In Memory of our Dad

by Emily

Today we are celebrating the life of our father, David Wright Austin. He passed away last week on Thanksgiving morning. He used to always joke with me that it was Thanksgiving everyday for him because (due to food allergies) he often ate turkey and sweet potatoes. One of the things I like to remember about my dad was his sense of humor, like that recurring Thanksgiving joke.

We loved our Dad, and we will miss him. Here is a video to honor him, we hope you'll join us for a moment and enjoy the video. You can also read beautiful posts by Kristen, Robin (here and here), and Melissa, on their personal blogs.

A slideshow presentation in memory of my father.



David Wright Austin

May 27, 1938 - November 26, 2009

Trusting Teenagers

You know when your teenager is going on about how you never let them do anything? And you are trying to remind them that just a few days ago they were at their girlfriend's house for a movie party and that this weekend they had 5 friends over for a halo party. And then they say, "Mom, nothing's going to happen, you can trust me on that. Don't you trust me?"


Well, this is my response to that now, "Honey, I trust you so much that I asked you to cut my hair. I handed you scissors and put my golden mane in your steady hands. Of course I trust you!"

Of course, when I did this, one of my teenagers didn't trust himself. He backed away and said, "No way! I'm not cutting your hair. What if I mess up?"

The other teenager? He happily took the scissors and went to town. Here is the happy result:

How much do you trust your teenagers?

by Kristen

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?

Do you get up early, and work like a bee, and post on the blog, Bossy!?

Is that what you do? Neither do we!

All kidding aside, if Hallmark is right, and it is the thought that counts, we are golden here! But, if it is action that matters... well, we are falling short.

As Bossy! sisters, we have been talking about how often to post in the summer time, because the rest of the song is a lot more accurate. We are busy swimming in pools, swinging on swings, drinking lemonades, and watching clouds drift by. And we think that's what you ought to do too.

So take some time off the computer and enjoy summer. We will be blogging, probably once a week, but we are still working out the details, so don't forget us. In the meantime, sing this little song to yourself or with your kids while you enjoy a nice summer day!

"Oh, What Do You Do in the Summertime?" from the Children's Primary Songbook

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?

Do you fish in a stream, or lazily dream on the banks as the clouds go by?

Is that what you do? So do I!

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?

Do you swim in a pool, to keep yourself cool or swing in a tree up high?

Is that what you do? So do I!

Oh, what do you do in the summertime, when all the world is green?

Do you march in parades, or drink lemonades or count all the stars in the sky?

Is that what you do? So do I!

Brushing Up Against Fame

by Kristen

We've all had them, that moment when you see someone famous, you "brush up against fame", you maybe even have a conversation or a real moment with them. Some people know famous people and know them in their "non-famous" sense.

Well, recently I blogged about learning how to do the Butterfly swim stroke - huge accomplishment for me. And I mentioned Michael Phelps, how we are buds. I thought I should make this clear, as some of you may doubt that I actually know him. We are, actually good friends. He's been busy so we've lost touch, but our hearts are still connected in that rare way that super close friends feel - like velcro, kind of, without the bad ripping noise.

Way back in the day, in 2001, before the 8 gold medals at the Olympics, Mike and I were hanging out at the airport together waiting in Boarding Area B for our Southwest flight. We were watching the television posted nearby and the swimming competition going on. It was the National Championships and we were watching an impressive young man as he swam the Butterfly. Whoo-Hoo, he won! We could hear the announcer and cheers on the t.v. He had just set a world record in the 200 meter butterfly. The man traveling with Mike, who I later came to know was his coach, was talking to him animatedly and critiquing the swimmer. Suddenly it dawned on me, "This kid next to me, is that swimmer on t.v." Of course I congratulated him, and we began a long and deep conversation. We talked about our childhoods - mostly his - and how he would watch his sister swim when he was little, then he began swimming and loved it, and by age 15 he was accepted onto the US Nationals Team. He was very humble about it all. But his coach kept joining the conversation and bragging on him. He finally said, "You just wait...you'll see him win golds in the Olympics". How right he was! Finally it was time to board and we regretfully parted company as there were not enough seats for us to sit next to each other, I felt my heart stretch painfully as I saw him wipe a tear from his eye as his coach pushed him on down the narrow plane aisle, as he whispered "good bye" to me. But I've kept tabs on him through the years, and I suspect he has kept tabs on me too. We just had one of those connections, you know?

