A few questions...

by Kristen



We Bossy sisters have our own little forum just for keeping in touch with each other. We discuss things our Bossy audience may not be interested in, and perhaps might be TMI to share with everyone. A few years ago, one of the Bossy sisters posted these questions to get our feed-back. I was just rereading some of our posts and came across this and thought it would be interesting to get our reader's insights. I have added a few questions as well as the originals.


Please share your thoughts on these issues (or just the ones you want to address):



How do you feel about 2 piece swim suits? Is there an ok age and a not ok age?



What about tank tops or sleeveless dresses?



What about toe rings, anklets, or excessive jewelry?



How old is old enough for ears pierced? (obviously a girl, but you can tell me for a boy too.)



When did you tell your children how babies are born? Did you go into the conception process or just the birth thing?



Is soda ok? Caffeinated?



Rub on tatoos? or is that Rub off tatoos? :)



How old for make-up and shaving legs?



Should you ever interfere with or address your children's music preferences? Why or why not?



How do you address teenage modesty for boys (i.e. 6 inches of underwear showing above the waistline)?



Do you or would you ever read your kid's journal? Why or why not?



Do you cater to picky eaters?



I can't wait to read your comments!

Say What?

by Emily

Can you relate to this story?



I'm 30 years old, and today--just today--I realized I've had it wrong all these years. Stay with me here. Today I was at Big Lots, and I saw something kind of like this
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And it reminded of me of this story.










When Robin had her first baby (sweet Hannah!) she hung in her nursery a tole painting that said:

"Love Bears All Things"
and I remember there being little teddy bears painted on it.

I thought, "Oh, it is cute because it is baby-ish, and teddy bears are cute." But I also, secretly, thought it was kind of stupid.

Of course, I was seeing the teddy bears, and therefore reading it like this:
Love bears, (notice the assumed comma) All things

I thought a lot about this as a 9 yr old. I wondered, "But does one really love bears? And if one does, is it accurate to assume that the love of All things will then follow?" And then I would conclude, "That's just stupid."

Maybe I need to read this book. Though mildly humorous sounding, I mostly think it would be boring to read now. I don't want to read a large book about comma use.

Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things...

That's not stupid at all. It's beautiful. And today I just figured that out.

Cheap Date Part 2: Poisson et Snowflake Addiction

Last week I shared some fun, free things to do with the family. Today we're headed to the World Wide Web to have some more free fun.

First, for the little kids:

Around here, we love noggin.com. It's entertaining (features all of your little kids' favorite TV characters) and it's safe for your children, educational and free.

A screen capture from poissonrouge. Every single item is clickable and leads to a game.

We also love poissonrouge, which is a great French site (and you don't need to speak French to use it). Poisson Rouge means Red Fish, fyi.

Starfall is a great educational site. Fun games teach letters and reading. They also have printable material and you can order teaching materials from them, too.

Now for the adults. Make-a-flake! Technically, your kids can do this too, but you will love it and get addicted. (You will know you are too into it if you feel annoyed when your children make inferior snowflakes, and you can't wait until it's your turn.) Give it a try. See if you can cut shapes, letters, etc into the snowflake. It's an excellent way to put off housework.

We are always looking for new babysitters educational sites for the kids and better ways to put off housework, so if you know of any, please share.

To Vax or not to Vax

By Melissa

Last week, I sat in the pediatrician's office, watching my 3 healthy children play with blocks. I was hemming and hawing about which shots, if any, we should get during this "well child" visit.

My first few children were vaccinated on the recommended schedule. Never any real worries, just sadness over the pain. I'd done a lot of reading and concluded it was right for us. Eve came along with a special set of worries and we did her shots a bit different, making sure she had what was most critical and delaying the ones that might cause problems or we deemed least necessary, but she ended up getting everything over time.

FF to Lily. At 20 something months she had a set of shots. Nothing seemed wrong, no obvious fever, but when she woke from her nap she wouldn't stand, at all. She wouldn't bear any weight on her leg. No walking, no crawling, hardly any moving her leg... I was freaked out! (Of course, it was a Friday afternoon. Why do all things questionable happen on Fridays?) Anyway, we kept a close eye on her. 2 weeks later she was back to walking but still limping and our doctor suggested we not finish up that series.

