Good Enough

by Emily

This fall I started school again full time, working on my Master's degree in Literature. I'm doing it for the money.

(read: sarcasm)

There is a lot to talk about here--a lot about the change of pace, and the weird feeling of living a double life. Mostly there is a lot to talk about my constant reflection and reevaluating the situation as it affects our family, most especially our children.

In a "letter" to my sisters on our private forum, I wrote the following:

"So, I'm having one of those weeks, day after day, where I keep thinking "Who am I kidding? I thought I could do this?" It is getting ROUGH.


This time of year is always hectic, and with school now--and all the church activities and services, I have a hard time not feeling a bit...resentful? Like, between Monday and Sunday, I don't have a single "free-day" to catch up on all the stuff that has slipped through the cracks--some of it pretty essential stuff. But then I ask: how I would change it? Would I want to be released from Primary (Primary is Sunday School for children ages 3-11), or quit school, or just never be home and always work super hard up on campus away from all distractions? And I realize I wouldn't change any of those things. I like being in the Primary, school has been really good for me, and most of all, my kids are the most important of all these things to me--and I want to be home with them as much as possible."

I have to get used to doing things so that they are "good enough," and that is new and hard for me.

Joe is doing even more household and parenting things than what he's already used to doing (which is to say, he's always been very active in those areas of our family life). Even so, the floor is often icky, and the clean laundry may not get folded before it is worn and needs washing again, and my 2 & 4 yr olds will keep on running in circles, laughing and whining. My hair might stick up kinda funny, and I'll probably choose the comfortable shoes over the cute ones. But let's be honest--was it much different before I started school? It's not as if I was ever a stellar housekeeper. I do make good food though--when I have time.

So here's my pat on my own back: we keep on making time for family dinner even if it is frozen Bertolli meals (I recommend the ones with shrimp). And if you're lucky you'll still be invited over to our house for that dinner, but the house may be less tidy than before, and the dessert might also come from the freezer (ice cream). And the Sunday School lessons will still be just as every bit delivered from the heart, but the handouts might not have pretty ribbon or glitter glue on them. And the homework gets done, and I'm reading faster everyday.

And still the best part of my day isn't nailing that class presentation or paper, but coming home to my family for our daily dinner, pajama, scripture/prayer, and bed routine. That, and stealing one last glimpse and kiss when my babies are fast asleep.

The replies I got from my Bossy Sisters let me know that 1) they believe in me, 2) they love me, 3) they've been there too (haven't we all?), and 4) they are good listeners.

Here is just a snippet:

"Let the little things go. If that doesn't work, let the mid-size things go. :) "
-Bossy Sister Melissa

"You have taken on a serious challenge and you are rising to meet the demands. You can do this! I think you will always be glad you did it."
-Bossy Sister Sally

"I understand completely. It is really hard but you can do hard things. I love you. Hang in there. You are amazing."
-Bossy Sister Robin


And finally, the one that made me laugh the most:

"Well, you took a pretty big bite. I wouldn't be surprised if you have to chew with your mouth open and a few little crumbs fall out."
-Bossy but Wise (and funny) Robin



Is there anything in your life that you're willing to admit to doing just "good enough"? What secret tricks of the trade can you share with me? (I need them!)

Learn something new...

by Kristen

A couple of years ago I took a class at Boise State University with 3 of my friends. It was a spanish class. We had a blast! Every Tuesday night we'd carpool down to the university and pretend that we had studied during the week and laugh and visit and learn some spanish. Sometimes after class, we would go out for dessert and once we all got together for a study session (yes, we did try to take it seriously).

Our instructor, Maria, was from Spain, and she was darling. She told us we could only speak spanish in the class, so we prefaced all our english with "Tengo un pregunta", which is something like "I have a question", and then we would ask our question in english. We would also say, "¿Cuál es el significado..." to ask what something meant. But my favorite, by far was "¿Cómo se dice...". Which is "How do you say...?"