So what is your "Brush with Fame"?

Exaggerations are not only accepted, but expected. If you can't exaggerate, feel free to "remember big".

Twice and Half

by Kristen

Today's blog is inspired by "The One Minute Writer" blog. Which I always read and think about doing what is suggested: writing for one minute on the suggested topic, but as of yet, I haven't written. I've just answered the questions in my head. I'm a great writer in my head. I wish you could read my brain, you would be impressed.

Unfortunately, the transfer from brain to finger-tips isn't always so eloquent, so bear with me. About a week ago the One Minute Write Prompter asked me to fill in the blanks in a statement, and then expand on them. Here is the sentence, "In my life I'd like twice as much __________, and half as much ____________, as I currently have." Try as I might, I cannot fill in the blanks to my complete satisfaction. I tried "joy/sorrow", but then I thought that both of those have their place and purpose in my life and maybe I wouldn't grow if that were the case. I thought about "sex/stress", but unfortunately twice as much sex would still be zero. Then I tried "money/housework", but then I thought that perhaps I need the housework to provide the opportunity to teach my kids, and I felt guilty about wanting less of it. I tried sticking with the money part and filled the second blank in with "demands on my time", but quickly just flip-flopped that to "time/expenses". That one is sounding good - but kind of selfish. Then I tried "energy/weight", and I must say, I'm sticking with that for now. Yes, In my life I'd like twice as much energy, and half as much weight as I currently have. Because then I could accomplish all that I need to do, which would lead to a better income, greater satisfaction, and a happier family, and I would feel better doing it, and look hot too!

So, let's put you to the one minute writing test - fill in the blanks, and expand on them if you so desire. You can also go to The One Minute Writer and see what other people have written. There are some good responses there.

Learn something new...

by Kristen

A couple of years ago I took a class at Boise State University with 3 of my friends. It was a spanish class. We had a blast! Every Tuesday night we'd carpool down to the university and pretend that we had studied during the week and laugh and visit and learn some spanish. Sometimes after class, we would go out for dessert and once we all got together for a study session (yes, we did try to take it seriously).

Our instructor, Maria, was from Spain, and she was darling. She told us we could only speak spanish in the class, so we prefaced all our english with "Tengo un pregunta", which is something like "I have a question", and then we would ask our question in english. We would also say, "¿Cuál es el significado..." to ask what something meant. But my favorite, by far was "¿Cómo se dice...". Which is "How do you say...?"

My dear friend, Teri, would always ask funny questions like, "¿Cómo se dice butt?" or "¿Cómo se dice nasty?" Maria just would laugh at us and answer our questions. I wonder if it bothered her that we didn't take it very seriously. I don't think so. But it did bother our class mates. Some of them were VERY serious about this community ed introduction to spanish class.

Anyway, if you are wondering butt = culo, nasty = sucio.

The following video is a very funny clip about "spanish for your nanny"...





Currently I am taking a Water Safety Instructor class. It is awesome!

All my life I've wanted to be able to swim the Butterfly stroke, and all my life I have caused great anxiety for nearby life-guards and swimmers when I have tried. It is a hard stroke to learn!

But on Monday night - in a 3 hour class, I DID IT! I learned the Butterfly! I am so on cloud nine for this accomplishment. It was just so cool to finally get it. The timing, the breathing, the kicks, the stroke, it all came together. I'm not saying it was pretty, but I did it and the Master's Swim Coach who was teaching me was pleased and said she'd give it a "pass". I will be working on this a lot in days to come. And I know my shoulders will be dying tomorrow...


BUT I DID IT!!!!!


(Later, in some other post I'll tell you about me and Michael Phelps...yeah, I know him. We're tight! That's why I used a picture of him in this post.)




I'm already thinking about what class I'm going to take after the WSI class is over. I want to get back into pottery, so maybe I'll find a community ed pottery class.



