Pee Pee Face

The other day, Rocio, my wonderful housekeeper, told me that I need to have another baby and then right after the baby is born, for 2 months, put my pee on my face to get rid of my sun spots. She said she did it and it worked. But only right after the baby is born. Actually, I wasn't sure if she meant my pee or the baby's pee (language barrier) but I am pretty sure she meant that I should use my own. Pee. On my face.

She also told me she can get some cream from Mexico for me that will make me look like a bloated monster for 3 days but then after a month my skin will all fall off and then I will have gorgeous new skin. Only $100.

This was unsolicited, by the way. I was minding my own business, it's not like I asked her "what do you think about my skin? Do you think it needs some pee?"

I have heard lots of crazy folk wisdom, especially when I lived in Russia, but this may top them all.

Next time you see someone with flawless skin, remember: they may be a pee pee face.

The Bossy Sisters are Quitting.... April Fools!

by Kristen...April Fools! No, really, by Kristen. For reals.

This year I am excited for one prank that I am inflicting on my teenager. Several months ago I got so tired of him not waking up with his alarm that I googled alarm clocks looking for one that would require him to wake up and turn it off. I found one that not only is supposed to be "super sonic" loud, but also comes with a vibrating disc that you put under the mattress, to jolt the sleeper into consciousness. It arrived and I put it in the game closet, for some reason and promptly forgot about it.

Three days ago I found it while cleaning out the closet and tonight I installed the pad and set the alarm for 2:00 am. I'm going to be waiting and when it goes off, I'm going to scream that we are having an earthquake and video tape the result. I hope I'm not disappointed. I also hope I don't cause a scarring fear of earthquakes for the rest of his life... it's a risk, but I'm willing to take it!

I am also doing the jello prank from Melissa's blog, and the sesame seed joke listed below. I think I will do the toilet paper joke too.

I want to hear how all of your pranks go...and if you haven't decided on any, here are some great last minute ideas:

Last minute ideas for April Fools Day Pranks

Rules for April Fool’s Day Jokes and Pranks

It's a superstition that all April Fool’s Day pranks must occur before 12 noon on April 1st. Jokers must also consider the safety implications of the prank. In truth, the biggest rule of all is that April Fool’s Day joke must be funny and not dangerous. Don’t play a joke on someone that you wouldn’t like to have played on yourself.

Classic Pranks and April Fool’s Day Office Jokes

It’s entertaining to prank a few co-workers with a last-minute April Fool’s Day joke. But it’s also a fine line between what’s funny and what’s inappropriate. The trick is to find the right balance of a fun office prank that does no harm. For example:

1) Get an empty doughnut box and place it in the staff room. Write a note beside the closed box reading "Enjoy!", then write "April Fool's" inside the box.

2) Put masking tape on the underside of a computer mouse, covering the eye on an optical or laser mouse.

3) Put out a bowl of joke candies that are either overly salty or super sour. Or, carefully remove the candies from their individual paper wrappings and replace with crumpled paper, then re-wrap.

4) Glue a coin to the sidewalk outside the office.

5) Use “fool’s errands”—classic pranks that cause someone to look at of check something needlessly—to fool people into checking if their flies are open, if something is in their hair, or if their shoes are untied.

While these April Fool’s Day jokes are fun, try not to embarrass co-workers and certainly don’t quit as an April Fool Day prank—the boss may not find the prank too funny!

April Fool’s Day Jokes and Classic Pranks Around the House

There are plenty of opportunities to play fun, harmless April Fool’s Day pranks on family members.

1) Toast every slice in a loaf of bread and put it back in the plastic bag.

2) Switch the sugar and the salt

3) Reset the clocks in the house

4) Put sesame seeds on a baking sheet then put them under the broiler until they burn. Then add the sesame seeds (that now look like tiny bugs) to cereal, milk, or any other breakfast foods around the house. (I did this... and they look exactly like tiny bugs. I took about 3-4 minutes on broil.)

Your shoe is untied.

by Sally

April Fools' Day is tomorrow! Are you ready?

