Bossy Summit

8 of the 16 bossy offspring

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Mommy's Boot Camp

You may have heard me talk about Mommy Boot Camp. I realize that this sounds like a boot camp for moms, and in a way it is. Perhaps more accurately it would be called Mommy's Boot Camp, as in: I'm the mom, you'll do things my way. But I like to say it better without the 's'.

All of us here at Bossy are having a BOSSY SUMMIT this week/weekend in sunny Cal-i-forn-i-ay. That means out of the last 8 weeks, my children have only been home for 2. That also means sleep schedules are off, bad habits are forming, little people everywhere are feeling entitled and wondering if a new day has dawned in the land of kids-are-in-charge.

But I do not fear. For I hold the power, the mighty power of Mommy Boot Camp. Enrollment begins the morning after we get home.

There are certain times in my parenting life when I've had to impose Mommy Boot Camp. The most obvious are 1) sleep training, 2) returning from travelling and getting back into routine (obeying house rules). Other times might include breaking bad habits, usually falling into one of the two categories already mentioned.

When we get home from vacation, I gear myself up for Mommy Boot Camp. This means that I have to be ready for it as well--no lingering in front of the computer getting caught up on blogs and emails, no trying to squeeze in just a few more minutes of sleep in the morning when the kids are hollering and doing who-knows-what in the family room.

You could also call it the Mommy Smack Down. It works best if your spouse leaves early for work before it gets ugly. You will get dressed before you eat your breakfast. You will go to bed at the early hour. You will eat your veggies, and, NO MORE "SPECIAL TREATS".

I am going to just enjoy these next few days and not worry about whether teeth get brushed or all that was eaten was junk food. Because I know. I know how to correct all these miserable little ones.

Welcome Home. Welcome to Mommy Boot Camp.

Isn't this a funny/strange photo? I was looking for a crying baby image, but decided to use this instead. :)

'Twas the night before houseguests

'Twas the night before houseguests and all through my house
Not a thing was quite ready, not even my spouse.
The towels were hung in the bathroom with care,
In hopes that our guests would not see the mess there.

The children are nestled all snug in MY bed,
While dread of sleep deprivation dances in my head!
You see, me in my slippers and Jason trav’ling Texas
Had just gotten used to a house without houseguests.

When out on the internet there arose such a clatter
I sprang to my desk to see what was the matter
When, what to my web-surfing eyes should appear,

But a birthday invite! How I hope they’ll stay here!

With 5 sweet children, so precious and good,

I just cannot wait to see M’lissa and David.

More rapid than eagles Emily and kids came,

And have kept me company and kept me sane.

"Now, Mom! now, Robin! now, Kristen and kids!

I love you so much! But there’s no more room in the inn.

To the Crowne Plaza Hotel! It is right by the mall!

Now hurry up! Come right now! Dash away all!"

As siblings that live far apart, far and wide,

When their grandma turns 90, they mount to the sky,

So up with Southwest, United and Delta they flew,

With their arms full of kid’s gear, and lots of love too.

And now, in a twinkling, I've realized right quick

That my family won’t judge me if things aren’t perfect.

We are coming together to celebrate and do
Our grandma’s 90th birthday! And Jane’s baptism, too!

This is the t-shirt logo for our Grandma's birthday. Ninety is the new forty.

We haven’t all been together for years...
Thinking of that puts me almost in tears.
I care not if my house is just perfectly right;
My heart swells to think of the beautiful sight:

Of our family, together. How lucky are we!
To be a happy, loving, eternal family.

STILL, all will be gathered here for days on end
And I have plenty of things to mend.
The kids’ toys, their closets and more are a mess!
We all will work hard and just do our best.

My pantry is stocked with chocolate and junk food
And not to be bossy or demanding or rude,
But a job chart is hung on the fridge with great care
In hopes that I won’t be pulling out my hair!

In truth, I can’t wait to see my sweet fam’ly
With their kind faces and warm love for me.
They are witty and smart, a right jolly old crew
And we never run out of fun things to do.

Remembering this and all else that I’ve said,
Helps me to know I have nothing to dread;
Now I’ll websurf no more, but go straight to my work,
And clean up this house; with a smile as a perk,

This is always what I look like when I do housework. Always.

And setting my alarm as early as it can,

I’ll awake to continue my housecleaning plan;

Such that when all arrive I’ll feel cheerful, not weepy

But I think most of all I’ll be feeling quite sleepy.

