by Melissa
A few years back, someone came to visit our family. They generously brought gifts for my children. As the kids opened them, I sat waiting, and waiting, and waiting....thinking, I'm sure I'll here that "magic word"... I don't want to tell them to say thanks! I kept waiting. The silence was deafening. I was certain our guests had concluded we were raising snotty, snooty little thankless children.
From that day on, we've started something new. We practice being awesome receivers.
First we talk about how exciting it is to get a gift, how curious you are and the many ways you try to figure out what is inside...
Next, we talk about the last gift they gave, how fun it was to pick out that Tinkerbell make up set, or the Star Wars Lego set... We talk about how fun it is to give a surprise and how anxious the giver feels to know if the "getter" likes what they chose. We imagine how it would feel to watch their friend open the gift and toss it aside. Yuck! That is awful! Then, we imagine how it would feel to watch the "getter" open the gift and shout "Wow! How did you know I love Tinkerbell! Is this makeup? I love getting glitter all over me! Terrific! Thanks!" Wow, that feels cool huh? This brings up the point that gift giving takes 2, and both people should enjoy the unwrapping/surprise opening part.
Last of all, we practice. We decided the nicest thing to hear was something great about the gift, or what the "getter" liked about it, we focused on finding something positive in everything. So, what is a great response for fun gifts and not so exciting gifts...
- Computer game? "Awesome! This will be fun to learn how to play!"
- Clip on earrings? "Oh Terrific! I've really wanted my ears pierced, these are great!"
- Books? "Wow, you must know how much I like to read!"
- Underwear? "Wow! I can always use new underpants!" (I think one of them once said, "Cool, my bum just keeps growing!") (nice.)
- Socks? "Goodness, I will really use these, Mom never folds the socks!"
- Barbie markers for a 10 year old boy? "Cool, I can share these with my sisters!" :)
You get the idea. Another important thing we talked about, is that sometimes, you don't know what it is! You open it, and everyone is watching you and you are madly trying to figure out what you are holding--- but you have to say something. Starting out with WOW always works for our kids. It buys you time to figure out what is in your hands and think of something positive about it!
- Shampoo? "Great! I wash my hair all the time, I bet this smells yummy!"
Teaching my kids "auto-responses" for gift receiving has relieved a major panic attack waiting to happen as well as relieved the pressure they feel as the "getter" . Plus, they actually do it on their own pretty well now, and they don't have to say lame things like "Wow! Green pants. That will match--- the grass."
10 comments:
I love this. This is going to be our next FHE and I am sure we will be repeating it every so often!
I have always wanted green pants!
Raising polite and grateful children is a must these days.... I ALWAYS receive a thank you card from my grandchildren. Teach your children to be what you want them to be. There is indeed an art to saying "thank you" well.
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
This was a great post...I'm going to try this with my kids - the ideas are wonderful!
Di, your daughter or dil is better at thank you notes than me. Somebody else has to write that post!
I help my children write/draw wonderful cards, then I completely forget to mail them! (We do write them every time though!)
Great post! I need to work on the written thank yous! I'm horrible at them! Sally, thank you for the wonderful Easter treats! Melissa, thank you for the fabulous soft blanket you gave us for Christmas and which Rocky snagged for his own and isn't doing a good job sharing! Robin, thank you for your help last week at the Colorado Women's Expo and for your generous hospitality in your music filled home! Emily, thanks for always calling me when I need a lift - you have the gift of inspiration to lift others! Readers and OLFriends, thank you for reading, commenting, and sharing your lives with us!
I'm so glad I don't have to mail those thank yous now, because that would not happen very soon!
Great post Melissa!
Thanks for such a great postm& the comments above are excellent. I have noticed that children who are spontaneous with their thank yous live in a home where family members frequently say thank you to each other.
It is important for children to hear their Dad say thank you to their mother for the meal, folded laundry, dessert, for being so cheerful all the time, etc.
It is equally important for them to hear Mom saying thanks to their Dad for working hard, buying them such a nice home, for running to the store to get the eggs she forgot, for taking the kids to the park so she could lie down, for being .
And most important, it is important for children to frequently hear their parents say thank you to them, good jorb, etc.
All of you bossy sisters are good at this.
As a mostly absent grandma with 14/16 of her grandkids living in other states, and otherwise never knowing if a gift hit or missed the mark, it means alot to get thank you notes from those precious missed g.c. and their parents. Thank you for the thank yous.
Melissa, I really love this. I've noticed this about your children--and for you readers, if your worried that this might end up sounding insincere, it doesn't.
The thing that I so wonderful about this idea of practicing and role playing and teaching auto-responses, is that once the child starts doing it, they start *feeling* it too.
Sometimes you have to do (or say) something first, before you feel it.
If you get something less exciting as a gift (I liked your shampoo example) but your response is:
"Great! I wash my hair all the time, I bet this smells yummy!"
The child is then actually going to feel that way. I believe the feeling will follow, and then you are not only teaching your children to show gratitude, but your also giving them skills for finding happiness.
I heard some person say something like, "learn to want what you already have, and then you'll really be happy." I loved that idea, and I think the principle of this post is teaching that very thing.
Cool post. I need to bookmark this one. ;-)
That last line was priceless!! Kids can come up with the funniest lines...!! I sometimes wonder where my funniness has gone!! Thanks for the cute tips!!
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