April Fools jokes should be funny. Not mean. Here are some ideas:

• Change all the clocks in the house by two hours.
• When someone calls your house, instead of answering the phone with "hello?", say "Hello! Is Bob there?"
• Get access to someone's computer and take a snapshot of their entire desktop. You can do this with the 'print screen' key on the keyboard. Minimize all of their desktop icons and use the pic you just took as the NEW desktop background. Their pointer will still work but they won't be able to click on anything. I wish I could do this to my husband. I would LOVE to see his reaction.
• Or, take a screenshot of the desktop screen, turn the picture upside down, and save it as wallpaper.

That's funny.

• Have a pregnant friend take a pregnancy test, show your husband and tell him you are pregnant. (could be considered mean.)
• Men, get a positive pregnancy test from a pregnant woman, and tell your wife that you are a freak of nature and are pregnant. If you do this, you must guest blog it here on Bossy.
• Tell your kids that your city voted for All Year School with no vacations. You could even print up a fake letter "that came in the mail today" to show them.
• I read about a woman whose mother, late at night on March 31, went around to her sleeping children and carried them into each other's rooms so they woke up in the wrong room. I might try this one. My kids would love it.
• Use a post-it note placed underneath a computer mouse - ensure that it covers the ball or the optical sensor on the bottom. When someone goes to use the mouse, it won't work. On the post-it, write "April Fools!"
• Here's a great one for your spouse in the morning.
• And my personal favorite: "Your shoe is untied." I will be using this all day tomorrow. If you are going to be seeing me, wear loafers. You'll fall for it anyway.
  
  

For some entertainment, here's a (very detailed) record of well-known April Fools pranks. It is long but interesting.

Did you know that Costco now only buys milk from blue cows? Yum.

We want to hear about your Foolish plans! And pranks that you have played (or were played on you) in the past. Please share. We are having a huge blog giveaway for best April Fool's prank comment...a $1,000 gift card to Target!











April Fools!


Sorry. That was mean. But we do hope you have a fun April Fools Day and we would love to hear about your April Fools plans and ideas.

I dare ya.

Teach Your Children to Play by Themselves

by Emily

(Happy St. Patrick's Day! click here!)

When Sally had her first baby, we were lucky enough to live within an hour drive of each other. Because I was fairly newlywed and we were childless, I paid keen attention to this transition in Sally's life.

Which easily takes me on a tangent: being the youngest of 5 is awesome because you really do get so much out of watching your siblings go before you. In my case, I had the best examples. I have especially been watching Sally my whole life, as we are closest in age, and this "watching" has been done both inadvertently and intentionally.

Back to the point: I babysat my sweet nephew every chance I could get. I loved it. This was nothing new, I've been an aunt since I was 9, and I can remember each and every one of my nieces' and nephews' births and the magnitude of the occasion, how I felt my life touched and affected by each one individually.


But this was different, because all of a sudden, this time, it could be me.


Fast forward years later, and it is me.


So here is an important lesson I learned from Sally: Teach your children to play by themselves.

Oh, yes! It can be done! How, you ask? Prove it, you say in disbelief. I have a few short suggestions, and they may not jive with your parenting style, but it has worked for me, and I'm pretty sure it's worked for Sally.

1) Get DVR. Teach your child how to use the remote control.

2) Make snacks (fruit gummies, goldfish crackers, juice boxes) readily available, within your child's reach--you know, so they can help themselves.

3) Invest in a large library of VHS video tapes (because they're less easily ruined than DVDs) and teach your child how to use the VHS player.

4) Put all toys, markers, crayons, playdoh, etc. within arms reach for your child and let them have free reign.

5) Make sure your bathroom door has a lock on it, or maybe your bedroom door. This is so you can lock yourself in, and your children out, when the chaos hits the fan. You might consider some emergency rations in this room (chocolate, Dr. Pepper, a cordless phone, and some magazines...maybe a laptop with wireless internet).



HA! JUST KIDDING!


You didn't think I was serious, did you? Sally, did you really think I was going to soil your name on the World Wide Web like this? ;-)

No, the truth is, and we learn this again and again: an ounce of prevention is worth a stitch in time. No, wait. A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure? Hold on...that's not quite right...

Aphorisms are repeated again and again because of one thing: they teach a simple truth that we tend to need to learn over and over.


An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

A little effort upfront will save you a lot of effort and frustration down the road--and isn't this true to just about everything in life, including all aspects of parenting?