So they’ll hear me exclaim, ere I run out of sight,

"Welcome to all! And to all a good night!"

......................................................................................................................................

The real story: I love having houseguests. Robin the Wonderful has planned a party for our Grandma's 90th birthday (I hope she will blog about it), and every member of our family will be here for it! When I found out that everyone would be able to come, I invited (begged) those that live furthest away and have the youngest/most kids to stay with me. We will be in cousin heaven here and I can't wait.

Helping Myself

Remember when Sally shared her New Year resolution to try to live her life as if she were 20 years older and suddenly had the chance to go back and do it all again? I have been thinking about that so much. Fifteen years ago I was 30 and if I could go back and visit myself, we would sit on that old couch that gets the afternoon sun while the kids napped, and this is what I would tell myself:

• Quit worrying about what people will think. They aren’t thinking about you.

• Buying things won’t make you happy. Doing things will. Instead of buying stuff – do stuff.

• Impressive cars and fancy houses don’t make you impressive or fancy. And they won’t make people like you (see #1)

• Invite people over more. Quit worrying about if they like you (they do) or if your house is clean enough (they don’t care – see #1).

• Pray more. Pray about EVERYTHING. Like: Should we buy a car? Should I home school? How can I help my child? What can I do for my husband? Please help me to stop freaking out!
• 
  
• Back WAY off the sugar. You’ll feel better. And, while you’re at it, enjoy how darling and skinny you are right now. Start appreciating how beautiful you are – you are much too hard on yourself.
  

Then after I gave all that advice I would tell myself just how great I was. I would point out all the things I was doing right. Then we, my 30 year old self and I, would wake the kids up from their naps and cuddle while we read books, then we would go play in the garden - pushing the kids on the swings and admiring their daring trampoline tricks.

I wouldn’t be able to stay long. I am needed here in my 44 year old life. I would probably cry when it was time to go because I miss that time when my kids were all mine and hadn’t found the world yet.

I would hug my 30 year old self and tell her I love her. I really do love her. And then I would tell her one last thing:

You are better than you think you are.

Worst First Date

This is probably the funniest date story ever, first date or not!!! We have all had bad dates but this takes the cake. (Thanks mom, for emailing this to me!)

Jay Leno went into the audience to find the most embarrassing first date that a woman ever had. The winner described her worst first date experience. There was absolutely no question as to why her tale took the prize!

She said it was midwinter...Snowing and quite cold... and the guy had taken her skiing in the mountains outside Salt Lake City , Utah. It was a day trip (no overnight). They were strangers, after all, and had never met before. The outing was fun but relatively uneventful until they were headed home late that afternoon. They were driving back down the mountain, when she gradually began to realize that she should not have had that extra latte. They were about an hour away from anywhere with a restroom and in the middle of nowhere! Her companion suggested she try to hold it, which she did for a while. Unfortunately, because of the heavy snow and slow going, there came a point where she told him that he had better stop and let her go beside the road, or it would be the front seat of his car.

They stopped and she quickly crawled out beside the car, yanked her pants down and started. In the deep snow she didn't have good footing, so she let her butt rest against the rear fender to steady herself. Her companion stood on the side of the car watching for traffic and indeed was a real gentleman and refrained from peeking. All she could think about was the relief she felt despite the rather embarrassing nature of the situation. Upon finishing however, she soon became aware of another sensation. As she bent to pull up her pants, the young lady discovered her buttocks were firmly glued against the car's fender. Thoughts of tongues frozen to poles immediately came to mind as she attempted to disengage her flesh from the icy metal. It was quickly apparent that she had a brand new problem, due to the extreme cold. Horrified by her plight and yet aware of the humor of the moment, she answered her date's concerns about 'what is taking so long' with a reply that indeed, she was 'freezing her butt off' and in need of some assistance!

He came around the car as she tried to cover herself with her sweater and then, as she looked imploringly into his eyes, he burst out laughing. She too, got the giggles and when they finally managed to compose themselves, they assessed her dilemma. Obviously, as hysterical as the situation was, they also were faced with a real problem. Both agreed it would take something hot to free her chilly cheeks from the grip of the icy metal! Thinking about what had gotten her into the predicament in the first place, both quickly realized that there was only one way to get her free. So, as she looked the other way, her first time date proceeded to unzip his pants and pee her butt off the fender. As the audience screamed in laughter, she took the Tonight Show prize hands down. Or perhaps that should be 'pants down'.

