I wasn't prepared to deal with the Bad Influence Friend until my kids were in at least 5th grade. But Nathan had a Bad Influence Friend at the tender age of 4. She was baaaaaad. He was drawn to her and I could see why.
She was loud and funny and very enthusiastic, what else can you want in a friend when you're four? Maybe someone who doesn't scornfully say "Nathan, you talk wierd!" and to other kids "I saw Nathan in his underwear, isn't that stupid that he came outside in his underwear? And he wears stupid underwear!" AND "Run away from Nate because he's going to KILL us" (the word 'kill' was not yet part of Nathan's world). She was FOUR. She topped off her great behavior by teaching Nathan how to flip the bird. Wonderful.
She lived across the street from us and she was in our preschool carpool so Nathan saw her 5 days a week. At least 4 times a week she came over to ask if he could play and I always had an excuse for why he couldn't..."because you're evil" --wait, no, I didn't say that. Out loud.
I realized that she had very mean big brothers. I felt bad for her, because it's no 4-year-old's fault that they've learned to be mean, manipulative and insulting as a way to get attention. But I couldn't stand her influence on Nathan. He adored her. In carpool one day she told him to take off his seat belt while we were driving and he did. I pulled over to the side of the road and talked to them both sternly. Three minutes later, she told him to do it again and started yelling at him that he was a baby because he didn't! He wanted to do whatever she said. Yikes.
This was a daily frustration for me, and Nate's self esteem was dropping even while he became more enamored of this friend. Jason and I talked about what we could do. We wanted her influence on him to stop, immediately. Then we found out some good news: they were moving in 2 weeks! HUGE sigh of relief. I'm hoping I don't have to deal with a Bad Influence Friend again for at least 3 more years. And really hoping that my kid is never the Bad Influence Friend!
10 comments:
Sometimes when my kids would act bad after playing with another kid I would say, "Hey! Are you Kody (name of other kid)? Because you sure don't sound like my sweet Gabe. He talks nice." or whatever. My kid would usually laugh and that was the end of that.
As you know, this was some time ago. Nate only missed her for about 10 seconds after she moved. What a relief.
This is difficult. I had this situation except the b-i-k (bad influence kid) was my best friend's son. How did that happen? Oh, it was aweful trying to get together and not include the kids. And she'd always invite my son over to play with her son. I ended up making up excuses constantly.
Oh, and your last sentence...that would totally stink for your own kid to be the b-i-k. Do you think you would recognize that if it were the case? I think my friend was clueless. I don't think she realized that some of his behaviors were totally unacceptable and inappropriate. Oh, if it's ever my kid, I hope I will know and will also know how to stop it!
My kid was the bad influence kid once. He was 5 and playing at the neighbors and said the F word. The mom brought him home and said he couldn't play there again until he apologized, which I thought was a fine way to handle it. I was freaked out, couldn't imagine where he had learned that word, and I yelled at him for 20 minutes. In retrospect, I should have realized he learned it at school and probably didn't even know what it meant, and explained what a bad word it is. Instead of all the yelling.
Not my finest parenting moment. Fortunately, he has now forgotten that word and thinks the F word is Fart. Ooooooh, that is a bad word!
It's they get older. Sometimes you don't know who the BIK is. Sometimes it's BIC (crowd) instead. Sometimes the unacceptable behavior your child has learned is displayed only when he/she is away from home so you never even know about it.
woops, the first sentence above is upposed to read, It's harder they get older.
That's a good reason to make YOUR house the FUN place to be so the kids all gather there instead of elsewhere.
Yay! I'm so glad you're blogging so I can hear all the funny, cute, scary, exciting...things that go on with the CA Peels. I'm so glad this friend is moving!!! What a little stinker she is. And only 4 years old? Yikes is right.
Yay for Sally! You blog!
I don't have any stories because my kids are probably the bad kids and I just don't know it.
Whats her name? I need the address of this family....Picking on my sweet Nate I don't think so she is going down. Thanks for starting a blog. I have one too blmacd.blogspot.com. Miss you guys
I could use some help. My four year old daughter has a bossy best friend. She is five years old and lives next door. I wouldn't quite describe her as a bad influence friend - she can be quite nice, but whoo boy - she needs to control EVERY aspect of play when they are at our house. In my mind I call her the "Little Dictator" . She is starting to drive me crazy.
An example of the dictator behavior: "You stand there. When I blow on this whistle you can dance, when I stop you need to stop. No, no, no you're not playing right. I TOLD you you need to do it this way. I'll go into the other room and let you know when you can come play, but don't move until I call you. No, I told you not to come in until I called you. And stop dancing, unitl I blow the whistle."
My daughter will play along with her dictates for quite a long time, but eventually she starts to chaffe at having no control over the play. The end result is either me stepping in and suggesting that they take turns coming up with the play or my daughter telling her that she is mean and she does not want to be her friend anymore. Either of these scenarios leads to her stating that she "wants to go home". It's all I can do not to shove her out of the house. I know I need to control my irritation and come up with a solution but I'm at a loss. Any ideas?
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