My dear friend, Teri, would always ask funny questions like, "¿Cómo se dice butt?" or "¿Cómo se dice nasty?" Maria just would laugh at us and answer our questions. I wonder if it bothered her that we didn't take it very seriously. I don't think so. But it did bother our class mates. Some of them were VERY serious about this community ed introduction to spanish class.

Anyway, if you are wondering butt = culo, nasty = sucio.

The following video is a very funny clip about "spanish for your nanny"...





Currently I am taking a Water Safety Instructor class. It is awesome!

All my life I've wanted to be able to swim the Butterfly stroke, and all my life I have caused great anxiety for nearby life-guards and swimmers when I have tried. It is a hard stroke to learn!

But on Monday night - in a 3 hour class, I DID IT! I learned the Butterfly! I am so on cloud nine for this accomplishment. It was just so cool to finally get it. The timing, the breathing, the kicks, the stroke, it all came together. I'm not saying it was pretty, but I did it and the Master's Swim Coach who was teaching me was pleased and said she'd give it a "pass". I will be working on this a lot in days to come. And I know my shoulders will be dying tomorrow...


BUT I DID IT!!!!!


(Later, in some other post I'll tell you about me and Michael Phelps...yeah, I know him. We're tight! That's why I used a picture of him in this post.)




I'm already thinking about what class I'm going to take after the WSI class is over. I want to get back into pottery, so maybe I'll find a community ed pottery class.



Taking a class makes you feel younger, more vibrant. When you learn a new skill, you feel accomplished. And even if you don't learn a lot (as in the case of my spanish classes), if you take the class with some friends, you'll have a blast.

Why, just last night I went to a couponing class. It was so awesome! Thank you Discount Queens! I can't wait to start saving money! When I left I felt smarter, more resourceful, and I had a little spring in my step. Amazing how just one little class can do that for you!

Think about it - you could take:

a dance class

a language class

a finance class

a parenting class

a pole-dancing or belly dancing class

a gardening class

an exercize class

a religion class

a cooking/culinary class

a kayaking class

or pick any subject a the university - psychology, biology, math, education, history, etc.

you could even take a capoeira class (see video below). I have a friend, Cherie, who is very good at capoeira, she teaches it at the YMCA.




What kind of class do you want to take?

To Vax or not to Vax

By Melissa

Last week, I sat in the pediatrician's office, watching my 3 healthy children play with blocks. I was hemming and hawing about which shots, if any, we should get during this "well child" visit.

My first few children were vaccinated on the recommended schedule. Never any real worries, just sadness over the pain. I'd done a lot of reading and concluded it was right for us. Eve came along with a special set of worries and we did her shots a bit different, making sure she had what was most critical and delaying the ones that might cause problems or we deemed least necessary, but she ended up getting everything over time.

FF to Lily. At 20 something months she had a set of shots. Nothing seemed wrong, no obvious fever, but when she woke from her nap she wouldn't stand, at all. She wouldn't bear any weight on her leg. No walking, no crawling, hardly any moving her leg... I was freaked out! (Of course, it was a Friday afternoon. Why do all things questionable happen on Fridays?) Anyway, we kept a close eye on her. 2 weeks later she was back to walking but still limping and our doctor suggested we not finish up that series.

So here I sit, watching my sweet Henry, who at 18 months has only had a handful of shots (and a minor (major to a mother) reaction with the last set) and I concluded-- no shots today. (again!) We'll start to catch up next time... with this baby, the maternal instinct has been loud and clear-- hold off, go slow! My doctor has been understanding, and even supportive. I love her.

When the doctor came in, she looked over his records. I told her my plan: MMR at 2. I can do that. I'm comfortable with that. She then said, in the way a friend talks to a friend, "Melissa, I admitted a child for Mumps this morning. A child who was out, playing with those same blocks in the waiting room. ---And the next county over has an Measels outbreak! Measels Melissa!"

And I looked at my baby. And I panicked. What is worse, worrying about possible side effects to vaccinations given to millions of kids, or worrying about my son getting a serious illness I could have prevented. I started to sweat.