So here I sit, watching my sweet Henry, who at 18 months has only had a handful of shots (and a minor (major to a mother) reaction with the last set) and I concluded-- no shots today. (again!) We'll start to catch up next time... with this baby, the maternal instinct has been loud and clear-- hold off, go slow! My doctor has been understanding, and even supportive. I love her.

When the doctor came in, she looked over his records. I told her my plan: MMR at 2. I can do that. I'm comfortable with that. She then said, in the way a friend talks to a friend, "Melissa, I admitted a child for Mumps this morning. A child who was out, playing with those same blocks in the waiting room. ---And the next county over has an Measels outbreak! Measels Melissa!"

And I looked at my baby. And I panicked. What is worse, worrying about possible side effects to vaccinations given to millions of kids, or worrying about my son getting a serious illness I could have prevented. I started to sweat.

I suppose this post could be about determining the voice of fear vs trusting your instinct or listening to God Given Promptings... It is about figuring out what is right for your baby. It isn't easy.

We got an email this week about Gardasil, and it made me wonder how I'll handle that one when the time comes. Hopefully, I'll have answers and be able to listen for them.

And, for what it is worth, I'm not providing any support either way. On purpose. After doing hours and hours of research, I have yet to find a good, solid, unbiased source pro-vax or anti-vax. I'd love to hear your take on it, and what helped you decide... however, all the discussions, IRL and online have been heated. Let's be civil. :)

And the WINNER is....

by Emily

Remember my cool friend Chiska and her awesome give-away?

...drum roll please....

...watch this inspiring YouTube video entitled "CREATE" while we draw a commentator's name out of a Top Hat...




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...and the Winner is...............NICOLE!

Congratulations! Nicole said:
"I am happy to know I am not the only one with projects that are not finished! I have been inspired to dig some of them out and maybe start something new. I love seeing the things really creative people make! It makes me think in a whole new direction."


Nicole, hopefully you'll enjoy the little crafty gift Chiska will be sending your way. Can you make yourself known? Do you know one of the Bossy Sisters? If so, email one of us, so that we can get your address to Chiska for a package of cheer to be sent your way.

Nicole's comment was linked to a great recipe blog called Recipe Box. Check it out!

Thank you to everyone for your comments. Remember, Comments = Chocolate for bloggers

Know My Struggles - Know Me

by Kristen

I remember someone once saying that you don't really know another person until you know what their struggle is. I think there is a lot of truth to that. Well, I won't bother you with all my struggles, not only would you not want to hear them, I don't want to share them all. But I will share one struggle; the one that has probably taught me the most as a parent thus far (of course, I am learning new lessons daily with a 16 year old in the house now).



This is my son, Rocky.

He is an amazing child! He is funny, happy, hard-working, independent, and confident. Now. But he wasn't always. In fact, for most of his younger childhood he was clingy, insecure, and frustratingly moody. I confess that when he was about 3 years old, I couldn't stand him. Literally, I had moments where I truly felt like I hated this child. Pretty strong, huh? Well, that was it, it was a strong and disturbing emotion that was intertwined with a deep, nurturing, and heart-breaking love for this struggling little boy.

He was a child who would stand in line to ride the merry-go-round at the fair for 20 minutes, then cop out at the moment it was time to get on the ride. He was a child who would only wear "lightening" socks from Shopko and they had to "feel" just right. We went almost two years where he wore nothing but blue jeans and a plain white t-shirt (ages 5-6). He was the one who would get ready for school, then just as the bus came around the corner he would get all morose and drag his feet till he missed the bus. In fact, as he got older, he sabotaged all efforts to get him to school, including undressing in the car on the way to school. I remember him saying one day that he wished his school would explode and that he would die and the whole school would just die. He was only in 4th grade.

The winter of 2006 I noticed him washing his hands an extreme amount and his hands were red and bleeding. We had taught him to sing the "ABC" song twice while he lathered his hands, and he was consistently obedient about that.

