Or, if you don't have a husband, do something nice for someone who plays a major role in your life.
For me, the something nice is sometimes just a cheerful smile and can-do attitude. Sometimes its a house that is quickly picked up and dinner ready to go when he gets home from work, topped off with a cheerful, "Daddy's home! Yay!" (*kissy kissy hug hug squeeze*)
About 4 years ago when I was practicing my new role as a SAHM, I decided that for a week straight I would make a deliberate effort to do 3 things each evening when my husband arrived home from work (school):
1. Have the family room and kitchen picked up (just a quick 10 minute pick-up)
2. Have dinner made, or nearly made, when my husband got home (this was new, prior to this we had both been working hard equally outside the home, so dinner was a coin-toss and usually ended up with each-man-for-himself)
3. When he walked in the door: STOP what I was doing, GIVE him a kiss and a squeeze, LOOK him in the eye, and SAY something heartfelt ("I missed you!" "I'm so glad you're home!" "How has your day been?" "My favorite time of day is when you come home!") and LISTEN to him.
Every misguided feminist part of me resisted doing this--terribly. It was so...so...so Dr. Laura. So subservient-housewifish. I felt like I was too good to be relegated to this kind of servitude.
Luckily for me (and my family) I've learned a lot more about service since that time. What a week of marital bliss! I don't do that every evening anymore, but I am more consistent with dinner, and I understand what a difference those things make. I could go on about how it changed the feeling in our home when I did that experiment, I could go on about the miracle of love and service.
It's a good reminder to myself to recommit to those that I love most in life. I wonder what my next experiment should be? Oh yeah...going to bed at 9pm each night. I'm working on that. It's a good one too.
Have you ever done an experiment like this? What has taken you years to find out about your spouse/roommates/co-workers/parents/etc? I really, truly, sincerely want to know. Please share (you might inspire someone)!
13 comments:
I sooo agree with you. My hubby is the bread winner and I stay home... I was raised in the days of bra burning and feminism and I used to have completely different feelings about the responsibilities of a wife. Now that I'm married for the second time and much older than the bra burning days and stay at home all day, I make him feel like a king when he enters the house. Always tell him how glad I am that he's home, have dinner waiting or 'almost' done and after the meal let him put his feet up and do what he wants to do. He deserves it!
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
(a happy hubby makes for a happy marriage)
I try to make a big deal when Roland comes home. He might not think it is a big deal, but I try to leave what I am doing and greet him.
Also, I have learned that the report of how horrible my day was, and the report of how stinky the kids were can usually wait until after dinner. Walking in the door and having a worked up worn out spouse attack you is no fun.
One more thing, a kiss. I love it when Roland kisses me on the cheek, forehead, neck for no obvious reason, so I try to do that for him. He acts like it's no big deal but I know he loves it.
I'm glad to be able to play such a major "roll" in my your life.
I've always been pretty good at rolling.
With this post as a lead up, I can't wait for tonight! Oh, wait, I won't be home until 10 pm. Ouch.
mush mush mush xoxo :)
Did I spell role/roll rong or sumthin? I'm cunfuzed.
I like this. It doesn't take a lot to make somebody feel important. But what a difference it makes!
Great post! Great reminder. And: AMEN. I am still a feminist but I also believe in the golden rule, and I would surely love for someone to do for me what I'm trying to do for my husband.
It is funny that my goals are the same as yours, mine are: tidy kitchen and fam room, cheerful greeting, and some idea of what is for dinner (if not already made). Wish me luck.
Also, when did R go blonde?! Wow!
If you haven't even thought about dinner and realize tired, hungry hubby will be walking in the door any minute, chop or slice some onion, throw it in fry pan with a little butter, & it will at least smell like dinner is on its way. Fried onions go in practically every main dish or vegetable. It even change instant mac & cheese into something a little special. I keep chopped onion, ready to use, in a baggie in the frig or freezer.
I like what you said about love & service.
Does it count if someone else made the dinner?
I need to work on this. With my nest getting empty by the minute I am more aware that in only one year it will be just the two of us. Sometimes I'm afraid we will have nothing to talk about if we are not discussing kids and schedules. Let the experiment begin, again. In 25 years you can bet I've done this more than a dozen times. I think I will also try to be interested in his races. I find the training and racing so darn boring, but I'm a good actress. I even made him a shadow box to hold all his medals.
Mom, I think you are a great example of this! I am always impressed that you make dinner for Alan (I know it's not a big fancy dinner every day) because it's just the two of you. I think that shows a lot of love.
What if your husband never leaves the house???
Kidding. Kind of.
Mom used to say, even if you don't know what your making, set the table, everyone will at least know you are aware a meal should happen.
I do love these ideas...
I sometimes have to recommit myself to breaking a habit that I know is a little annoying for Link- like being indecisive, or listing every possibility so as to not be "bossy"- and I find that if I make quick decisions he can focus on the decision at hand rather than turn off on the topic because I make it so complicated.
Yes, Erin, but isn't it funny how the very thing that can get on our nerves about our spouse, is often also the same thing that we love about our spouse? Like in your example, the virtue in that is that you are a very deliberate, careful, and thoughtful person--and that translates into being kind, sensitive to others needs, objective, perceptive, and smart.
But I do know what you mean. Sometimes at the end of the day, I'm just so sick of making decisions that I actually *want* Joe to decide for me--I *want* to be Bossed around, which is actually part of the origin of this blog name.
Sometimes when I've been talking to Bossy Sister Sally, she or I will say, "I don't know. I just need someone else to boss me around."
;-)
So what's a wife to do when SHE is the breadwinner?
I work two jobs, and my marriage is falling apart because I have no respect for my husband. He is trying to run a small business, and really SUCKS at it, and has lost money hand-over-fist for the past year and drained our finances completely dry. I am very resentful, but I can see that he really is in over his head, and had no business trying to be a business man in the first place. He feels lower than dirt. I want to do something nice for him, to hopefully give him some confidence to do what he needs to do. (sell the damn business and get a freakin' job). Any suggestions?
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