One of the first things I did (and I got this wisdom from Sally, not that garbage above), is that when my sweet little newborn awakens in the morning, or after a nap, and said baby is happily playing or cooing in the crib...as much as I may want to go in and scoop babyliciousness up in my arms, I let that baby play. He is happy. Alone. By himself. Playing. Entertaining himself. Not demanding anything.

THIS IS A SKILL that must be learned. Start early.

Another tip: ROUTINES (I totally struggle with this).

I wish my "routine" were a little more routine, like this:

Wake up (get myself dressed and fed, before kids wake up)
Kids dressed
Breakfast

Alone play time (sometimes I put on some child-friendly music to help, sometimes I deliberately get the kids "set-up" with an activity and then leave them alone to continue)

Snack
Walk? Library? Playgroup? (usually just more playtime)

Lunch
Naps

Wake-up snack
My oldest child has been doing "Preschool Pages" (from a workbook) after "nap" time, I direct her to get her started, then she does it ALONE

Playtime (by this point in the day I need to stop what I'm doing and spend some good playtime with my kids--reading books, or playing on the floor, going outside)

(maybe a nice, single video while I get dinner ready)

Dinner
PJs
Family Scripture Study
Family Prayer
Book
BEDTIME @ 7:00pm!

Celebration because kids are in bed!
Do something enjoyable
Go to bed early

(This is what I strive for, not what I actually do...)
I'm also a strong believer in organization of toys. If you have known me from my childhood, this will make you laugh because I always had the messiest room (please, let's not hog up the comments section with "hilarious" anecdotes of how messy my room was, okay? That's just so... unoriginal...;-))

Though I believe in ORGANIZATION, I don't really know how to do it. So don't ask me how.

Messy toys DO NOT GET PLAYED WITH. Which then results in bored children, which then results in parents being constantly nagged by kids who can't seem to play by themselves.

Finally, one last tip. I just refuse to let my life be dictated by a 3 year old. Ha! How rediculous of a statement is that? Let's be honest, who is in control here, me or she? I'm laughing because the truth is, I love her, and I pay sincere attention to her needs. It is "She" who must be obeyed. So let's have a sense of humor about this. Sometimes though, if she is bored, that is just her problem, and she needs the opportunity to figure it out.

How I respond to these repeated pleas of attention due to boredom differs day to day. Sometimes I just ignore her--I'll tell her, "I'm sorry, but you have to decide by yourself what to do right now. Right now it is Mommy's turn to do some work alone, and it is (child's name here)'s turn to play or work by yourself. You're in charge of finding something to do," and then I turn my back (turn on my mommy-sonar listening ears) and pretend to not notice her display of displeasure.

Sometimes I give in, and all it takes is 10 minutes of undivided attention and love to fill her emotional bucket, and then she's good, and I'm good, and it turned out to be the best 10 minutes of my day (her day too).

And then sometimes...I put a video in, and turn off the guilt switch.

We have to be kind to our kids, we have to try to teach them (give them the opportunity to learn this skill, even if you feel like your being a mean mommy by doing it) to play by themselves. But do it deliberately. And don't be so hard on yourself. And try to laugh. And...and...and...

I feel like these things have really helped. I am always looking for new tricks of the trade, so PLEASE share any wisdom and suggestions--or maybe just humor--we can all use a good laugh ;-)

PARTY TIME: Games and Grub

by Sally

It's time to have some fun!

Last week I hosted a game night. I called it "Games and Grub". We ate delicious food. We chatted while we waited for more friends to arrive. We played Taboo (remember that game?) which was very entertaining and a perfect game to play in a large group. During the game we laughed and yelled and had a good time. After we played Taboo, we talked and talked. And we ate more delicious food. Best of all, my friends and I got some girl time and as always, our friendships were strengthened.

Chatting and waiting for more to arrive.

It was very easy, and you should do it! Here are some tips:

• Decide the date (we did it on a Thursday) and invite two to three times as many people as you want to attend.


• Ask your guests to bring their favorite snack. I suggested that they bring their favorite thing from Trader Joe's. They were happy to share their favorites and it was great to try all these new foods!


• Tidy up your house. It does not have to be perfect.


• Provide drinks, cups and plates, and one snack. The rest will arrive with your guests!


• Have some games ready in advance. I failed on this part! I just assumed that I had complete, functioning games in my game cupboard. Apparently I forgot, temporarily, that I have curious children. Get your games out and make sure they have all the right parts and the batteries are working.


