weight has almost nothing to do with who I am. It is not important to my success, my relationships, my personality, my morals, my beliefs, and my character. That is not to say it doesn't matter to me. The first sentence of this paragraph states that I have struggled. I have. It is difficult to be large, it is frustrating to try over and over and not find the success in this one arena of my life. I don't care to look at my naked body in a mirror, and I don't love shopping for clothes. I am still trying to lose weight. Every day I think about it, I think about some of the limitations it puts on me. I am aware of how society perceives me. Every day I make some effort, I exercise, I deny myself that cookie, that chocolate, etc. And yet I still am overweight... dare I say it? - Fat. But you know what, in spite of my weight, I really do like myself.

I am intelligent. I am attractive - I have great hair most of the time. I have beautiful eyes and a nice smile. I really like my nose. I have strong legs and a healthy functioning body, could it be healthier? Heck yes, but I still am grateful for it. I have a good sense of humor, and I am honest. I try to be considerate of others and I am a dang good mom! I am a loyal and hardworking employee. I enjoy spending time with my family and my friends. I have lots of varied interests including traveling, books, swimming, and pottery among others.

All this brings me back to Lucy, and the impact that weight has on us.

I remember about 5 years ago, I was at my heaviest weight and a woman who I didn't know very well came up to me at church and said, "You are one of the prettiest women I know. I love your hair and eyes." She has no idea what that meant to me. I can honestly say that I think it had been probably 5 years since anyone other than my husband had given me a compliment on my looks, not my clothes, but my looks.

So here is my bit of bossing for you today:

1) If you know someone who is heavier, get to know them, who are they really? What are their interests? Are they enjoyable to spend time with? They may be, they may not (not all fat people are jolly - and not all skinny women are bitches). But don't define them by their weight.

2) If you are larger yourself: Think about who you are. You are more than your weight, your body, your scale number. Think about what you like about yourself. Ask yourself what makes you a good friend, a good mom, a good sister, a good citizen. Learn to like yourself.

3) When you are out and about: compliment people, all people. Really look at them and find the beauty that God gave them. Find something wonderful to share with them. Tell them about a time they made a positive impact in your life. Or share a treasured memory of them to remind them that they have a place in your heart.

All of the Bossy Sisters, our mom, and Robin's oldest daughter in Mazatlan. Emily and Sally were both pregnant!

4) When you are talking with others: Don't talk about weight; yours, theirs, or anyone else's. Weight doesn't matter and it just makes you a bore to be around. And people question why you can't see past such a surface issue. Talk about life, love, goals, and things that matter.

And last of all...love yourself, regardless of your size!

Teach Your Children to Play by Themselves

by Emily

(Happy St. Patrick's Day! click here!)

When Sally had her first baby, we were lucky enough to live within an hour drive of each other. Because I was fairly newlywed and we were childless, I paid keen attention to this transition in Sally's life.

Which easily takes me on a tangent: being the youngest of 5 is awesome because you really do get so much out of watching your siblings go before you. In my case, I had the best examples. I have especially been watching Sally my whole life, as we are closest in age, and this "watching" has been done both inadvertently and intentionally.

Back to the point: I babysat my sweet nephew every chance I could get. I loved it. This was nothing new, I've been an aunt since I was 9, and I can remember each and every one of my nieces' and nephews' births and the magnitude of the occasion, how I felt my life touched and affected by each one individually.


But this was different, because all of a sudden, this time, it could be me.


Fast forward years later, and it is me.


So here is an important lesson I learned from Sally: Teach your children to play by themselves.

Oh, yes! It can be done! How, you ask? Prove it, you say in disbelief. I have a few short suggestions, and they may not jive with your parenting style, but it has worked for me, and I'm pretty sure it's worked for Sally.

1) Get DVR. Teach your child how to use the remote control.

2) Make snacks (fruit gummies, goldfish crackers, juice boxes) readily available, within your child's reach--you know, so they can help themselves.

3) Invest in a large library of VHS video tapes (because they're less easily ruined than DVDs) and teach your child how to use the VHS player.

4) Put all toys, markers, crayons, playdoh, etc. within arms reach for your child and let them have free reign.

