We Bossy sisters have our own little forum just for keeping in touch with each other. We discuss things our Bossy audience may not be interested in, and perhaps might be TMI to share with everyone. A few years ago, one of the Bossy sisters posted these questions to get our feed-back. I was just rereading some of our posts and came across this and thought it would be interesting to get our reader's insights. I have added a few questions as well as the originals.
Please share your thoughts on these issues (or just the ones you want to address):
How do you feel about 2 piece swim suits? Is there an ok age and a not ok age?
What about tank tops or sleeveless dresses?
What about toe rings, anklets, or excessive jewelry?
How old is old enough for ears pierced? (obviously a girl, but you can tell me for a boy too.)
When did you tell your children how babies are born? Did you go into the conception process or just the birth thing?
Is soda ok? Caffeinated?
Rub on tatoos? or is that Rub off tatoos? :)
How old for make-up and shaving legs?
Should you ever interfere with or address your children's music preferences? Why or why not?
How do you address teenage modesty for boys (i.e. 6 inches of underwear showing above the waistline)?
Do you or would you ever read your kid's journal? Why or why not?
Do you cater to picky eaters?
I can't wait to read your comments!
14 comments:
As to question one- I got into an argument over this with an LDS guy- I believe in a living prophet that speaks the word of God. I believe that the Strength of Youth pamphlette is inspired of God- so if you beilve A, B, and C- you don't wear bikinis.
:) I can't wait to read these...
Was it me? I question all aspects of my parenting! I wonder, is showing a touch of belly in a tankini on an 8 year old when she reaches up high worse than showing A LOT of hiney all the time as all suits ride up her tushie.... Swimsuit shopping challenges start early and last a liftime. (I haven't bought this years suits for this very reason. I don't want to buy 2 piece, but I also can't stand that cute tushie showing for all the world...)
I'll post my answers all later. I'm so opinionated.
This should be interesting...I'll preface that my kids are all 6 and under and I reserve the right to change my mind as they get older.
2 piece swimsuits: when my daughter was an infant I bought her one - now that she's 4 she's in a one piece or one of those rash guard tees and bottoms.
Tank tops/sleeveless dresses: for church I have my daughter wear a white tee underneath sleeveless dresses...for summerwear I'm ok with sleeveless...no spaghetti straps though.
Toe rings, anklets, excessive jewelry: she's not interested right now, don't think there is anything wrong with them though.
Pierced ears: haven't done hers yet...so nervous. In my mom's house you had to be at least 8.
How babies are born: We watched the cat have babies while I was pregnant the last time...the kids pretty much figured it out after that. As for conception? My 5 year old asked some pointed questions that I didn't know how to answer. We're still working on that. I'd love to hear what you great ladies have to say about this one!
Soda: they have soda when we are out to eat and occasionally for parties. Caffeinated - unfortunately I haven't kicked my diet pepsi habit so they've had sips here and there.
Rub on tatoos: I think they are fine - excecpt they are a pain to remove!
Make-up/ shaved legs: 12?
Music preferences: should you EVER interfere? yes, if it is extreme or offensive. I know that my husband will be liberal with what the kids listen to...he's a big time music person.
Modesty for boys: I let them have their shirts off in the backyard. Other than that it's the same as it is for my daughter.
Reading kids journal: oooo...I'd like to say no. But if it was sitting out I know I'd be very tempted.
Picky eaters: I do not make a seperate meal - but I will them to pick out things like onions, mushrooms, olives, cheese, etc. My kids eat what we eat. Man, I love that!
Ok, this post was totally not about girls swimsuits. BUT, :) If I had $ and we swam more often, I'm loving the suits from here: http://www.landsend.com/ix/girls-clothing/Girls/Swimwear
Well, I don't have anything original to say. It all goes similarly with others' answers. But here it is, and I reserve the right to change my mind too!
1. Start early, then you don't have to change anything later. No bikini's. There are so many cute one-piece suits, no need. Thanks to Target.
2. Same with dresses--undershirts, sweater top. In hot summertime though, I think a modest sleeveless is just fine. No biggie to me. No spaghetti straps--unnecessary. Again, so many cute dresses makes this unnecessary.
3. Jewelry--I don't know yet. For the Strength of Youth pamphlet. I'll be using that a lot for guidance.
4. Pierced ears: maybe 12? She'll be old enough then to mostly take care of them (cleaning, when first pierced) and decide if she wants them or not.
5. Babies being born? Don't know yet. I want to be accurate with the information I give, but I'm not sure what the right *amount* of information will be at certain ages.