• Games that are good for a group of any size: Taboo, Scattergories, Catch Phrase, Pictionary, Mad Gab, what else?


• Music. I put the ipod on Jack Johnson, always reliable background party music.

It was low-stress for me and I am so glad I did it. Everyone who came had fun. I think am going to do it again next month!

The Numbing

by Emily

Exhibit A: The Numbing

Dilbert

Joe clipped this cartoon from the local paper's funnies over 5 years ago. It still comes to mind at random times in life. Recently I thought of it in humorous terms as a SAHM. I think it translates pretty well, don't you?


Exhibit B: The Smothering

The Sword in the Stone

"Um, Merlin? How will we get by?" and then to the girl squirrel, "Go on! Go on! You've got lots of room!"

Those squirrels are so darn cute! This cartoon makes me laugh out loud. I love the choreography of the tails, the absolute certainty of the girl squirrel--absolutely certain that the boy squirrel is just as in love with her and she is with him.

It reminds me of my children and captures so well how I often feel. They're SO cute, and sometimes I think I'm about to go CRAZY CAKES on them if they do not "go on! go on!" or "leave me alone" or "go away" or realize that there is "lots of room" for all of us. Just like the Wart (future King Arthur) is trying to figure out how to "get by" the squirrel, I sometimes feel like I spend my entire day trying to "get by" my kids--there is so much to do! It is all so important (you know) like dishes, laundry, meal prep, and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning!

There is a story my Bossy sister Robin tells that I love. It goes something like this: while watching old family videos and nearly weeping at the cuteness and littleness of her children, she hears a horrible, horrible thing in the background. Here are these adorable squeaky voices of Hannah, Gabe, and Noah in all their smallness and sweetness. And there it is again--the horrible thing in the background. It is mom. Mom's exasperated, annoyed, I'm-about-to-go-CRAZY-CAKES-on-you-all-if-you-don't-knock-it-off-right-now voice.

Only, in Robin's telling of the story it is much funnier, and she'll say something about how surely that wasn't her in the background behind the scenes! That must have been some other wicked-step-mother. She felt nothing but love and never-ending-patience for her children. All the time. Every minute. Every day.

Exhibit C: The Moment

I know that the dishes and the laundry and cleaning, cleaning, cleaning can wait. I know that. But I don't always feel that. Bossy sister Melissa has a quote on her blog that I love, that I will steal and share (I think I need to laminate it and tape it to my forehead):

“The biggest mistake I made [as a parent] is the one that most of us make. . . . I did not live in the moment enough. This is particularly clear now that the moment is gone, captured only in photographs. There is one picture of [my three children] sitting in the grass on a quilt in the shadow of the swing set on a summer day, ages six, four, and one. And I wish I could remember what we ate, and what we talked about, and how they sounded, and how they looked when they slept that night. I wish I had not been in such a hurry to get on to the next thing: dinner, bath, book, bed. I wish I had treasured the doing a little more and the getting it done a little less” Anna Quindlen

So here's to the Numbing, the Smothering, and the Moment: Love is a Powerful Thing. At least that's what Merlin says to future King Arthur after their adventure as squirrels. I believe it, and I'll try not to forget it.

Made ya laugh.

I've been trying to come up with a list of things that made me laugh recently and I'm not sure they are funny.

Well, I think they are funny, but they might be the "you had to be there" kind of funny. Like when my sweet mild mannered husband said to the woman at the drive thru (who spoke no English) "Danke Muchacha!!!!!!!!!" in a loud gravelly voice. I spit out my soda. She'd already closed the window, but we laughed till we cried. Then, we said it over and over on our trip and laughed each time.

We laugh when we hear our sleeping little ones snoring.

We laugh when we see our kids being goofy.

We laugh at dumb shows like the office. Oh, Angela and the hairball! ack!

We laugh at silly mis-said words. Lily has been making "clementines" (valentines) for her cousins all week.

We laugh when we do the same dumb mistakes. Will I ever learn to put Jell-O in the fridge without spilling it?

We laughed at the letter of apology my son wrote to his teacher. In respect to him I won't share it, but I promise it made his teacher smile.

We laugh at pictures--captured images that show Personality!

Tell me what has made you laugh lately.