5) Make sure your bathroom door has a lock on it, or maybe your bedroom door. This is so you can lock yourself in, and your children out, when the chaos hits the fan. You might consider some emergency rations in this room (chocolate, Dr. Pepper, a cordless phone, and some magazines...maybe a laptop with wireless internet).



HA! JUST KIDDING!


You didn't think I was serious, did you? Sally, did you really think I was going to soil your name on the World Wide Web like this? ;-)

No, the truth is, and we learn this again and again: an ounce of prevention is worth a stitch in time. No, wait. A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure? Hold on...that's not quite right...

Aphorisms are repeated again and again because of one thing: they teach a simple truth that we tend to need to learn over and over.


An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

A little effort upfront will save you a lot of effort and frustration down the road--and isn't this true to just about everything in life, including all aspects of parenting?

One of the first things I did (and I got this wisdom from Sally, not that garbage above), is that when my sweet little newborn awakens in the morning, or after a nap, and said baby is happily playing or cooing in the crib...as much as I may want to go in and scoop babyliciousness up in my arms, I let that baby play. He is happy. Alone. By himself. Playing. Entertaining himself. Not demanding anything.

THIS IS A SKILL that must be learned. Start early.

Another tip: ROUTINES (I totally struggle with this).

I wish my "routine" were a little more routine, like this:

Wake up (get myself dressed and fed, before kids wake up)
Kids dressed
Breakfast

Alone play time (sometimes I put on some child-friendly music to help, sometimes I deliberately get the kids "set-up" with an activity and then leave them alone to continue)

Snack
Walk? Library? Playgroup? (usually just more playtime)

Lunch
Naps

Wake-up snack
My oldest child has been doing "Preschool Pages" (from a workbook) after "nap" time, I direct her to get her started, then she does it ALONE

Playtime (by this point in the day I need to stop what I'm doing and spend some good playtime with my kids--reading books, or playing on the floor, going outside)

(maybe a nice, single video while I get dinner ready)

Dinner
PJs
Family Scripture Study
Family Prayer
Book
BEDTIME @ 7:00pm!

Celebration because kids are in bed!
Do something enjoyable
Go to bed early

(This is what I strive for, not what I actually do...)
I'm also a strong believer in organization of toys. If you have known me from my childhood, this will make you laugh because I always had the messiest room (please, let's not hog up the comments section with "hilarious" anecdotes of how messy my room was, okay? That's just so... unoriginal...;-))

Though I believe in ORGANIZATION, I don't really know how to do it. So don't ask me how.

Messy toys DO NOT GET PLAYED WITH. Which then results in bored children, which then results in parents being constantly nagged by kids who can't seem to play by themselves.

Finally, one last tip. I just refuse to let my life be dictated by a 3 year old. Ha! How rediculous of a statement is that? Let's be honest, who is in control here, me or she? I'm laughing because the truth is, I love her, and I pay sincere attention to her needs. It is "She" who must be obeyed. So let's have a sense of humor about this. Sometimes though, if she is bored, that is just her problem, and she needs the opportunity to figure it out.

How I respond to these repeated pleas of attention due to boredom differs day to day. Sometimes I just ignore her--I'll tell her, "I'm sorry, but you have to decide by yourself what to do right now. Right now it is Mommy's turn to do some work alone, and it is (child's name here)'s turn to play or work by yourself. You're in charge of finding something to do," and then I turn my back (turn on my mommy-sonar listening ears) and pretend to not notice her display of displeasure.

Sometimes I give in, and all it takes is 10 minutes of undivided attention and love to fill her emotional bucket, and then she's good, and I'm good, and it turned out to be the best 10 minutes of my day (her day too).

And then sometimes...I put a video in, and turn off the guilt switch.

We have to be kind to our kids, we have to try to teach them (give them the opportunity to learn this skill, even if you feel like your being a mean mommy by doing it) to play by themselves. But do it deliberately. And don't be so hard on yourself. And try to laugh. And...and...and...