6. Soda-pop: not in our house (that is easy, we save money, and it's not around to be an issue). Elsewhere, say at a picnic or celebration is fine, not an issue. Avoid caffeinated though, usually there are other alternatives.
7. Rub on Tatoos? Whatever. They're ugly, but if the kid wants it, why make a big deal? Let them do it themselves, and it probably won't turn out that great, and will lose its appeal.
8. Make-up: 5th grade: lip gloss. 6th grade: clear mascara. 7th grade: tinted lip gloss and light colored mascara. 8th grade: go get a make-over together (plan in advance, let person know you want a natural look for your daughter), buy something harmless to get a gift with purchase.
I think make-up can be a fun, bonding experience for mothers and daughters, instead of being a battle.
Shaving legs: 5th or 6th grade my friends shaved, but I didn't. One friend's mother bought her an electric razor. Those don't work very well, but maybe a good introduction. 7th grade: shaving legs. Infrequently.
9. Modesty for boys...I don't know. Only buy them pants that fit properly and cannot be worn low? Make fun of kids who low-ride it? (I'm sure that is great--sarcastic--parenting, making fun...)
10. Reading journal: sure. I think. Maybe not. Depends on what is going on in their life...if I have reason to be concerned.
11. Don't cater to picky eaters. Not tolerated. No battles either, just matter-of-factly state what must be eaten (within reason) and help make that as pleasant as possible. This does, however, often result with a parent "spoon feeding" a 4 yr old, which is a bit baby-ish, but I've decided this is one area I am willing to give in to, if it means that s/he will do a decent job eating and trying new foods that otherwise would be rejected. I am keeping the long-term goal in sight here. A well-rounded eater who is polite, easy to please, and finds enjoyment in a variety of foods.
1-We weren't allowed to wear them and now none of us struggle now. Most of the people I know that wore them young wear them as adults. I always think it's weird being out on the lake and seeing that much of my cousins or friends bodies with my husband and children around. And then I look at their own sons and well, I just think it's weird and uncomfortable.
2-Definitely not at church. I'm still undecided at home but have yet to buy either for our four year old.
3-I don't have a problem with jewelry
4-We will allow our daughter to get her ears pierced at 9 if she wants them. I had to wait until I was 12.
5-I'll be watching for others answers here. Haven't gotten to that stage with out children.
6-we don't drink soda in our house. if we go out we may all share one, definitely not caffeinated.
7-I don't mind the tattoos
8-depends on the child. My sister did in 5th grade because most girls her age were. Interesting that I was only a year younger but my grade wasn't into that until 8th grade. And frankly I'm still not into it! :) My niece started shaving her legs on her own at 8 because she was getting made fun of by her peers for having so much dark leg hair. It will depend on the child for me.
9-music is a tough one for me because I LOVE music and know my daughter has already heard some she probably shouldn't have. We pay more attention now. I'll just always feel like a hypocrite with this I can see it now!
10-Not sure. I doubt I'll be having boys! :)
11-I'd like to think I wouldn't. I could always trust my mom but if were lieing around, dang.
12-This is my biggest pet peeve with my siblings. All their kids are picky eaters and they cater to it! I do not and will not! NOt even when their kids come to my house and guess what? They eat what we place in front of them without a fight! My kids will/do eat what we eat or they chose not to eat. Our daughter is a great eater and so far we haven't found anything she won't eat. She loves every veggy, raw or cooked which is more then I can say for myself! Kids won't let themselves starve.
Love reading all the answers! Thanks.
Me, me! I have opinions!
No bikinis, ever, for girls at our house. Tankini is a possibility but really, a one-piece is easiest and most modest. However I am a big fan of the new girl's swimsuits that are rashguard shirts and swim shorts. Good sun protection coverage and modest.
Sleeveless dresses are fine, but should be worn with a sweater at church. I wore tank tops a lot as a teen, but I'm not sure I'll pass on the tradition.
A few years ago my boss asked me about something and I said "It just seems immodest" and she laughed and said "Immodest! What a quaint term!". She wasn't being condescending, she was genuinely charmed by that word. I have never forgotten that. "Immodest" should never be quaint. It should be current. It should be discussed in every family. But all you have to do is look at teenagers to know that it isn't.
Don't care about jewelry unless it's in the nose.
I am a diet coke queen, diet Dr Pepper queen, and diet Pepsi queen. Of course I have never let my kids touch the stuff! Major double standard and I will probably have to back off the cola soon. Soda for kids or adults = crappy empty calories.