Taking a class makes you feel younger, more vibrant. When you learn a new skill, you feel accomplished. And even if you don't learn a lot (as in the case of my spanish classes), if you take the class with some friends, you'll have a blast.

Why, just last night I went to a couponing class. It was so awesome! Thank you Discount Queens! I can't wait to start saving money! When I left I felt smarter, more resourceful, and I had a little spring in my step. Amazing how just one little class can do that for you!

Think about it - you could take:

a dance class

a language class

a finance class

a parenting class

a pole-dancing or belly dancing class

a gardening class

an exercize class

a religion class

a cooking/culinary class

a kayaking class

or pick any subject a the university - psychology, biology, math, education, history, etc.

you could even take a capoeira class (see video below). I have a friend, Cherie, who is very good at capoeira, she teaches it at the YMCA.




What kind of class do you want to take?

Going, Going...Gone!

by Kristen

Okay everyone are you ready to try something new and fun? How about some "economy shopping"? Thanks to Tiffani at http://paulandtiff.blogspot.com/ for sharing this! (I copied it directly from her blog).

Video Courtesy of KSL.com

What is a nickel Auction? Watch this video to find out.


Here are the rules that they listed on KSL under the video:

Those attending can bring whatever they want to try to sell (items you are going to give to goodwill, grocery items you really aren't going to consume, bottles of lotions or bath essentials, partially used scrapbooking supplies, clothing, books, home décor, etc.)

Since all good gatherings require good food, everyone brings a potluck dish to share.

As you arrive, you sign up for a selling slot.

Participants sell in the order they arrive. Each seller has a 10 minutes time limit. All bids start at five cents and bids need to be dividable by 5 (no 38 cent bids, here!). You can jump the bidding, but the amount must be dividable by five. The bidding can go as high as the bidders are willing to go, no limits. *Some auctions opt to allow the seller to set a starting bid.

For timing purposes, no commentary about the item being sold is allowed (Example: "I bought this three years ago, my daughter loves it," etc.)

Once the item is bid out, toss the item to the winning bidder and someone (working as scribe) writes down the name of the person and the price they committed to.

Then the next item starts, same process!

When that seller is all done, the scribe shouts out the totals for all the winning bidders, they put their money in a bucket of sorts that gets passed around the room (like a collection plate) and it all goes to that seller.

The next seller starts.

So do you wanna give it a try?

Reading the comments about this on KSL was very interesting.

A few questions...

by Kristen



We Bossy sisters have our own little forum just for keeping in touch with each other. We discuss things our Bossy audience may not be interested in, and perhaps might be TMI to share with everyone. A few years ago, one of the Bossy sisters posted these questions to get our feed-back. I was just rereading some of our posts and came across this and thought it would be interesting to get our reader's insights. I have added a few questions as well as the originals.


Please share your thoughts on these issues (or just the ones you want to address):



How do you feel about 2 piece swim suits? Is there an ok age and a not ok age?



What about tank tops or sleeveless dresses?



What about toe rings, anklets, or excessive jewelry?



How old is old enough for ears pierced? (obviously a girl, but you can tell me for a boy too.)



When did you tell your children how babies are born? Did you go into the conception process or just the birth thing?



Is soda ok? Caffeinated?



Rub on tatoos? or is that Rub off tatoos? :)



How old for make-up and shaving legs?



Should you ever interfere with or address your children's music preferences? Why or why not?



How do you address teenage modesty for boys (i.e. 6 inches of underwear showing above the waistline)?



Do you or would you ever read your kid's journal? Why or why not?



Do you cater to picky eaters?



I can't wait to read your comments!

Know My Struggles - Know Me

by Kristen

I remember someone once saying that you don't really know another person until you know what their struggle is. I think there is a lot of truth to that. Well, I won't bother you with all my struggles, not only would you not want to hear them, I don't want to share them all. But I will share one struggle; the one that has probably taught me the most as a parent thus far (of course, I am learning new lessons daily with a 16 year old in the house now).



This is my son, Rocky.

