A few years back, I sat listening to a lovely Mother's Day service at church. The songs all heralded the joy and loveliness of motherhood. The speakers all praised their perfect wives, mothers and sisters. It was beautiful.
And I sobbed.
My sweet husband had left early that morning for meetings, with a kiss on my cheek and a tender look that said "sorry!" Then I had spent 2 hours wrestling small children into fluffy dresses, trying to find those matching socks, shoes and hairbows that had been set out Saturday night but walked off before 9 a.m. (does this happen to anyone else?) There had been no time for breakfast in bed, diamonds, or lovely cards. I had been crabby with my children and short tempered.
And so I sobbed. I spent most of church feeling inadequate, unqualified, guilty and annoyed with how Mother's Day was no different from any other "Day of rest" (my eye.)
Then, I snapped out of it. For pete's sake. What was my problem? Pity Parties are so ugly. I decided right then and there that I am the best mom my kids will ever have. I love them heart and soul and I am doing my best. End of story. No more comparisons, no more guilt. I am who I am.
When we got home, I rallied the troops in making a lovely lunch, we invited friends over for dinner so that we could give someone else a break. My kids gave me the cards their Sunday School teachers had helped them make and all was well.
My attitude has greatly changed about Mother's Day. I appreciate my Mothers. I have many and all have blessed and enriched my life. We live away from family, so the actual day of Mother's Day in our house is about me, and I CHOOSE what the day will bring. I'm realistic in my expectations. I don't want diamonds and they aren't coming. Hallmark doesn't dictate how our family enjoys the day.
My idea of showing love is a nice meal. So, I plan good food. I buy what I want and enlist help in putting it together. We enjoy time in the kitchen as a family. I don't expect Dave to read my mind, I tell him what I want and then we are all happy!
This week I took Jane to the store. She insisted on spending all of the money in her bank on a Mother's Day gift for me. The children have all spent countless hours putting together cards, writing a song book for Mothers, drawing pictures... They are so excited. Jane asks me daily how many more days. She says she can't wait to see my reaction to her gift. She also has asked me to help her make muffins for Sunday morning on Saturday, because she knows we always have to rush out the door.... I also heard whisperings about breakfast in bed Saturday (I'll have my favorite bagels in the fridge and granola... They'll be so happy to give me exactly what I would want!)
For me, at this stage, this is what Mother's Day is about. With the help of a sweet husband, I am teaching my children how to show me and their Grandma's and Aunts Love. They are learning how to show someone that you care, how to prepare nice things for them... the best part of Mother's day will be watching the joy my children have found in treating me like their queen.
Please excuse the Valentine collage. This is the only picture of me and my children I have! Job #1 for Sunday morning is a family picture!
10 comments:
So perfect.
My husband and I are speaking this Sunday in church, on Mother's Day...but not really on Mothers. This is the third time we have spoken on Mother's Day, and I almost think it's because I don't have the perfect mom to rave about. She hated Mother's Day and ALWAYS felt inadequate and terrible about her efforts as a mom to 7 kids (later, 10 kids as they adopted my 3 cousins after their mom died tragically.) I never understood her aversion to this holiday when I was younger - and although I enjoy mother's day, and being a mom, and letting my kids treat me like the Queen I know I am :) - I can understand it now. Thanks for this perfect reminder that we CHOOSE our feelings & can take this opportunity to teach our children how to love others. PERFECT! THANK YOU!
I think part of the problem is that we hear ads on the radio/tv talking about how you should get your mom/wife a spa day, diamond, 3 dozen roses, new car, jacuzzi, motorcycle and we start expecting something. Just remind yourself that you WON'T be getting any of that and it is easier. Really. Who ever gave their mom a jacuzzi for mother's day!?
I hope to have fresh strawberries.
Cumorah - I am looking forward to your talk. I am subbing for Gospel Doctrine.
Melissa, that is a lovely picture of you and Lily (?). It should be on my fridge.
Well said, Melissa! I want my attitude about Mother's Day to be that of how lucky I am to have my children and love and feel loved. Like Robin said, forget about "getting" or "having the perfect day" and be determined to laugh and hug and love your kids. That's my attitude I'm going for.
Thanks for such great thoughts. You are an awesome mother.
This is a great post! I love the attitude you have and the reminder that it is our responsibility to choose how we are going to feel about this day.
I also like the suggestions from others that we be realistic in our expectations.
You are a great mom, and I hope your mother's day is amazing!
Look at you surrounded by all that sweetness. Ain't it grand?
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
I can totally relate to this post! Once I realized men don't feel this way on Father's day... made me think long and hard.
So true! Well said. And that picture - amazing!! Did you invert it into a "painting"?
I love that you say the following, "I CHOOSE what the day will bring." Perhaps the biggest problem people have in their lives is a result of the failure to recognize that they choose their feelings, actions, and reactions.
Happy Mother's Day. What a wonderful mother you are to 5 of my grandchildren! I love you.
This was an awesome post. You are such a great mom and I love your approach!
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