I feel like these things have really helped. I am always looking for new tricks of the trade, so PLEASE share any wisdom and suggestions--or maybe just humor--we can all use a good laugh ;-)

The Numbing

by Emily

Exhibit A: The Numbing

Dilbert

Joe clipped this cartoon from the local paper's funnies over 5 years ago. It still comes to mind at random times in life. Recently I thought of it in humorous terms as a SAHM. I think it translates pretty well, don't you?


Exhibit B: The Smothering

The Sword in the Stone

"Um, Merlin? How will we get by?" and then to the girl squirrel, "Go on! Go on! You've got lots of room!"

Those squirrels are so darn cute! This cartoon makes me laugh out loud. I love the choreography of the tails, the absolute certainty of the girl squirrel--absolutely certain that the boy squirrel is just as in love with her and she is with him.

It reminds me of my children and captures so well how I often feel. They're SO cute, and sometimes I think I'm about to go CRAZY CAKES on them if they do not "go on! go on!" or "leave me alone" or "go away" or realize that there is "lots of room" for all of us. Just like the Wart (future King Arthur) is trying to figure out how to "get by" the squirrel, I sometimes feel like I spend my entire day trying to "get by" my kids--there is so much to do! It is all so important (you know) like dishes, laundry, meal prep, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!

There is a story my Bossy sister Robin tells that I love. It goes something like this: while watching old family videos and nearly weeping at the cuteness and littleness of her children, she hears a horrible, horrible thing in the background. Here are these adorable squeaky voices of Hannah, Gabe, and Noah in all their smallness and sweetness. And there it is again--the horrible thing in the background. It is mom. Mom's exasperated, annoyed, I'm-about-to-go-CRAZY-CAKES-on-you-all-if-you-don't-knock-it-off-right-now voice.

Only, in Robin's telling of the story it is much funnier, and she'll say something about how surely that wasn't her in the background behind the scenes! That must have been some other wicked-step-mother. She felt nothing but love and never-ending-patience for her children. All the time. Every minute. Every day.

Exhibit C: The Moment

I know that the dishes and the laundry and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning can wait. I know that. But I don't always feel that. Bossy sister Melissa has a quote on her blog that I love, that I will steal and share (I think I need to laminate it and tape it to my forehead):

“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” Anna Quindlen

So here's to the Numbing, the Smothering, and the Moment: Love is a Powerful Thing. At least that's what Merlin says to future King Arthur after their adventure as squirrels. I believe it, and I'll try not to forget it.

SLEEP!!!

This week I have had some sleep experiences that have confirmed to me that I need sleep. On Sunday I got home from a great and restful vacation in California. Already I am exhausted! That was only 2 days ago!

On Monday I had an EEG and MRI scheduled - the EEG required that I be sleep deprived, so like a good patient I stayed up Sunday night watching episodes of True Beauty, Biggest Loser, and Burn Notice, I also woke up on Monday at a bright cheerful 5:30am ... net sleep = 3.5 hours.
Monday night I stayed up trying to catch up on email, mail, bills, etc . till midnight, and by the time I got into bed it was actually 12:43am. I woke up at 6:00am to work out with my trainer ... net sleep = 5 hours.

Later today I got a call from the doctor, wanting a second MRI, with a dye contrast. So I went and did that today.

Now I'm not sure if the dye is causing my swimming dizzy head, or if it is the severe lack of sleep...but I can tell you, it is not working for me!

Lesson here - sleep. Get at least 6, preferably 8 hours of sleep each night. Or you will be a walking zombie like me!

So that is your bossing for today - sleep, sleep, sleep! Goodnight....

GO TO SLEEP!

________ Makes Me Happy.

by Emily

Well, it ain't the cold weather.

It makes me down right grumpy, morose, cranky, yea even cantankerous, ill-humored, gloomy, dyspeptic, irritable, slothful, acrimonious even. Essentially it renders me useless and unpleasant to be around. Be warned. Here's a photo just in case you need a visual of the passive irritated rage expressed on my face while I make dinner and my husband dares to document our happy family life with our new camera.This photo was NOT staged.

Now, try to scroll past that unpleasant image greeting you for today's post. Let us speak of agreeable, congenial things, for all you happy bunnies out in winterland.