He is an amazing child! He is funny, happy, hard-working, independent, and confident. Now. But he wasn't always. In fact, for most of his younger childhood he was clingy, insecure, and frustratingly moody. I confess that when he was about 3 years old, I couldn't stand him. Literally, I had moments where I truly felt like I hated this child. Pretty strong, huh? Well, that was it, it was a strong and disturbing emotion that was intertwined with a deep, nurturing, and heart-breaking love for this struggling little boy.

He was a child who would stand in line to ride the merry-go-round at the fair for 20 minutes, then cop out at the moment it was time to get on the ride. He was a child who would only wear "lightening" socks from Shopko and they had to "feel" just right. We went almost two years where he wore nothing but blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt (ages 5-6). He was the one who would get ready for school, then just as the bus came around the corner he would get all morose and drag his feet till he missed the bus. In fact, as he got older, he sabotaged all efforts to get him to school, including undressing in the car on the way to school. I remember him saying one day that he wished his school would explode and that he would die and the whole school would just die. He was only in 4th grade.

The winter of 2006 I noticed him washing his hands an extreme amount and his hands were red and bleeding. We had taught him to sing the "ABC" song twice while he lathered his hands, and he was consistently obedient about that.

One morning I just observed his behavior, it went something like this. Woke up, went into bathroom, washed hands ("ABC" thing), went to bathroom, washed hands, got undressed for shower, washed hands, got towel ready on rack, washed hands, took shower, got out and dried off, washed hands, brushed teeth, washed hands, got dressed, washed hands, came downstairs, washed hands, got breakfast cereal, washed hands, ate breakfast, washed hands, etc. You get the drift. I called the school nurse and she referred him to the school counselor. Later that day the counselor called me and said she had visited with him and thought he might be depressed. "WHAT?!" "No", I thought, "he might be compulsive, but not depressed." That night I googled "childhood depression". The page said that if your child displays 3 or more of the 14 characteristics for more than 3 months, they may be depressed. Rocky had 11 symptoms, and had had them for most of his life.

I took him to the doctor. I took him to a child psychologist. We got him on Zoloft. Three months later while at a med check, I told the doctor what an amazingly different child he was! The doctor said, "Let me introduce you to your son." This is who he is, if his brain produced and held on to the correct balance of chemicals for the correct amount of time, this is who my son would be.

Rocky is a joy in my life! I am amazed by him and the things he does now. Bossy sister Robin can attest to the day we went skiing and Rocky got on the chairlift, by himself, and I stood in the lodge and cried. I couldn't believe his growth and independence.

Now our lives are richer, happier. He is confident and outgoing. The winter "blahs" are still very real in our home, but we are better prepared to cope with them.

Here are some of the things we have enjoyed in the past few years:

Lake Powell with friends.

Wake-boarding

Swimming in Florida, with the sharks (no kidding).

Boating and wake-boarding with friends.

Universal studios where Rocky rode "The Mummy" (awesome ride!) and convinced me to ride "The Hulk" with him.

Bridge-jumping at the cabin.

Oh my! That's a long drop!

Riding the ferris wheel at Santa Monica Pier.

What I have learned is this, we must keep our minds open to the amazing potential our children have, even when they struggle and seem to be lost causes. Utilize the resources available to us, love them, and embrace every good moment!

Tax Day

by Kristen

I am one of the many people who use the stupid savings system called government tax withholding. Every year I get a nice big fat refund, and every year my tax preparer explains how I could be enjoying that money all year long and earning interest on it.

So this year, after finding out what a nice big refund we are getting, my husband actually contacted the accounting dept to change the withholdings so we can use our money when we earn it.

What I'm wondering is, how can I keep us from just frittering that away. It's nice to get a big refund, those of you who've done it know how that works. You get a large chunk and you can do something meaningful with it. Would I really save that money and set it aside? Or would it just turn into fast food and gasoline, and the occasional pair of shoes for my rapidly growing boys?

What is your take on that?

The Bossy Sisters are Quitting.... April Fools!

by Kristen...April Fools! No, really, by Kristen. For reals.

This year I am excited for one prank that I am inflicting on my teenager. Several months ago I got so tired of him not waking up with his alarm that I googled alarm clocks looking for one that would require him to wake up and turn it off. I found one that not only is supposed to be "super sonic" loud, but also comes with a vibrating disc that you put under the mattress, to jolt the sleeper into consciousness. It arrived and I put it in the game closet, for some reason and promptly forgot about it.

