(Happy St. Patrick's Day! click here!)
When Sally had her first baby, we were lucky enough to live within an hour drive of each other. Because I was fairly newlywed and we were childless, I paid keen attention to this transition in Sally's life.
Which easily takes me on a tangent: being the youngest of 5 is awesome because you really do get so much out of watching your siblings go before you. In my case, I had the best examples. I have especially been watching Sally my whole life, as we are closest in age, and this "watching" has been done both inadvertently and intentionally.
Back to the point: I babysat my sweet nephew every chance I could get. I loved it. This was nothing new, I've been an aunt since I was 9, and I can remember each and every one of my nieces' and nephews' births and the magnitude of the occasion, how I felt my life touched and affected by each one individually.
But this was different, because all of a sudden, this time, it could be me.
Fast forward years later, and it is me.
So here is an important lesson I learned from Sally: Teach your children to play by themselves.
Oh, yes! It can be done! How, you ask? Prove it, you say in disbelief. I have a few short suggestions, and they may not jive with your parenting style, but it has worked for me, and I'm pretty sure it's worked for Sally.
1) Get DVR. Teach your child how to use the remote control.
2) Make snacks (fruit gummies, goldfish crackers, juice boxes) readily available, within your child's reach--you know, so they can help themselves.
3) Invest in a large library of VHS video tapes (because they're less easily ruined than DVDs) and teach your child how to use the VHS player.
4) Put all toys, markers, crayons, playdoh, etc. within arms reach for your child and let them have free reign.
5) Make sure your bathroom door has a lock on it, or maybe your bedroom door. This is so you can lock yourself in, and your children out, when the chaos hits the fan. You might consider some emergency rations in this room (chocolate, Dr. Pepper, a cordless phone, and some magazines...maybe a laptop with wireless internet).
HA! JUST KIDDING!
You didn't think I was serious, did you? Sally, did you really think I was going to soil your name on the World Wide Web like this? ;-)
No, the truth is, and we learn this again and again: an ounce of prevention is worth a stitch in time. No, wait. A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure? Hold on...that's not quite right...
Aphorisms are repeated again and again because of one thing: they teach a simple truth that we tend to need to learn over and over.
An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.
A little effort upfront will save you a lot of effort and frustration down the road--and isn't this true to just about everything in life, including all aspects of parenting?
One of the first things I did (and I got this wisdom from Sally, not that garbage above), is that when my sweet little newborn awakens in the morning, or after a nap, and said baby is happily playing or cooing in the crib...as much as I may want to go in and scoop babyliciousness up in my arms, I let that baby play. He is happy. Alone. By himself. Playing. Entertaining himself. Not demanding anything.
THIS IS A SKILL that must be learned. Start early.
Another tip: ROUTINES (I totally struggle with this).
I wish my "routine" were a little more routine, like this:
Wake up (get myself dressed and fed, before kids wake up)
Kids dressed
Breakfast
Alone play time (sometimes I put on some child-friendly music to help, sometimes I deliberately get the kids "set-up" with an activity and then leave them alone to continue)
Snack
Walk? Library? Playgroup? (usually just more playtime)
Lunch
Naps
Wake-up snack
My oldest child has been doing "Preschool Pages" (from a workbook) after "nap" time, I direct her to get her started, then she does it ALONE
Playtime (by this point in the day I need to stop what I'm doing and spend some good playtime with my kids--reading books, or playing on the floor, going outside)
(maybe a nice, single video while I get dinner ready)
Dinner
PJs
Family Scripture Study
Family Prayer
Book
BEDTIME @ 7:00pm!
Celebration because kids are in bed!
Do something enjoyable
Go to bed early
(This is what I strive for, not what I actually do...)
I'm also a strong believer in organization of toys. If you have known me from my childhood, this will make you laugh because I always had the messiest room (please, let's not hog up the comments section with "hilarious" anecdotes of how messy my room was, okay? That's just so... unoriginal...;-))
Though I believe in ORGANIZATION, I don't really know how to do it. So don't ask me how.
Messy toys DO NOT GET PLAYED WITH. Which then results in bored children, which then results in parents being constantly nagged by kids who can't seem to play by themselves.
Finally, one last tip. I just refuse to let my life be dictated by a 3 year old. Ha! How rediculous of a statement is that? Let's be honest, who is in control here, me or she? I'm laughing because the truth is, I love her, and I pay sincere attention to her needs. It is "She" who must be obeyed. So let's have a sense of humor about this. Sometimes though, if she is bored, that is just her problem, and she needs the opportunity to figure it out.
How I respond to these repeated pleas of attention due to boredom differs day to day. Sometimes I just ignore her--I'll tell her, "I'm sorry, but you have to decide by yourself what to do right now. Right now it is Mommy's turn to do some work alone, and it is (child's name here)'s turn to play or work by yourself. You're in charge of finding something to do," and then I turn my back (turn on my mommy-sonar listening ears) and pretend to not notice her display of displeasure.
And then sometimes...I put a video in, and turn off the guilt switch.
We have to be kind to our kids, we have to try to teach them (give them the opportunity to learn this skill, even if you feel like your being a mean mommy by doing it) to play by themselves. But do it deliberately. And don't be so hard on yourself. And try to laugh. And...and...and...
I feel like these things have really helped. I am always looking for new tricks of the trade, so PLEASE share any wisdom and suggestions--or maybe just humor--we can all use a good laugh ;-)