I suppose this post could be about determining the voice of fear vs trusting your instinct or listening to God Given Promptings... It is about figuring out what is right for your baby. It isn't easy.

We got an email this week about Gardasil, and it made me wonder how I'll handle that one when the time comes. Hopefully, I'll have answers and be able to listen for them.

And, for what it is worth, I'm not providing any support either way. On purpose. After doing hours and hours of research, I have yet to find a good, solid, unbiased source pro-vax or anti-vax. I'd love to hear your take on it, and what helped you decide... however, all the discussions, IRL and online have been heated. Let's be civil. :)

The Story of Ferdinand

by Emily
We love The Story of Ferdinand, written in the 1930's by Munro Leaf & illustrated by Robert Lawson. The story is beautiful, the pen and ink illustrations are those of which you fall in love. Ferdinand's eyes, his mother's expressions, his surprise at a bee's sting--Lawson nails every detail, nuanced expression, and landscape.

(If you have been to Ronda, Spain, or Andalucia, you will recognize how accurate these illustrations are!)

This is a book I don't mind reading to my children again and again.

My husband loved the book as a child (a gift from a radical auntie), calling it "Ferdinand Ze Bull!" I didn't read The Story of Ferdinand until I was married to him, in my late-twenties-- his copy all tattered, masking tape on the binding so old it was crusted over, hardened, and torn. The pages completely loose.

We finally bought a replacement copy for our own children--but the original cannot be thrown out. I think we'll frame a few favorite illustrations.

I love the affirmation of the story: that just because you're a powerful, strong, and fierce bull, doesn't mean that you have to fight. More than that, though, I love the message of a mother who loves her child (minor theme). And I love the message of an individual being true to herself despite what others expect of her (in this case a "he", but it crosses gender lines easily enough).

I like to not overthink it too much, in fact, reading about all the politics that have been forced onto this story as an allegory (it lends itself easily to that) sort of turns me off.

Mostly I think it appeals to me because I've never been much of a "traditionally competitive" personality. It's not in my nature to be competitive to the point of it costing those with whom I'm competing. Plus, being a loser just feels awful--and instead of that motivating me to want to be The Winner, it made me not want to compete. Hurt feelings and all that...I'm uncomfortable with winners and losers, I tend towards wanting everyone to be happy and peaceable. So my inner child loves this story, and so does my mothering-self.










Who knew it was such a radical book? Check out rocker Elliot Smith's (RIP) Ferdinand tat on his bicep. ---> If you're going to have a tat, that is a totally cool one.

Also, Fall Out Boy (an alt-rock band) titled an album From Under the Cork Tree, an obvious reference to the book.

The Real Story of Ferdinand (the "real wiki story") can be found here.






(To Robin & my Mom: Ferdinand reminds me a bit of you, as he just loves to sit and smell the flowers)

Bossy Sister Interview: Cousin Kory

The Bossy Girls are lucky to have each other as sisters. But our luck doesn't end there. We also have a wonderful extended family. One of our favorites is our cousin Kory. She is smart, accomplished, beautiful, loyal, funny, clever and has a brain the size of Texas. One of my favorite things about Kory is that she has opinions, well founded and carefully thought out opinions, that she will share without hesitation. Sometimes that can be tedious in a person, but her ability to laugh at herself, even while she critiques a politician, a social movement, or a cultural quirk makes you feel lucky to be around her. I always feel smarter after reading her blog: My Soapbox.

Brent feels so so so lucky to have married Kory.

A few more things that make Kory fun to know:

• She is very good at finding the right glasses for your face.
• She refuses to let her blog be a "mommy" blog (and is quick to tell you that there is nothing wrong with mommy blogs) even though she is consumed by her new baby.
• If you need to fight the power, you want her on your side.
• She is a surf loving California girl who married a gun toting mountain man.
• She was a big time forensic nerd (still kinda that way) in high school.
• She once was mugged while on a mission in South America and all she had to give the muggers was her scriptures (classic missionary story!) so my Grandma sent Kory her personal scriptures. I am still jealous.
• She has a beautiful smile and eyes that sparkle when she is happy.
  