Three days ago I found it while cleaning out the closet and tonight I installed the pad and set the alarm for 2:00 am. I'm going to be waiting and when it goes off, I'm going to scream that we are having an earthquake and video tape the result. I hope I'm not disappointed. I also hope I don't cause a scarring fear of earthquakes for the rest of his life... it's a risk, but I'm willing to take it!

I am also doing the jello prank from Melissa's blog, and the sesame seed joke listed below. I think I will do the toilet paper joke too.

I want to hear how all of your pranks go...and if you haven't decided on any, here are some great last minute ideas:

Last minute ideas for April Fools Day Pranks

Rules for April Fool’s Day Jokes and Pranks

It's a superstition that all April Fool’s Day pranks must occur before 12 noon on April 1st. Jokers must also consider the safety implications of the prank. In truth, the biggest rule of all is that April Fool’s Day joke must be funny and not dangerous. Don’t play a joke on someone that you wouldn’t like to have played on yourself.

Classic Pranks and April Fool’s Day Office Jokes

It’s entertaining to prank a few co-workers with a last-minute April Fool’s Day joke. But it’s also a fine line between what’s funny and what’s inappropriate. The trick is to find the right balance of a fun office prank that does no harm. For example:

1) Get an empty doughnut box and place it in the staff room. Write a note beside the closed box reading "Enjoy!", then write "April Fool's" inside the box.

2) Put masking tape on the underside of a computer mouse, covering the eye on an optical or laser mouse.

3) Put out a bowl of joke candies that are either overly salty or super sour. Or, carefully remove the candies from their individual paper wrappings and replace with crumpled paper, then re-wrap.

4) Glue a coin to the sidewalk outside the office.

5) Use “fool’s errands”—classic pranks that cause someone to look at of check something needlessly—to fool people into checking if their flies are open, if something is in their hair, or if their shoes are untied.

While these April Fool’s Day jokes are fun, try not to embarrass co-workers and certainly don’t quit as an April Fool Day prank—the boss may not find the prank too funny!

April Fool’s Day Jokes and Classic Pranks Around the House

There are plenty of opportunities to play fun, harmless April Fool’s Day pranks on family members.

1) Toast every slice in a loaf of bread and put it back in the plastic bag.

2) Switch the sugar and the salt

3) Reset the clocks in the house

4) Put sesame seeds on a baking sheet then put them under the broiler until they burn. Then add the sesame seeds (that now look like tiny bugs) to cereal, milk, or any other breakfast foods around the house. (I did this... and they look exactly like tiny bugs. I took about 3-4 minutes on broil.)

How's that working for you?

by Kristen

I used to watch Dr. Phil and I always loved this question to his guests, "How's that working for you?" I like that question because it brings about a very important point... is what we are doing getting the results we want? It goes along with the saying, "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got." So true!

When I was studying special education in college a professor was talking about using different types of discipline in the classroom, and whether they produce the desired effect. I loved the analogy he used. He said that if a child is misbehaving in class and you send them out to the hall, is that going to help eliminate the undesirable behavior? Well, it depends on how reinforcing it is out in the hall. If they can peek in other classrooms, goof off, draw, and visit with passers-by, then it probably will only increase the behavior that put them in the hall in the first place... the hall is more fun than the classroom.

In parenting we have to make these judgement calls all the time. Does putting your child in time-out stop the unpleasant behavior, or just temporarily give you a break? Does grounding your teenager due to low grades cause them to work harder to raise their grades, or does it just make them grouchy and unpleasant to be around, giving them the opportunity to stew in teenage angst (which seems to be rewarding to many teenagers). Does yelling, spanking, or ignoring your children's' arguments make them stop or just increase the intensity? Does buying them candy when they whine for it in the store make them more pleasant to shop with or does it simply teach them to whine louder, longer, and more often when they go shopping with you because they know there is a pay-off? (This applies to bedtime postponement behaviors as well).

