Keeping Our Kids Safe

by Kristen

Several years ago I woke up at about 6:00 in the morning to a little boy tapping me and saying, "Mom, can I talk to you?" He was eleven at the time and knew better than to wake mom for just a friendly chat, yet that seemed to be what he was doing. I mumbled something about talking later, to which he paused, then said, "I just wanted to talk to you about something I saw on the computer."

The response in my body and mind was something akin to what I'm sure cavemen felt when on a relaxed stroll they turned a corner and came directly face to face with a hissing and ready to spring velociraptor (which if you saw Jurassic Park you know is much more dangerous than a T. Rex). I instantly sat up and said, "sure, sure we can talk now. Just let me get my bathrobe and we'll snuggle on the couch and talk". (or something like that).

As we snuggled, he proceded to tell me how he was playing a game online and he clicked on a advertisment which he thought was for a different game and it took him to a pornographic website. Being pro-active parents, we had already talked about such a possibility with our kids and explained what pornography was. As he went on to tell me what he had seen and how it made him feel both curious and upset. As he dissolved into tears of shame and guilt I put my arms around him and tried to comfort him.

The reason I share this story is because it happens every day. Maybe it's happened to your kids, maybe you know about it, maybe not. We had a filter on the computer, I think at that time we were using Net Nanny or maybe Cyber Sitter. Either way, it didn't prevent my 11 year old from viewing some very disturbing images. I wonder what else it didn't prevent.

When I was a young married woman, I worried that my kids would experiment with drinking, smoking, pot, or even sex. But I never worried that they might become addicted to pornography. I never worried that a pedophile would search them out online. I never worried about their physical safety being jeapordized because of the computer. At that time, the World Wide Web wasn't yet a reality, and when it became so...well, it was this thing, out there, not here, not in my office, my house, my daily life.

But now it is a part of so much of my life. I spend hours a day on the internet; working, recreating, reading, searching, learning, educating my son, and socializing. And my kids could potentially do likewise. And now, I know that those fears about their safety and possible addictions are all too real.

How do we protect our kids?

There are so many steps. It starts with lots of conversations about what is or is not okay to share on the internet. My kids have been told they can't tell their last names, the city they live in, the state they live in, their ages, the name of their schools, their school mascots, their sports team names, the places where their parents work, their address or phone or email, their friends' names or information, or any other possibly identifying information. And they've been told this applies both at our house and anyone else's house.

Along with this is the warning to us, as parents, to be aware what we are putting out there for people to find out about our kids. If you blog about your kids, you may be giving quite a bit of information to people you don't know. Recently we discussed this as siblings and the caution we need to take not only for our own kids, but not to be posting pictures of other people's kids without their permission. Just something to be aware of.

While they were young (under the age of 12) they didn't have access to any thing except educational sites or some games. As we found out, the games were not safe either. So from that point on we made even more rules.

The computer is in a public place. In fact, we have a ridiculous room in our house with surround sound (so to speak) desks and a computer in each corner (one for each family member). This is ridiculous. I know. The only reason for this is because part of my DH's job is testing computers and so he is always bringing them home to test. My computer is the only one we actually own. the others are constantly being replaced and upgraded. I refuse to allow that to happen to mine more than once every 2-3 years.

Also, we have filters on all our computers. There are a lot of good ones out there. Some are free, some cost. Do your research. PC Magazine does a good review of the filters and their strengths and weaknesses as well as neat features such as running it in stealth mode, so the person on the computer doesn't know there is a filter. They just keep getting a "This website is not responding" type message. You can also get web search logs and activity logs sent to your email, or set times the computer is "open" for different users.

We don't use those features. This is the most effective feature we have: My DH and I are the only one's with the computer password, so if the boys want on, we log them on, and only if we are willing to stay in the room with them (and we make them turn around while we type in the password). We also have a screen saver set for 10 minutes and a required password to get back on. If we leave, they have to log off. Yes. I know, what a pain in the butt! It is! It is frustrating and annoying and sometimes seems ridiculous. But it works. And we don't have so many of the worries that other people have. At first there was some moaning and complaining (and not just from the kids), but now, it is just the way it is, and no one argues or whines. It just is.

A big bonus to this is, my kids RARELY waste time on the internet (instead they waste time playing Rocky Band and the very wholesome game of Halo). Ug.

And lastly, we talk about it. We talk about the dangers and the blessings of the internet. We try to instill in them good values and a strong moral ethic. We encourage them to be strong and take a stand against such evils, whether at home or at a friend's house. Because not every home has the same rules. We try to make our home the place where the friends want to hang out, and that helps a lot too.

What have you found that works? What are your experiences? If you haven't begun to protect against these issues, I urge you not to wait till something happens. Start now.