I will TOTALLY read the journal, the myspace and facebook pages, the texts, and anything else I can get my hands on. I will spy and connive and do whatever is neccessary to be informed about what my kids are doing. And I will try hard to not overreact.
Okay...so these are my answers.
I think boys should always wear one piece swim suits. I like the boardshorts/rash guard combo for girls - and for boys too I guess. I think if your daughter is wearing a two piece, it ought to cover her tummy and cover her butt.
Sleevless dresses - ditto everyone before me. With two sons, I've never had to deal with this as a parent.
I think as long as the jewelry is complimentary and not distracting, it is fine.
Ears pierced? When child is old enough to clean and care for ears and piercings and take care of their earrings. I think piercings should be restricted to ears and belly buttons (just kidding!)...just ears.
I told my kids when they were 8-9. I told them the whole thing, conception, fetus development, birth process (delivery), and why it is so important to wait till you are married and ready to become a parent, with a spouse who is committed so the children have two loving parents. My oldest son thought it was "really neat that God blessed us to be able to have children" and my younger son thought it was "gross!".
Soda? I always tell my kids they have to drink a huge glass of water first, then if they are still thirsty they can have a soda. We have a pool, so for some reason that equates to lots of parties and soda around. I minimize the caffeine but don't freak out about it. No caffeine in the evening. Sodas only a few times a week in the summer, and less during the school year.
Tatoos? Rub on's are great - because they can express themsleves and feel "cool" (this wears off as they get older), and I can stress how lucky they are not to have it permantly.
make-up and shaving? I think it depends on the child and the parent and the purpose. I think it should be more of a discussion, not a "rule".
Children's music preferences? I was hoping to get more comments on this. I deal with this a lot. I comment but don't make any demands or ultimatums. I do point out when I just "can't feel good" listening to this or that. And I try to enjoy the music that is fun and inoffensive.
Boy's teenage modesty? Again, hoping for more comments... I just nag a lot and buy belts. My son has a 26 waist and a 34 length - good luck finding that! I also buy him lots of junk food, hoping he'll pack on some pounds so that his clothes will fit. Funny, but I keep gaining weight?! (JK)
Journal... depends on what is going on. Concerns, and is it left on the kitchen table? I try to respect their privacy but also when I have that strong warning sense that something isn't right, I will snoop if necessary. I always read text messages - and they both know that.
Picky eaters - too bad, so sad! This is what we are eating. So tuck in!
C'mon now, we need more advice from our readers!
Ditto Sally. I'm fine if my girls wear bikinis occasionally, but i won't buy them. Ear pierced 12. Modesty is important here and we talk about it a lot. That said, sometimes they do wear sleeveless (rarely spaghetti, I think it's too lingerie-ish) but to church and school always shirt underneath.
I would wear a bikini if I were hot. I think.
As for reading your kids stuff, they are 100% your property and you are responsible for everything they do, and could go to jail for THEIR choices, thus no (total) privacy until 18. It's for their protection
shaving, don't care. Earrings age 12.
NO tattoos. discourage fake ones but not forbid.
Kristin, I'd LOVE to see your boys in "one piece suits" because that's what you wrote! Trying to picture it, hmmm.
Paige,
I meant swim trunks. They are one piece. What did you think I meant, those old fashioned wrestling style leotards? Yeah... ha ha. Laughing as I type that.
Teach correct principles; express your feelings to your child about these things & establish some rules. But choose your battles carefully & recognize when flexibility is needed.
It's so important to let children have as many choices as possible. My kids made positive choices that were influenced primarily by what was taught at home.
But I raised those children in a different time than any of the mothers who have commented above. I was absolutely vigilant about influential circumstances. But I was also lucky. I do believe it was easier for my generation.
Today's children are bombarded with sex, materialism, and other worldly values before they are even in preschool. My girls wore 2piece suits (not bikinis, which are a totally different swimsuit category) when they were little.
Those suits were about comfort, and they were cute, not sexy. I probably wouldn't let them do that today.
But I would let them have their ears pierced in kindergarten if they begged me to (what's the big deal?), and maybe I'd let them shave their legs (& cut themselves) as early as they wanted to. But not makeup. Emily's suggestions on make up make good sense.
I'd let them wear all gaudy the jewelry they wanted to wear. But they'd have to buy it with their own money or make it themselves.
Yes I'd monitor their music choices. I did then & would do it again. I'm 100% with Paige on journals & property rights.