Along with these tricky questions comes the whole "picking your battles" concept. I am a firm believer in this. NEVER tell your kid if they don't quit arguing you will cancel the birthday party, unless you REALLY WILL cancel the birthday party. That is a huge thing to follow through with. Instead, take a moment and decide what a realistic consequence is that you will actually follow through with.

Just last week I had to make some difficult decisions. I didn't ground my son (for poor grades), because I wasn't willing to put up with the moodiness, but I did threaten to take away his guitar (which induced a lesser degree of moodiness and a firm motivation to raise his grades), and I told him if he wasn't up in time for the bus, he would have to walk the 4 miles to school, because I would no longer bail him out. And I meant it. And he knew it. He started doing his homework and getting up on time. It comes down to yet another cliche "If you're going to talk the talk... you better be willing to walk the walk." It was a risk...if he didn't raise his grades, I would have to take his best friend away (guitar = best friend), if he didn't get up in time, I had to be willing to let him get a truancy for his 6th tardy because he had to walk to school. I almost didn't threaten that one, because... well, a truancy! But then again, he wasn't learning anything by sleeping in - maybe the truancy would teach him something more important.

What important lessons have you learned in your interactions with others, and yourself for that matter?

Art work by Norman Rockwell and Bill Watterson

Life, Love, Goals, and Things That Matter

by Kristen

The other day I was spending time with two friends of mine, I'll call them Lori and Lucy. Lori is rather slim, and Lucy is more like me, and would like to lose a large amount of weight. I was surprised how often in the short time (30 minutes) that we were together, that Lucy brought up her weight or her looks in a degrading way. We weren't talking about it, but she seemed to pull it into the conversation.

After Lucy left I mentioned to Lori that I wished Lucy wouldn't put herself down so often. Lori agreed with me and we went on talking about hair and other things. We didn't dwell on it, but later I thought about it again. I thought about my perceptions of her. Until that time, I had never really considered her weight at all. She was just a beautiful woman who was a friend. I was aware that she is larger than average, but hadn't spent a single thought on it.

I know other people to whom weight is of supreme importance. They can't have a conversation about food without bringing up weight, they can't describe someone without mentioning weight...and I don't mean like "Oh, she is tall and slim" or "well, she's got brown hair, she's shorter and a little bigger than average." No, I'm referring to the conversation that goes, "Well, she is really big, I mean, she's gained like 60 pounds since high school. She used to be so pretty. You know her brother has a weight problem too. It's so sad." As if that is the only feature of this person with any degree of importance.

Me in high school at about 117 lbs.

As a woman who has struggled with my weight since I thought I was huge and fat in high school weighing a grand total of 117, and eventually came to weigh at least twice that, I can tell you, my weight has almost nothing to do with who I am. It is not important to my success, my relationships, my personality, my morals, my beliefs, and my character. That is not to say it doesn't matter to me. The first sentence of this paragraph states that I have struggled. I have. It is difficult to be large, it is frustrating to try over and over and not find the success in this one arena of my life. I don't care to look at my naked body in a mirror, and I don't love shopping for clothes. I am still trying to lose weight. Every day I think about it, I think about some of the limitations it puts on me. I am aware of how society perceives me. Every day I make some effort, I exercise, I deny myself that cookie, that chocolate, etc. And yet I still am overweight... dare I say it? - Fat. But you know what, in spite of my weight, I really do like myself.

I am intelligent. I am attractive - I have great hair most of the time. I have beautiful eyes and a nice smile. I really like my nose. I have strong legs and a healthy functioning body, could it be healthier? Heck yes, but I still am grateful for it. I have a good sense of humor, and I am honest. I try to be considerate of others and I am a dang good mom! I am a loyal and hardworking employee. I enjoy spending time with my family and my friends. I have lots of varied interests including traveling, books, swimming, and pottery among others.

All this brings me back to Lucy, and the impact that weight has on us.

I remember about 5 years ago, I was at my heaviest weight and a woman who I didn't know very well came up to me at church and said, "You are one of the prettiest women I know. I love your hair and eyes." She has no idea what that meant to me. I can honestly say that I think it had been probably 5 years since anyone other than my husband had given me a compliment on my looks, not my clothes, but my looks.