One morning I just observed his behavior, it went something like this. Woke up, went into bathroom, washed hands ("ABC" thing), went to bathroom, washed hands, got undressed for shower, washed hands, got towel ready on rack, washed hands, took shower, got out and dried off, washed hands, brushed teeth, washed hands, got dressed, washed hands, came downstairs, washed hands, got breakfast cereal, washed hands, ate breakfast, washed hands, etc. You get the drift. I called the school nurse and she referred him to the school counselor. Later that day the counselor called me and said she had visited with him and thought he might be depressed. "WHAT?!" "No", I thought, "he might be compulsive, but not depressed." That night I googled "childhood depression". The page said that if your child displays 3 or more of the 14 characteristics for more than 3 months, they may be depressed. Rocky had 11 symptoms, and had had them for most of his life.

I took him to the doctor. I took him to a child psychologist. We got him on Zoloft. Three months later while at a med check, I told the doctor what an amazingly different child he was! The doctor said, "Let me introduce you to your son." This is who he is, if his brain produced and held on to the correct balance of chemicals for the correct amount of time, this is who my son would be.

Rocky is a joy in my life! I am amazed by him and the things he does now. Bossy sister Robin can attest to the day we went skiing and Rocky got on the chairlift, by himself, and I stood in the lodge and cried. I couldn't believe his growth and independence.

Now our lives are richer, happier. He is confident and outgoing. The winter "blahs" are still very real in our home, but we are better prepared to cope with them.

Here are some of the things we have enjoyed in the past few years:

Lake Powell with friends.

Wake-boarding

Swimming in Florida, with the sharks (no kidding).

Boating and wake-boarding with friends.

Universal studios where Rocky rode "The Mummy" (awesome ride!) and convinced me to ride "The Hulk" with him.

Bridge-jumping at the cabin.

Oh my! That's a long drop!

Riding the ferris wheel at Santa Monica Pier.

What I have learned is this, we must keep our minds open to the amazing potential our children have, even when they struggle and seem to be lost causes. Utilize the resources available to us, love them, and embrace every good moment!

Do Something Nice For Your Husband

by Emily

Or, if you don't have a husband, do something nice for someone who plays a major role in your life.

For me, the something nice is sometimes just a cheerful smile and can-do attitude. Sometimes its a house that is quickly picked up and dinner ready to go when he gets home from work, topped off with a cheerful, "Daddy's home! Yay!" (*kissy kissy hug hug squeeze*)


About 4 years ago when I was practicing my new role as a SAHM, I decided that for a week straight I would make a deliberate effort to do 3 things each evening when my husband arrived home from work (school):

1. Have the family room and kitchen picked up (just a quick 10 minute pick-up)
2. Have dinner made, or nearly made, when my husband got home (this was new, prior to this we had both been working hard equally outside the home, so dinner was a coin-toss and usually ended up with each-man-for-himself)
3. When he walked in the door: STOP what I was doing, GIVE him a kiss and a squeeze, LOOK him in the eye, and SAY something heartfelt ("I missed you!" "I'm so glad you're home!" "How has your day been?" "My favorite time of day is when you come home!") and LISTEN to him.

Every misguided feminist part of me resisted doing this--terribly. It was so...so...so Dr. Laura. So subservient-housewifish. I felt like I was too good to be relegated to this kind of servitude.

Luckily for me (and my family) I've learned a lot more about service since that time. What a week of marital bliss! I don't do that every evening anymore, but I am more consistent with dinner, and I understand what a difference those things make. I could go on about how it changed the feeling in our home when I did that experiment, I could go on about the miracle of love and service.

It's a good reminder to myself to recommit to those that I love most in life. I wonder what my next experiment should be? Oh yeah...going to bed at 9pm each night. I'm working on that. It's a good one too.

Have you ever done an experiment like this? What has taken you years to find out about your spouse/roommates/co-workers/parents/etc? I really, truly, sincerely want to know. Please share (you might inspire someone)!

Cheap Date.

By Sally

When I was in college, I had a saying that went:

"If it's free, it's for me!"

I still like free stuff, as long as it's not junk. I especially like free craft activities that I can do with my kids because: 1. it's free, 2. quality family time, 3. if the crafty item breaks, I don't have to care because it was free!

I like y'all so much that I am going to help you go have some crafty fun for free. Yahoo!