The EFY pamphlet has the rules. It would be my law. No way would I let my son out the door with his briefs, shorts, or skin below the waistline showing. No pierced anything for my son. And for goodness sake, he'd have to wear a t-shirt under his IRONED white Sunday shirt.
2 piece are way too relvealing and just as bad as wearing your underwear in public. It makes boys who are trying to be good uncomfortable. I don't think they are on at any age.
Tank tops or sleeveless- when they are really young and it is hot. To avoid over heating at times. Not when they get older though. I was allowed to wear them but after having a modesty lesson when I was 12 I gave them all away. Butterfly sleeves included it helps prepare you for the temple.
Excessive jewlery when they are young and playing dress up of course, but when they get older, I will gross that bridge once I come to it.
Ears pierced when they are responsible enough to take care of it themselves and not get infections or have the holes close up
have not had to yet- once they start to ask questions though I would rather tell them than have their friends at school degrade such a sacred act.
we don't drink soda hardly ever since there are so many things that have come out with the health effects of soda. I don't see it being good for you in any way. Also caffine can be habbit forming and harmful so we don't go there either.
I wore rub on tattos and turned out fine :)
I will teach my kids about good and bad music and not let them listen to it in the car with me at least. I will hopefully teach them correct princliples and they govern themselves wisely. But in the event that does not happen. I will not purchase the music for them at least.
Boxers hanging out is just gross and unattractive hopefully I can teach my future boys that too :)
I would read my teenagers journal if I thought there was a definate need to. If I suspected somethign was wrong. But hopefully they will want to tell me themselves
Picky eaters I try to give my daughter choices and offer new foods often. But if she needs to eat like when she is sick of course I will give her whatever she will eat- that is not junk food of course.
My 2 cents:
Only tankinis that cover the belly here.
Maddy will wear tank tops around the house but never out of the house. I don't wear them at all. :)
We're not into excessive jewelry so no problem there.
After Age 8 and they can choose if and when to get ears pierced.
The entire process on their eighth birthday. Although our son that just turned eight may need a little longer before he's ready.
We don't buy soda very often. I don't trust artificial sweeteners and there's too much sugar in the regular sodas. We do water. Boring.
No real and no fake tatoos unless from birthday party or carnival. But I won't pay for them.
Make up in 7th grade and shaving whenever they get too hairy, which in our family is young. :)
If the lyrics are vulgar, then point it out and discuss. Never allowed in the presence of younger siblings. I won't purchase those songs for them.
Haven't had the problem yet. Will read others advice though. :)
Maybe not journal, but texts and emails, yes. If it's going out to others, I think it's our responsibility to help our kids with the impression they are making to others. A journal is just for themselves. But if they are having emotional issues, I might resort to reading the journal.
Unfortunately I do, too much. My kids are skinny and I'm afraid they may just shrivel up and blow away if I don't get them to eat something. Does that make me a bad mom?
I base most of my parenting ideas/rules on the excellent examples I had growing up. It's not bragging to say my parents did an excellent job and I hope to pass on the things I learned from them.
1.We've been counseled to be modest, I don't believe 2 piece suits are ever appropriate and one-piece suits should be chosen carefully, keeping in mind the wise counsel of our leaders.
2. Our children are never too young to start teaching modesty and respect for their bodies.
3. What about toe rings, anklets, or excessive jewelry?
4. 10 or 12, but it really depends on how responsible the child is.
5. I was told when I was about 9 yrs old. I showed my 3 yr old son videos of babies being born when I thought he would be there to watch. I am happy to answer his questions as they come up, fedding him just enough to satisfy the current question. Baby steps....
6. Soda is a very occasional thing at our house as are most other unhealthy things. Caffeine is absolutely considered a "addictive substance" It's not really even a question.
7. We've let the boys put one on like they would a sticker and had to really scrub to get one off before church!
8. Growing up it was 13 for make-up and when needed for shaving.
9. We absolutely should address music preferences. Research backs up that music gets into your brain (and likely your spirit) much more quickly than even spoken or read words. To me that means, the negative ideas/words/feelings can have a much greater effect on your spirit, while the opposite is also true, good music can uplift very quickly. Example is the greatest teacher in this area I think.
10. I'm not sure about this issue with teenage boys, we didn't have any growing up, but I imagine it will be exactly the same issue as for girls. Appropriate dress applies to both sexes. If they are priesthood holders, they should dress like it.
11. No, I don't think so. I would love to have a good enough relationship with my children so I can talk to them openly about whats going on in their lives.
12. No picky eaters here!
It's good to think about answers to these questions before they come up! Thanks!
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