So here is my bit of bossing for you today:

1) If you know someone who is heavier, get to know them, who are they really? What are their interests? Are they enjoyable to spend time with? They may be, they may not (not all fat people are jolly - and not all skinny women are bitches). But don't define them by their weight.

2) If you are larger yourself: Think about who you are. You are more than your weight, your body, your scale number. Think about what you like about yourself. Ask yourself what makes you a good friend, a good mom, a good sister, a good citizen. Learn to like yourself.

3) When you are out and about: compliment people, all people. Really look at them and find the beauty that God gave them. Find something wonderful to share with them. Tell them about a time they made a positive impact in your life. Or share a treasured memory of them to remind them that they have a place in your heart.

All of the Bossy Sisters, our mom, and Robin's oldest daughter in Mazatlan. Emily and Sally were both pregnant!

4) When you are talking with others: Don't talk about weight; yours, theirs, or anyone else's. Weight doesn't matter and it just makes you a bore to be around. And people question why you can't see past such a surface issue. Talk about life, love, goals, and things that matter.

And last of all...love yourself, regardless of your size!

Keeping Our Kids Safe

by Kristen

Several years ago I woke up at about 6:00 in the morning to a little boy tapping me and saying, "Mom, can I talk to you?" He was eleven at the time and knew better than to wake mom for just a friendly chat, yet that seemed to be what he was doing. I mumbled something about talking later, to which he paused, then said, "I just wanted to talk to you about something I saw on the computer."

The response in my body and mind was something akin to what I'm sure cavemen felt when on a relaxed stroll they turned a corner and came directly face to face with a hissing and ready to spring velociraptor (which if you saw Jurassic Park you know is much more dangerous than a T. Rex). I instantly sat up and said, "sure, sure we can talk now. Just let me get my bathrobe and we'll snuggle on the couch and talk". (or something like that).

As we snuggled, he proceded to tell me how he was playing a game online and he clicked on a advertisment which he thought was for a different game and it took him to a pornographic website. Being pro-active parents, we had already talked about such a possibility with our kids and explained what pornography was. As he went on to tell me what he had seen and how it made him feel both curious and upset. As he dissolved into tears of shame and guilt I put my arms around him and tried to comfort him.

The reason I share this story is because it happens every day. Maybe it's happened to your kids, maybe you know about it, maybe not. We had a filter on the computer, I think at that time we were using Net Nanny or maybe Cyber Sitter. Either way, it didn't prevent my 11 year old from viewing some very disturbing images. I wonder what else it didn't prevent.

When I was a young married woman, I worried that my kids would experiment with drinking, smoking, pot, or even sex. But I never worried that they might become addicted to pornography. I never worried that a pedophile would search them out online. I never worried about their physical safety being jeapordized because of the computer. At that time, the World Wide Web wasn't yet a reality, and when it became so...well, it was this thing, out there, not here, not in my office, my house, my daily life.

But now it is a part of so much of my life. I spend hours a day on the internet; working, recreating, reading, searching, learning, educating my son, and socializing. And my kids could potentially do likewise. And now, I know that those fears about their safety and possible addictions are all too real.

How do we protect our kids?

There are so many steps. It starts with lots of conversations about what is or is not okay to share on the internet. My kids have been told they can't tell their last names, the city they live in, the state they live in, their ages, the name of their schools, their school mascots, their sports team names, the places where their parents work, their address or phone or email, their friends' names or information, or any other possibly identifying information. And they've been told this applies both at our house and anyone else's house.

Along with this is the warning to us, as parents, to be aware what we are putting out there for people to find out about our kids. If you blog about your kids, you may be giving quite a bit of information to people you don't know. Recently we discussed this as siblings and the caution we need to take not only for our own kids, but not to be posting pictures of other people's kids without their permission. Just something to be aware of.

While they were young (under the age of 12) they didn't have access to any thing except educational sites or some games. As we found out, the games were not safe either. So from that point on we made even more rules.

The computer is in a public place. In fact, we have a ridiculous room in our house with surround sound (so to speak) desks and a computer in each corner (one for each family member). This is ridiculous. I know. The only reason for this is because part of my DH's job is testing computers and so he is always bringing them home to test. My computer is the only one we actually own. the others are constantly being replaced and upgraded. I refuse to allow that to happen to mine more than once every 2-3 years.