..........................

You were single for almost 30 years (Right?). What advice do you have for those of us who want to set up our single friends? We just want them to be happy. But we are afraid to offend, or we aren’t afraid to offend, but either way we offend. Advise us.

The key to setting up single people is to remember is that they aren't single because they can't get married, they're single because they've chosen not to get married. The most offensive thing you can do to someone that's single is offer to set them up with someone else simply because the other person happens to be single too. Like they're going to jump at the opportunity to date just anybody, because they're that pathetic. If you want to set two friends up tell them why you want to set them up with each other- talk about personality, looks, career and most importantly why you think they'd like each other.

If you want to take it a step further you can do the 'sneaky' set up. Throw a small dinner party inviting a number of single people including the two you'd like to meet- don't pair anyone off just have a nice social gathering and see if they hit it off. I wanted my best friend (Amy) to meet my neighbor (Kyle) so I had a dinner party. I invited my neighbor enticing him to come under the pretense that I was setting him up, but

I told him I was setting him up with Jina. That way when he met Amy there were no expectations, no weirdness and they hit it off. I also had the foresight to NOT invite his roommate that was a total flirt and I knew would monopolize Amy and she wouldn't even get to know Kyle. Now Amy and Kyle have 2 kids.

You and your handsome husband just had a beautiful baby. It’s not like you got married at 20 and had your first kid at 21. You’ve had lots of time to consider and plan for this child. After all that careful preparation what was the thing that most surprised you?

The intense instantaneous love for something you've spent no more than 5 minutes with.

You blog about brainy, smart stuff. You have opinions that require thinking and analysis. Many women complain about losing their ability to focus and think big thoughts once they had a child. But you seem unfazed by this. It is a natural gift or do you work at being brainy?

Ah, I see I've done a good job of deceiving you all. News is my addiction, and my mother taught me at a very young age to question authority, so I rarely hear anything political with out questioning it. Then when I start seeing the flaws in what leaders or society is doing I get angry and I need to vent- hence my blog. Hmm...I don't think I answered your question: yes and yes. Yes it comes naturally but yes it takes a lot of time too.

It seems that many women keep their opinions to themselves. You don’t seem at all afraid to state what you think. Do you think more women should be assertive in their opinions? Why?

There are two kinds of people that share their opinions, those that think they are always right and those that aren't afraid to be wrong. Almost all men fall into one of those two categories. It's women that take disagreements far too personally. Ever noticed how two men can have an argument and then 2 seconds later be friends? It's that same trait that allows them to express their opinions with out fear. Women need to get over taking disagreements personally- and not be afraid to be wrong.

Where can we get information on politics? The media is so mixed up and I don’t really know who to trust. And sometimes I am not sure how I feel about politics. Please tell us what we can do to get informed.

Television: I love Lou Dobbs & Glenn Beck (but I can only watch Glenn for about 15 minutes at a time)

Internet: Drudge report, CNN.com, Foxnews.com.

Radio: NPR.

Magazines: Forbes, Business Week, Time, and the Economist.

I try to get information from both sides of the political table so I can form an opinion. I actually hate Time magazine- but I don't believe in just receiving information from those that agree with me.

With all the studying and analysis we will need to do, to be smart like you, we may not have time to fix dinner. What is your favorite quick fix meal?

Um, I don't cook. We eat a lot of cereal. I can't recall ever making a meal that took longer than 20 minutes to throw together.

Brent, Kory, and their little bundle of joy.

Finally, what if your sweet daughter grows up to be a cheerleading bling girl?

LOL! My roommates which were former cheerleaders, having suffered through much mocking, would be delighted. I'd let her join cheerleading on certain conditions:
1. She'd have to get straight A's in school.
2. She'd have to play a sport.
3. She'd have to learn a musical instrument.
4. She'd have to shoot a deer each year with her dad.

