This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. (Thanks mom, for emailing this to me!)
Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!
She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.
They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!
He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'.
'And you thought your first date was embarrassing' was Jay Leno's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off. Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.
What was your worst first date?
11 comments:
Well, it wasn't a worst first date, but my worst date was when a guy took me to the county fair and then barfed on me while we were on a ride. Then he wanted to continue the date (rather than take me home).
Awful. He was a very nice guy but I did not marry him!
Mine isn't as bad as that one but...it was my first date. He asked me out and told me his Mom would have to drive us if he didn't get his license earlier in the day. He did, but clearly wasn't comfortable driving. Drove a round about way to the theater so he wouldn't have to drive on the main road and drove up the wrong side of the road. Then oogled the girls in the movie--seriously making noises. When we came out of the theater his car lights were still on. Thankfully the car started. Then we went for pizza and he didn't want to order because he hadn't been there before so would I. I hadn't been there before either, but I did. Then he locked the keys in the truck. He didn't want to ask the pizza place guys for a phone book to call someone to come unlock it (back in the day when they did!). So I got to do that too, but just after I'd gotten the phone number he decided to try one more thing to get in the truck and was successful. Then he wanted to go for icecream. I didn't for some reason. So he took me home and somehow we made it there safely.
I saw that on Jay or somewhere. I laughed hysterically.
I'm thinking of my worst date story.... I'll be back with it when I remember. I have probably blocked it out.
I will laugh every time I hear the phrase "pissed off". Thanks for the big laugh Kristen!
Chiska, That date sounds miserable.
I don't have any terrible first date stories...but I have a horrible first kiss story. I'll save that for another post.
I LOVE that they are married! I was laughing so hard... until it got to the part of how he helped her-that stopped me cold.
Quite the visual.
Thanks for the laugh!
Oh. My. Gosh. How could you not marry him after that? I'll be giggling for days!
On our first date, I tried to Emily but got REJECTED! And then I sat down on the curb and moped.
Kiss Emily. That's how that sentence should read. "kiss"
Sorry Joe, I taught all my daughters to never kiss on the first date. I'm glad you persisted because you're a wonderful husband to such a bossy daughter.
I can't remember any bad first dates. I wish I'd kept a journal. Actually, I did have a couple of diaries with brief entries, but I read them sometime in my mid-twenties and my teen dramas were so embarrassing to myself that I threw them in the trash. I didn't learn to laugh at myself until I had teens of my own. Perhaps I should have kept them for my own daughters to read when they were that age. I wish I had them now.
I went on my first date when I was 14. That was before church leaders set the "no dating until 16" standard. I think my generation scared them into it.
That was a hysterical story. Thabnks for sharing it. I can't think of any real horrifying first date stories of my own; however, now that I'm newly single -- and in midlife -- I am afraid the worst is yet to come!
Please say it ain't so.
KJ
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