Also, we have filters on all our computers. There are a lot of good ones out there. Some are free, some cost. Do your research. PC Magazine does a good review of the filters and their strengths and weaknesses as well as neat features such as running it in stealth mode, so the person on the computer doesn't know there is a filter. They just keep getting a "This website is not responding" type message. You can also get web search logs and activity logs sent to your email, or set times the computer is "open" for different users.

We don't use those features. This is the most effective feature we have: My DH and I are the only one's with the computer password, so if the boys want on, we log them on, and only if we are willing to stay in the room with them (and we make them turn around while we type in the password). We also have a screen saver set for 10 minutes and a required password to get back on. If we leave, they have to log off. Yes. I know, what a pain in the butt! It is! It is frustrating and annoying and sometimes seems ridiculous. But it works. And we don't have so many of the worries that other people have. At first there was some moaning and complaining (and not just from the kids), but now, it is just the way it is, and no one argues or whines. It just is.

A big bonus to this is, my kids RARELY waste time on the internet (instead they waste time playing Rocky Band and the very wholesome game of Halo). Ug.

And lastly, we talk about it. We talk about the dangers and the blessings of the internet. We try to instill in them good values and a strong moral ethic. We encourage them to be strong and take a stand against such evils, whether at home or at a friend's house. Because not every home has the same rules. We try to make our home the place where the friends want to hang out, and that helps a lot too.

What have you found that works? What are your experiences? If you haven't begun to protect against these issues, I urge you not to wait till something happens. Start now.

Would you wear it?

by Kristen

The Oscars have come and gone and all that remains is the buzz of fashion critiques. I don't claim to have the best sense of fashion, but I'm pretty sure I wouldn't wear any of the following (even if my body size indicated I could).

Um...hello? Just because no one knows who you are doesn't mean you should dress like this...and the shoes?

I wonder if she gets good reception with that foil dress on?

Oh dear, Cyndi, forget the dress, what happened to your hair?

I used to have a negligee like this, but mine was black, and more modest.

What is with the epaulet on this buttercup yellow dress? The dress might work without it, it is just wierd.

Hmmmm...

Okay, this looks like she is wearing an uncomfortable thick brocade curtain which is ugly to boot. Can she even move in this?

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And lastly... the dress I actually really like and would love to see from the front, and yes, I would wear it in a heartbeat if I fit the dress...

Beautiful. I love the ruching in this dress. It's fabulous!

These is my shoes.

I don't have Uggs or those ugly rubber clogs or birkenstocks. These is my shoes.

These are my tried and true standard black, comfortable shoes. Shown here both with socks and without, as I wear them both ways. These got me through Valentine's Day when I was on my feet all day at the florist shop where I worked. You can see they are old, and should be replaced...but won't be until I find the next perfect pair.

I also have my favorite flip flops... in fact, I have lots of favorite flip flops.

Orange with a flower ...

How about pink with a flower ...

Maybe one of each...

My Chacos. These were actually prescribed for me by my podiatrist when I told him I refused to wear a boot... he thought for a minute and said, "I'm just trying to think of some way to treat this in which you will actually comply". These Chacos were the solution. I love them. (By the way, the foot is fine now).

My Adidas flip flops. I get a new pair (sometimes two) every summer. Always with pink on them.

These are my favorite really out of style shoes. I always got compliments when I wore them. I bought them at a second hand store for $3.00. Yay! By the way, these are NOT comfortable, and my dog kept trying to lick them. Weird.

Ah...my favorite boots. I love these boots. As you can see they are old, I had to take them to a cobbler to have them re-soled because I couldn't bear to part with them. I love these boots. They look fabulous with jeans or a with a long skirt... not so good with my bare leg as you can see.

Then of course, I've got my sexy pink pumps. I love these. I'm very self conscious wearing them though. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE them!

You've heard the saying, "I used to complain because I had no shoes, but then I met a man who had no feet." Well, I'm thinking, I'd still feel bad if I had no shoes. Thank goodness I do, and you've just seen my favorites.