_______ Makes Me Happy

1. The yellow rose that DW gave Ruby 2 weeks ago and is still colorful, though a bit crusty, on our table top in a Perrier bottle that Joe bought because he wanted to drink something that made him feel special and our choices are limited since we don't drink alcohol. Thank you crusty but bright yellow rose. Thank you DW. Thank you Joe for green glass bottles. Thank you Ruby for being you that someone would want to give you a yellow rose.

2. SFLB (Short in the Front, Long in the Back); Business in Front, Party in the Back; Make Mom Happy but Still be Cool; Mullets. Okay, maybe I'm aiming at the wrong thing. Here: my little toddling crawler whose bangs I cut too short and whose curls I can't bear to cut, because he's my baby, dangit! And I'm not going through all that again anytime soon so he better stay baby for a long while. Do you think it would be cruel for me to go wake him up right now (it's 10 pm) just so I could selfishly slobber on his soft cheek and tickle him to hear his laugh? This is the best medicine. A drug, really. I'm totally addicted. It actually makes my mouth water (my eyes, too, in a different sort of way).

3. Double Stuffed Mint Oreos, Black Cherry Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream, Creamy Chicken Soup, and Tortilla Soup. In other words: Joe. Because this is the odd assortment of food he bought at the store on his recent "milk run" in a loving effort to cheer me up. Did I mention that I hate this cold weather? So, for the obvious: It's not the food that cheers me, but a husband who is so devoted and kindhearted. And funny. He even makes me laugh when I'm determined not to. (Like after he took that sneaky photo of me unawares and pissed off.)

This is my favorite toy in the way it promotes playing together and results in gleeful laughter. Music to my ears.

My turn to post

To all our amazing and fabulous readers I would like to apologize. Today was my turn to post on Bossy! and I totally blew it.

Why would I do this?, you might ask. Well, I have no good reason at all. On Monday, I thought, "Oh, I need to do my post for Bossy! tomorrow", and I started to gather some thoughts about what to post. But perhaps Emily's Neti Pot post just pushed it all out of my mind. I don't know. Everytime I've blown my nose though, since Em's post (which is frequent as I'm getting over a cold), I think "I wish I could try a Neti Pot." This morning, that was one of the first thoughts to go through my mind after, "Why can't my 15 year old use an alarm clock? What is wrong with him? What is wrong with me that I continue to support this self-indulgent behavior?" Then my mind went straight from there to "I wish I had a Neti Pot". I don't know, it's hard to beat a post that has a woman pouring liquid into one nostril and watching it pour out of the other. Thanks Em!

Anyway, I just have one little thing to blog about today... that is time. I have a lot of time on my hands now, as I was just laid off of my job (which stinks!). And guess how I am filling my time? Yup...T.V. All the new seasons have begun. I am DVRing, among other shows, The Biggest Loser (Holy Smokes!), True Beauty (my guilty show - but my kids don't know it or see it), Psych (my favorite), American Idol (I'll decide after a few episodes if I want to continue), Ugly Betty, 30 Rock, The Office, and Superstars of Dance. Good-Grief! Like I'll ever have enough time to watch all of that.

I need to get focused. Can I justify all this TV if I do jumping jacks during all the commercials? Probably not because I fast forward through them. Maybe if I do jumping jacks during the opening theme song portion of the show?


What are your T.V. shows? Do you DVR or just watch? Do you have "guilty" shows that you watch? If so...dish!

Productivity and an Educational Time Waster

I was very productive today. I worked on building my home based business (Scentsy) for several hours, I drove my teenage son and his friend to school, I did 3 1/2 hours of home-schooling with my 12 year old and drove him to and from band. I actually made both breakfast and lunch for my boys (but not dinner - they were on their own for that), I read for an hour in a book I've been trying to find time to read, I downloaded my Christmas pictures, and I did some housecleaning.

But this is what I did tonight as I was trying to wind down and get ready for bed...

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/states_experiment_drag-drop_Intermed_State15s_500.html

I apparently don't know anything about where the states belong in the mid-west, because I totally messed all those up. But, I did pretty good on the west coast, southwest, south and east coast.

I got a score of 80%, in 302 seconds, and average miss of 55 miles.

How good are you at Geography?