'And you thought your first date was embarrassing' was Jay Leno's comment... 'This gives a whole new meaning to being pissed off. Oh and how did the first date turn out? He became her husband and was sitting next to her on the Leno show.

What was your worst first date?

________ Makes Me Happy.

by Emily

Well, it ain't the cold weather.

It makes me down right grumpy, morose, cranky, yea even cantankerous, ill-humored, gloomy, dyspeptic, irritable, slothful, acrimonious even. Essentially it renders me useless and unpleasant to be around. Be warned. Here's a photo just in case you need a visual of the passive irritated rage expressed on my face while I make dinner and my husband dares to document our happy family life with our new camera.This photo was NOT staged.

Now, try to scroll past that unpleasant image greeting you for today's post. Let us speak of agreeable, congenial things, for all you happy bunnies out in winterland.

_______ Makes Me Happy

1. The yellow rose that DW gave Ruby 2 weeks ago and is still colorful, though a bit crusty, on our table top in a Perrier bottle that Joe bought because he wanted to drink something that made him feel special and our choices are limited since we don't drink alcohol. Thank you crusty but bright yellow rose. Thank you DW. Thank you Joe for green glass bottles. Thank you Ruby for being you that someone would want to give you a yellow rose.

2. SFLB (Short in the Front, Long in the Back); Business in Front, Party in the Back; Make Mom Happy but Still be Cool; Mullets. Okay, maybe I'm aiming at the wrong thing. Here: my little toddling crawler whose bangs I cut too short and whose curls I can't bear to cut, because he's my baby, dangit! And I'm not going through all that again anytime soon so he better stay baby for a long while. Do you think it would be cruel for me to go wake him up right now (it's 10 pm) just so I could selfishly slobber on his soft cheek and tickle him to hear his laugh? This is the best medicine. A drug, really. I'm totally addicted. It actually makes my mouth water (my eyes, too, in a different sort of way).

3. Double Stuffed Mint Oreos, Black Cherry Chocolate Chunk Ice Cream, Creamy Chicken Soup, and Tortilla Soup. In other words: Joe. Because this is the odd assortment of food he bought at the store on his recent "milk run" in a loving effort to cheer me up. Did I mention that I hate this cold weather? So, for the obvious: It's not the food that cheers me, but a husband who is so devoted and kindhearted. And funny. He even makes me laugh when I'm determined not to. (Like after he took that sneaky photo of me unawares and pissed off.)

This is my favorite toy in the way it promotes playing together and results in gleeful laughter. Music to my ears.

Welcome, President Obama

by Sally

Tomorrow is the Inauguration of the next President of the United States. I am happy that Barack Obama will be our President. I believe that he is intelligent, thoughtful, deliberate, and will surround himself by smart advisors who will challenge and improve his thinking. I know he will reach out to the right and work to bridge the widening gap between conservatives and liberals. I worry about the state of our economy, our involvement in conflict around the world, and the diminishing moral standards of popular culture, but I think President Obama will be a good leader through these challenges.

I plan to use the Inauguration as an opportunity to teach my children more about the Federal government's structure and the demands of the Presidency. We will have a family night tonight with a short lesson about President Obama and his family, and what his job will be. We'll also talk about how we voted (they went to the polls with us) and their efficacy and responsibility as future voters and as citizens of the US. Last, we will talk about MLK day, which is today.

Tomorrow my oldest child will be watching the Inauguration at school, and the rest of us will be watching at home. Here's some information if you are thinking, like me, that this is a great chance to teach your children.

Family night Outline (mostly in question form to keep the kids involved):

• Tomorrow is the Inauguration. What is an Inauguration? What will happen there?
  
  
• Who was our last President? Who is going to be the new President?
  
  
• What do you know about Barack Obama? He is married and has two daughters who are 10 and 7 years old. They will live in the White House in Washington, D.C. Mom and Dad have visited the White House. What do you think it would be like to live there?
  
  
• What does the President do? Would you like to be President someday? Or work in the Government? Mom worked on Capitol Hill when she was in college.
  
  
• How did Barack Obama get to be President?
  