..................................

Kory thanks for the great interview! The Bossy girls love you!

Welcome, President Obama

by Sally

Tomorrow is the Inauguration of the next President of the United States. I am happy that Barack Obama will be our President. I believe that he is intelligent, thoughtful, deliberate, and will surround himself by smart advisors who will challenge and improve his thinking. I know he will reach out to the right and work to bridge the widening gap between conservatives and liberals. I worry about the state of our economy, our involvement in conflict around the world, and the diminishing moral standards of popular culture, but I think President Obama will be a good leader through these challenges.

I plan to use the Inauguration as an opportunity to teach my children more about the Federal government's structure and the demands of the Presidency. We will have a family night tonight with a short lesson about President Obama and his family, and what his job will be. We'll also talk about how we voted (they went to the polls with us) and their efficacy and responsibility as future voters and as citizens of the US. Last, we will talk about MLK day, which is today.

Tomorrow my oldest child will be watching the Inauguration at school, and the rest of us will be watching at home. Here's some information if you are thinking, like me, that this is a great chance to teach your children.

Family night Outline (mostly in question form to keep the kids involved):

• Tomorrow is the Inauguration. What is an Inauguration? What will happen there?
  
  
• Who was our last President? Who is going to be the new President?
  
  
• What do you know about Barack Obama? He is married and has two daughters who are 10 and 7 years old. They will live in the White House in Washington, D.C. Mom and Dad have visited the White House. What do you think it would be like to live there?
  
  
• What does the President do? Would you like to be President someday? Or work in the Government? Mom worked on Capitol Hill when she was in college.
  
  
• How did Barack Obama get to be President?
  
  
• Where did we go when we voted? How old do you have to be to vote? Should everyone vote or is it okay to stay home and not vote? What if people stopped voting? Mom and Dad always vote. Will you vote every time when you grow up?
  
  
• Do you know what holiday is today? Who was MLK and why was he special? What does he have in common with President Obama?
  
  
• We will end with a prayer that the President will turn to God for guidance and will be inspired to make the right decisions as he leads our country.
  
  
• Then, if the kiddos are lucky, we may watch the "Kid's Inaugural: We are the Future" concert, which will be broadcast on the Disney Channel tonight (8:00 Eastern/7:00 Pacific)

The first Capitol Inauguration

Inauguration Day:

• Nickelodeon will be showing short clips during the day of the Inauguration and a youth perspective.
• The Inauguration starts at 11:30 E/8:30 Pacific and will be broadcast on all major networks.
• 2:30 PM/11:30 Pacific is the start of the Parade.
• There are all kinds of galas and balls in the evening. There is a Youth Inaugural Ball which will be on MTV, but I detest MTV so we won't be watching that. The Neighborhood Inaugural Ball will be broadcast on ABC.

Related links:

Today is also a National Day of Service, in honor of MLK. Go here to enter your zip code and get local opportunities to participate.

Pictures and information from the US Senate on the Inauguration process and Inaugurations past.

For older kids: NPR story on the Oath of Office.

Youtube video (1:45) with pictures of the President from his childhood and including his family.

Productivity and an Educational Time Waster

I was very productive today. I worked on building my home based business (Scentsy) for several hours, I drove my teenage son and his friend to school, I did 3 1/2 hours of home-schooling with my 12 year old and drove him to and from band. I actually made both breakfast and lunch for my boys (but not dinner - they were on their own for that), I read for an hour in a book I've been trying to find time to read, I downloaded my Christmas pictures, and I did some housecleaning.

But this is what I did tonight as I was trying to wind down and get ready for bed...

http://www.sheppardsoftware.com/states_experiment_drag-drop_Intermed_State15s_500.html

I apparently don't know anything about where the states belong in the mid-west, because I totally messed all those up. But, I did pretty good on the west coast, southwest, south and east coast.

I got a score of 80%, in 302 seconds, and average miss of 55 miles.

How good are you at Geography?