BFF

By Robin

Women need women.

All through elementary, middle, and high school I wanted a best friend. Someone I could buy a friendship bracelet for. I had friends, but not a *best* friend. Even in college, I had fun roommates, but still no *best* friend.

Until I met Roland. He was my best friend. But, (you knew there would be a but here, right?) but he wasn't a girl. When I went on and on about a topic I could tell he was trying to keep his eyes from rolling back in his head. I knew I needed a girl friend. Women need women. I think men are fine without men, but women need women.

As newlyweds we had lots of friends. Roland played basketball at Boise State University and everyone wanted to be friends with us. I loved those friends. We did fun and exciting things together. We were young and beautiful. But still, not a *best* friend in the group. I always felt a little unsure of myself and a little lonely, even when we were having fun.

When I was 28 we moved into a new neighborhood, and sure enough those friends faded. And my need for a friend, a *best* friend, grew. I remember going to church in our new ward, looking around and wondering who I could possibly find as a friend. Slowly I made friends. I met wonderful women who I admired and enjoyed. One day I was on a walk with one of those beautiful women, Ann, and I told her how someone had mentioned to me to watch out for the cliques at church. I was bothered by it and didn't want to be perceived as a cliquish girl. Ann stopped dead in the street and said, "Oh, don't listen to that silliness. It's just silly." she waved her hand as if to sweep it off the table and I fell in love with her. I knew she was going to be my *Best* friend. I wanted to hug her right then, I was so relieved, but I didn't want to scare her off. So I acted all cool.

Choosing Ann as a best friend meant that Suzanne would be part of the bundle. I admired Suzanne. She was stunning. And her children were beautiful. And her husband too. She was gracious and kind and well mannered.

Our friendships grew through gardening. I had a new yard and took as many plants as they would give me. They shared all their garden secrets. Ann walked all the time and would stop at my house, interrupting dinner, to tell me what bugs were eating my petunias, show me how to prune my overgrown roses, dead head my perennials and so on. Suzanne would call and invite me to shop for flower pots. The three of us would head off together and laugh more than we shopped. Never did I feel so at home with women who weren't my sisters.

Their kids are older than mine by a few years. So I watched them go through the teenage years (quite gracefully) and weddings and now grandchildren. I copied them. I ran to them for advice. I could complain and worry about my children to them and feel safe. I knew they loved my kids and would always love them.

Suzanne, Me, Ann - BFFs

They helped me through my parent's divorce and then we helped Ann through her divorce. I think it was the divorces that really jelled the friendships, really made us more than friends, like sisters. They were one of the major the reasons I didn't want to move from Boise. I literally thank God for them.

You can't take a friendship like that for granted. I don't.

My parents always told me to be picky about who I hung out with. That advice still rings true. But finding a BFF doesn't always happen naturally. Here is my advice on how to find that Best Friend:

"What To Look For In A Best Friend"

1. Trustworthiness. This means no gossip. Not even about people you don't like. It's easier to confide in someone who is confidential. You are safe.
2. Humor. Someone who can laugh when things go wrong and can laugh at herself, even if she is crying.
   
3. Honesty. She's going to gently tell you that you need a new hair stylist, you need to be nicer to your husband, and give you the advice you really need to hear.
   
4. Kindness. A friend with a generous spirit and compassionate heart can make life easier. I once hosted a wedding lunch in my back yard and Ann and Suzanne came over very early in the morning and cleaned my yard, straightening leaves on the plants and fluffing dirt.
5. Confidence. Its so nice to be with a confident woman who trusts herself to do what is right.

Now you may already have this friend. If you do, treat her like gold. Send her a sweet little note today telling her that you love her. If you don't, don't worry. Wait and watch. When you find this person, be the best friend to her that you can.