  
• Where did we go when we voted? How old do you have to be to vote? Should everyone vote or is it okay to stay home and not vote? What if people stopped voting? Mom and Dad always vote. Will you vote every time when you grow up?
  
  
• Do you know what holiday is today? Who was MLK and why was he special? What does he have in common with President Obama?
  
  
• We will end with a prayer that the President will turn to God for guidance and will be inspired to make the right decisions as he leads our country.
  
  
• Then, if the kiddos are lucky, we may watch the "Kid's Inaugural: We are the Future" concert, which will be broadcast on the Disney Channel tonight (8:00 Eastern/7:00 Pacific)

The first Capitol Inauguration

Inauguration Day:

• Nickelodeon will be showing short clips during the day of the Inauguration and a youth perspective.
• The Inauguration starts at 11:30 E/8:30 Pacific and will be broadcast on all major networks.
• 2:30 PM/11:30 Pacific is the start of the Parade.
• There are all kinds of galas and balls in the evening. There is a Youth Inaugural Ball which will be on MTV, but I detest MTV so we won't be watching that. The Neighborhood Inaugural Ball will be broadcast on ABC.

Related links:

Today is also a National Day of Service, in honor of MLK. Go here to enter your zip code and get local opportunities to participate.

Pictures and information from the US Senate on the Inauguration process and Inaugurations past.

For older kids: NPR story on the Oath of Office.

Youtube video (1:45) with pictures of the President from his childhood and including his family.

Dear Bossy Readers!

I need some advice.

Some of my favorite people in the world are coming to visit me next week. I will have 11 houseguests for 5 days & nights. What is required to be a good hostess? Please keep in mind that I am not Martha, I have very young children who require constant attention, but I also want my guests to have a lot of fun and feel welcomed and loved.

Thinking about times you've visited family, and times that you've hosted, what are the things I can do to make everyone's stay enjoyable?

Thanks!
Sally

I'll take fries with that.

Seriously. This wasn't even in the Halloween Costume Department.



This is Boobie Bag. The maker even suggests how charming they would be for all the girls in a wedding party to carry. (she so cleverly uses the hooks and eyes from the back as fasteners for the top, you know, so nothing spills out.

The internet can be a great place for a laugh. Have I told you all that I seriously believe in laughing? I think it is CRITICAL for survival. So here is one last laugh. I found it on a blog and laughed so hard I woke up the sleeping baby on my lap.

Here is a good Laugh!

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired, and Mrs. Fenton insists
her husband go with her to Walmart,
but he gets bored with all the shopping trips.
He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse.
Here's a letter sent to Mrs. Fenton------

Dear Mrs. Fenton,
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores. We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.
Things Mr. Bill Fenton has done while his spouse was shopping in Walmart:

June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals

July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares..... and watched what happened.

August 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

September 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

September 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

October 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where the antidepressants are.

December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

December 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least .....

December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

Regards, Walmart

Calling All Bookworms

I love old books. They are wonderful to decorate with. I have them stashed around my house on bookcases and plant shelves. I love to look for old books at yard sales and antique shops. Sometimes I find special ones, like this one for Roland:

Other times I find beautiful ones:
The end pages are filled with colorized art and often there is a dedication written in the front:

This one was given to my great Grandma.

Imagine my surprise when I came home from book club last month and realized that the book we were reading is actually a book I use for decoration! The Robe by Lloyd C Douglas. I didn't read my copy, bought at a yard sale years ago, it is falling apart. But I rushed out and got a new copy and I LOVE this book.It is historical fiction about the centurion who conducted the crucifixion of Christ, how he came to own the Robe that belonged to Christ, and what happened to him after the crucifixion. I have never read a book set in this time period and I find it fascinating. The way the Jews act, the way people talk about Christ, and the way Douglas shows the cultural, political, and social impact of His crucifixion are eye opening.

One of the things I really love about this book is that Jesus doesn't actually speak or interact with the protagonist, but we get to hear the famous stories of Jesus from the view of the people who were there. The stories are touching and the telling of them has made them more real to me.

When the book was published in 1941 it was rather scandalous and the Catholic church came out against it because of the way it portrayed Jesus. Now the church encourages people to read the book. Times are a changin'.
The Robe was made into a huge hit movie. But I am going to be bossy and tell you to read the book before you see the movie. Actually, skip the movie altogether. Your imagination is much better than the movie making of 1952.