First (and my favorite), check out Lowe's Build and Grow workshops for children. These free workshops are hosted by Lowe's every two weeks. The crafts are very cute, and this Saturday, April 25, you can make a hang glider. In my experience, the under 8 crowd will require adult help, but it really is fun and Lowe's has great employees that help out. One of the perks of the Lowe's workshop is that they will give your child a work apron (to keep), safety goggles (to keep), a certificate, and even a patch that can be sown (or hotglued or stapled if you are like me) to the apron! CUTE.

(If you go to Lowe's, or any of these activities, and you have a small child with you, too small to do the craft, DO NOT under any circumstances place the child in a shopping cart, forget to check on said child, and then find that the child has rolled away into the parking lot and been retrieved for you by a total stranger. I can ONLY IMAGINE that would be a terrible thing to do.)

Next, check out Michael's "The Knack". Starting May 2, they have free workshops every day for a week for children to make crafts for Mother's Day. I am going to encourage my husband to take my kids and make the picture plates.

Then there's Home Depot. They also have children's workshops. They are the first Saturday of the month. While the crafts haven't been as cute as the Lowe's crafts, IMO, they are still pretty great. On May 2 your kids can make a wheelbarrow (I am assuming this is a miniature w'barrow, very useful for carting cheerios or legos around).

After your craft, you can get a cheap lunch. Restaurant.com sells gift cards to restaurants for cheaper than the value of the cards. They are super cheap. There are a few restrictions on when the cards can be used, but if you find a restaurant on the site that you eat at regularly, you should try it. However, if you only find restaurants you've never eaten at, don't be like me and buy a gift card and then never use it. That would be a waste of money.

Then you can stop at Redbox and use a code to get a free video to watch that evening.

What a cheap and fun date with the family! You are WELCOME!

PS Do you know about any other fun free stuff for families?

Let's Talk About Sex, Baby

Most people wouldn't call me a sexpert even though I am very good at sex.

I've talked to my kids about sex. I wanted them to hear it from me before they heard it at school. I want them to look at me as the expert on all things, including sex, so they can ask me the questions that most parents dread hearing. I want them to have their own knowledge, opinion, and information when they are exposed to their classmate's views on sex so that it won't be a big deal. I want them to view sex as a beautiful private gift between husband and wife and empower them to control their bodies and respect their sexual power.

So I try to be pretty open about it. Use the right names for body parts, answer questions about making out, oral sex, masturbation, what ever they need to know, I want them to ask me. Now, don't be thinking that my kids are comfortable bringing this up - they never mention it. We have to start the discussion every time and it isn't easy.

Knowledge is power, baby. But there can be too much of a good thing.



Did you see this Oprah? When the sex therapist suggests introducing something to your 15 year old daughter, she is suggesting giving her a vibrator. Check out the link here.

What they don't show you in this clip is the teenage girl's reaction. She basically said that it wasn't right. Lots of moms said it wasn't right. I agree. Aren't we sexualizing our children enough without focusing on how to teach them to be more sexually active?

I'd love to see a follow up show on how to keep our children innocent and protect them. How to teach our daughter's that they don't need to hurry and grow up and buy into the sexual pressure they are getting from the world, and if Dr. Berman has her way, from their parents!

What bothers me the most about this is the idea that has been pushed for the last 30 years that "kids are going to do it anyway, so let's be as supportive and helpful as we can!". I can feel myself getting pretty worked up about this. So I will turn it over to you. What do you think? Would you buy your 15 year old daughter a vibrator? Why?

Last year, I posted a blog about how to talk to your kids about sex Click Here to read it.

Tax Day

by Kristen

I am one of the many people who use the stupid savings system called government tax withholding. Every year I get a nice big fat refund, and every year my tax preparer explains how I could be enjoying that money all year long and earning interest on it.

So this year, after finding out what a nice big refund we are getting, my husband actually contacted the accounting dept to change the withholdings so we can use our money when we earn it.

What I'm wondering is, how can I keep us from just frittering that away. It's nice to get a big refund, those of you who've done it know how that works. You get a large chunk and you can do something meaningful with it. Would I really save that money and set it aside? Or would it just turn into fast food and gasoline, and the occasional pair of shoes for my rapidly growing boys?

What is your take on that?