What was the sleeper hit?

MERRY CHRISTMAS! Hope it was flawless.

So, how are you handling the Christmas let-down?

What was the "sleeper hit" gift at your house? This is the gift that didn't seem like a big deal, but was surprisingly well received.

What is Wrong With Me?!

by Sally

This is how my evenings go.

I get the kids to bed as early as possible, usually by 7:30 they are all down and out. When the house is quiet, I realize how exhausted I am from just doing my day. Then I walk into the kitchen and look around at the mess with despair (and a little self-pity), and decide to do some cleaning. Then, because I need to relax, I decide to either watch TV or surf the web. And suddenly it is 11 PM. That is when I think: What is wrong with me?! Why am I still up? Why have I been staying up late wasting time with nothing to show for it? You know. You do it too.

When my husband is home, he doesn't help. Those evenings our conversations go like this:

Me: I am so tired. I have to go to bed.

Him: I know, me too. I am exhausted. I'm so tired. We should go to bed.

Me: Yeah. I'm going to bed in about 2 minutes.

Him: No, let's just go to bed now. But first let's watch The Office and 30 Rock.

As I climb into bed, every single night, near or after midnight, I have the same conversation with myself:

Self. This is ridiculous. Tomorrow we are going to bed at 9:30.

Why do I do this? Why? Why don't I finish with the kitchen/dishes, then go upstairs and read Newsweek until I'm tired, and go to bed well before midnight, like a sane person?

Why don't I do something productive, like write in my journal, read a great book, or make photo albums for my family, instead of flipping through Tivo or reading blogs of people I will never meet? (no offense, strangers, but you know what I mean.)

It's not like I'm 10 years old, hating bedtime. For heaven's sake, when I put my kids to bed at 7:00 I am totally jealous. Ooooh I wish I could go to bed right now! Newsflash, me: I could go to bed right now. I really could. The dishes can wait. Tivo doesn't need me. The blogs and everything else on the internet will go on without me.

I'm not a napper. I just can't/don't, it doesn't work for me. So I am walking around in a state of constant sleep deprivation, like every other mom I know, and I am tired of it. So why do I want to turn on the TV right now and veg out for an hour?

This should be me. At 9:30.

4 Ingredient Comfort Food

By Emily

Did you know that Homemade Macaroni and Cheese is really easy, and higher on the yum factor* than Mac-n-Cheez in a box? FOUR INGREDIENTS! That is all.

I didn't really know this until a few years ago when I started to pay attention to recipes my mom and Joe's mom made. This came up again in conversation with Lauren--hence this post. Thanks Lauren.

Anyway, here is a simple recipe from Joe's family cookbook, perfect for those days when you need a homemade meal, but can't muster up the energy.

For me, this was today. I have just gotten over a bout of food poisoning (or intestinal flu--who knows) and am trying to ease back into normal food. Still passing on the citrus fruits, but past the BRAT** diet. This fit the bill.

Maybe calling it Macaroni and Cheese will confuse your children when it comes out of the oven nothing like the box variety--you might want to make up your own name*** for it.

Also, this recipe is hard to mess up****. You can play around with the cheeses, the kind of pasta, the measurements, it will still turn out delicious. Today I used Rotini, since we had no Macaroni. But Ruby said, "Oh no, mommy, I don't want it that Spanish word. I want it Macaroni and Cheese," so I guess calling it "Rotini-and-Cheese" was a no go.

I'll include some variations below. With this recipe, you can follow the rule of 2, or 3, or 4, depending on how much you need to make. You'll see, check it out:

Homemade Macaroni and Cheese

Makes: 4 large servings

Bake: 350*

Time: 20-40 min (depending on how hot and crispy you want your topping)

3 C macaroni, cooked (let's not count this as an ingredient, so then we can call it a 4 ingredient recipe, okay?)

3 T butter

3 T flour

1 1/2 C milk
3 C shredded cheese (set some aside for topping--however much you want, it'll turn out delicious)

1. Boil pasta until done. Drain. Set aside. (I did this at lunch time while I was in the kitchen anyway)

2. In a sauce pan, melt butter, add flour and stir continuously, add milk still stirring (like other white sauces). Add cheese and stir until well blended and melted.
3. Toss sauce over pasta, put in a buttered baking dish and top with remaining cheese.
4. Bake at 350* for 20-40 minutes

________________________

Variations:

• Mix up the cheeses! I ran out of cheddar, so I used part Parmesan--gourmet!
  
• Top with bread crumbs instead of cheese (toss the bread crumbs with melted butter first, then top)
• Top with sliced tomatoes for added color and nutrients
• Add salt and pepper to sauce for flavor
• Toss in a dash of mustard (the dry spice kind) with your sauce making to add a little zing
• Make it spicy with peppers
  

*My original thoughts on Homemade Macaroni and Cheese were, "Why would you bother, that is a box food," but that was before I learned how easy it was. I would bet that, aside from the baking time, the actual prep time is the same as a box of mac-n-cheez.

**BRAT diet: Banana, Rice, Applesauce, Toast (this is for upset stomach, stomach flu, etc. mild foods that won't aggravate your tummy--especially kids. Sometimes I'll top the toast with applesauce--not too appealing, but when you can't keep much else down, and you're supposed to avoid greasy food among others [butter on your toast] it can be a small comfort)

***Other names: Pasta Bechamel, Cheesy Pasta Bake, Creamy Cheesy Pasta, Mario and Luigi's Favorite, etc. Why make up other names for it? If you say to the kids, 'HEY! We're having Macaroni and Cheese tonight!" What do you think they'll expect? I think appropriate expectations help foods succeed at the dinner table with kids. So prepare them, have them help you make it (Ruby "greased" the baking dish with a stick of butter, and sampled the cheese), then they'll know what to expect--and maybe don't call it Macaroni and Cheese if they're used to the box kind.

****How much can you fudge the recipe? If you only have 2 C of cheese instead of 3, it'll still be fine. If you want to add more pasta and less sauce, still delicious. It is pretty hard to mess this up.

Advice, Please: THE BOOB TUBE

by Emily

Calling advice and opinions from all women (do you think having "Boob" in my title will get us more google hits?):

I've read all the articles, I know all the reasons not to let children watch copious amounts of television. Second to not watching too much television, it is important to be selective in what you do choose to watch.

So I don't want to know why television isn't good, I don't need a lecture on that, I don't need links to articles and studies--I've read them. I get it. I agree. Some mothers might need that lecture--I have a feeling everyone who reads this blog DOES NOT need that lecture.

Freaky Teletubies Baby McSunHead

We totally watch television at our house. Each week we go to the library and check out books and 2 videos. Things like The Wiggles, Reading Rainbow, Barney, Dora, Backyardigans, and Beatrix Potter. Ruby LOVES to watch them.

We own: Baby Einstein, Elmo's World, Little Einsteins, HBO's Classical Baby Music and Dance, Beatrix Potter, Max and Ruby...and, (gasp!) I wish we owned more!

(Confessional Part II:) I let Ruby watch these videos almost every day--some days twice. That can be anywhere from 60 minutes to 120 minutes of television watching (sometimes more, but I'm in denial). I do try to not let this happen all in a row. And usually Joey is napping during much of this time.

Oh, we'll keep playing them, believe me, we'll keep playing them.

Here's the thing--Joe is a full time PhD student, and I am also taking a very intensive graduate English class. I rely on the videos to give me some time to get my homework done. It is uninterrupted time--so that I can maintain a steady stream of thought and concentration. (Can anyone say mush for brains?)

But even having said that--we have always relied on videos. When you have a new baby, you can strap that baby securely in a swing or highchair or exersaucer, pop in a video, and catch up on some zzzz's. Sometimes I'm paranoid and I nap on the couch in the same room. Sometimes I feel more confident and I slip into the room nearby and lay on the bed. It is called COPING. It is called grasping at anything to keep my sanity.



Ruby's early cultivation of love for television

What is your own philosophy on television watching?
How do you work it?

No TV?
Tivo?
Time limits?
TV in your child's bedroom?
Lighten up?
Tight controls?
Guilt attacks?
Anxiety over irreversible damage?

I want to hear some opinions, dang it! State your case and don't apologize for it!